The Why? Chromosome

Discussion in 'The Late Night Cafe (off-topic)' started by durangojo, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. durangojo

    durangojo

    Messages:
    2,171
    Likes Received:
    89
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    The first testicular guard, the "cup", was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. that means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important!

    joey
     
    indygal likes this.
  2. iceman

    iceman

    Messages:
    2,348
    Likes Received:
    310
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    Reasons  It's Great to be a Guy

    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

    Movie nudity is virtually always female.

    You know stuff about tanks.

    A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

    Monday Night Football.

    You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

    Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

    You can open all your own jars.

    Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight.

    Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

    When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

    All your orgasms are real.

    A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

    Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

    You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

    You understand why Stripes is funny.

    You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

    Your last name stays put.

    You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

    When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

    You can kill your own food.

    The garage is all yours.

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

    Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

    You never have to clean the toilet.

    You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

    Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

    Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

    Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

    The National College Cheer-leading Championship

    None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

    You don't have to shave below your neck.

    Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

    You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.

    If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.

    You can write your name in the snow.

    You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

    Everything on your face stays its original color.

    Chocolate is just another snack.

    You can be president.

    You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

    Flowers fix everything.

    You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

    You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

    You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

    Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

    You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

    You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

    Foreplay is optional.

    Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

    Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.

    You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

    You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

    You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

    Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

    You and your buddy can watch a game in silence for hours without thinking even once: "Gee.... He must be mad at me."

    The world is your urinal.

    You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

    You get to jump up and slap stuff.

    Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

    One mood, all the time.

    You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

    You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.

    You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

    You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.

    Same work.... more pay.

    Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

    You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

    Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

    You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

    With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

    You don't mooch off others' desserts.

    If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

    The remote is yours and yours alone.

    People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

    ESPN's sports center.

    You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

    Bachelor parties whomp bridal showers.

    You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

    You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

    You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

    If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

    Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

    You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "[email protected]#k it!"

    If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

    Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.

    The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.

    You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

    If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

    Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

    You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

    Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

    Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

    Baywatch

    There is always a game on somewhere.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2012
  3. boar_d_laze

    boar_d_laze

    Messages:
    8,551
    Likes Received:
    193
    Exp:
    Cook At Home
    This thread is based on a false premise.  Our brains ARE in our cups, NOT our helmets.

    BDL
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2012
  4. cheflayne

    cheflayne

    Messages:
    4,103
    Likes Received:
    473
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    I wasn't listening. What was the question?
     
  5. durangojo

    durangojo

    Messages:
    2,171
    Likes Received:
    89
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    bdl, 

    thanks migo, you just sort of proved my point!!!

    joey
     
  6. just jim

    just jim

    Messages:
    1,317
    Likes Received:
    57
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    ~The Man's Guide To Love And Lasting Relationships ~

    1. Find a woman who makes you laugh.

    2. Find a woman who has a job and loves housework.
    ...
    3. Find a woman who is honest.

    4. Find a woman who will wait on you hand and foot.

    5. Find a woman who is awesome in the bedroom.

    6. Most of all it is VERY IMPORTANT that these five women NEVER meet!
     
  7. kaneohegirlinaz

    kaneohegirlinaz

    Messages:
    4,997
    Likes Received:
    325
    Exp:
    I Just Like Food
    /img/vbsmilies/smilies/rollsmile.gif

    oh my, thanks guys, I needed a good laugh

    and oh btw,

    HAPPY SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!
     
  8. durangojo

    durangojo

    Messages:
    2,171
    Likes Received:
    89
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
     Why it's better to be a Woman!

    1. We got off the Titanic first.

    2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

    3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

    4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

    5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

    6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

    7. Taxis stop for us

    . 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

    9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

    10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

    11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

    12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

    13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

    14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

    15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

    16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

    17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

    18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

    19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

    20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

    21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

    22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

    23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

    24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

    25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

    26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

    27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

    28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

    29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

    30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. 

    cheers all!

    joey
     
  9. cheflayne

    cheflayne

    Messages:
    4,103
    Likes Received:
    473
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    31. Women can make jokes about the opposite sex and get away with it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2012
  10. kaneohegirlinaz

    kaneohegirlinaz

    Messages:
    4,997
    Likes Received:
    325
    Exp:
    I Just Like Food
    /img/vbsmilies/smilies/lol.gif

    :snort:

    /img/vbsmilies/smilies/rollsmile.gif

    :snort snort:

    aaaaaaaaaaaa, sista' Joey

    you know girl!!

    LIVE ALOHA
     
  11. durangojo

    durangojo

    Messages:
    2,171
    Likes Received:
    89
    Exp:
    Professional Chef
    not jokes...merely laughable observations.

    joey
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2012
  12. kaneohegirlinaz

    kaneohegirlinaz

    Messages:
    4,997
    Likes Received:
    325
    Exp:
    I Just Like Food
    A gal has a day named after her, and it only happens once every four years. 

    [​IMG]