Something I ran accross with glee

Discussion in 'The Late Night Cafe (off-topic)' started by wolfgang4711, Dec 4, 2001.

  1. wolfgang4711

    wolfgang4711

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    THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS


    I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Mine isn't, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore,
    anyway.


    1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg- nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
    for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

    10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookie-less January is just around the corner.

    Happy holidays everyone!:bounce: :lips:
     
  2. pastachef

    pastachef

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    Does that also go for people under 5'0" tall, like me? Santa must be very unhappy with the new health fare. He didn't get fat and jolly on carrot sticks, and he's lived forever:) Cute post. When I do our monday night dinners at the sorority house I tell the girls not to even ask if it's fat free. That's the one night of the week that I have a blast and pull out all of the best - REAL butter, heavy cream, home made gravies and sauces and cakes:) The girls grumble through third servings. LOL! They remind me of cats, growling while eating raw meat:)
     
  3. nancya

    nancya

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    ROFL!!! - More than one of us found this amusing! Holiday tips you can actually follow!
     
  4. chrose

    chrose

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    Wolfgang,

    Take a bow. Now I have an excuse. Even my wife has given me permission to make a pig out of myself this year. Rare treat!

    Bless her heart.
     
  5. wolfgang4711

    wolfgang4711

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    I must say, when I first saw this, being the good Diabetic I am, my first thought was to post it over in the Nutrician Forum. On second thought I chose not to rub anyone the wrong way and post it here!:D

    I can assure you that this is one Diabetic that will have a little of everything over the holidays (Including one of my favorites fruitcake). Hey that's why they made insulin. Right?;)
     
  6. nancya

    nancya

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    Hi Wolfgang...I don't think I ever properly said hello. It's always nice to meet another member of the "club."

    I can't just bolus the insulin though, doc gave me some samples of stronger pills for the holiday parties...he's no dummy![​IMG]
     
  7. olive branch

    olive branch

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    Hey! I'm diabetic too - using an insulin pump and I love it! I won't be following all of these great holiday tips, but enough to have fun!

    Love ~ Debbie
     
  8. wolfgang4711

    wolfgang4711

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    Not that Diabetes is something to get all worked up about, but it's comforting to know there are others here besides me.;)

    Nancya, Thank you for the welcome!

    Olive, I can't do everything on the list either. Alcohol is completely out of the question so there goes alcoholic egg nog and, as you know, I can't pig out like two or three pieces of pie and such, but still will enjoy most things in extreme moderation and over the holiday as opposed to all in one sitting.:(

    I don't celebrate any holidays really, but once in a while I stumble accross someone's spread. Most of my friends don't have a clue I'm Diabetic.

    Hope everyone has a good holiday season!:)
     
  9. pete

    pete Moderator Staff Member

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    LOL!!!!!!! I have to disagree with one thing though. There is a place for carrots during the holidays. As a kid, I always left a carrot, for Rudolph, along with Santa's cookies and milk (whole milk, not skim). In fact, when I go home for the holidays, my brother and I still leave these things out for Santa, though, a bottle of beer has replaced the milk!
     
  10. pastachef

    pastachef

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    LOL, Pete! I didn't know that reindeer eat carrots. Don't leave Santa too much beer, or there will be a whole lot of surprised kids on christmas morning:)
     
  11. nancya

    nancya

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    Everyone knows that Santa prefers Popcorn and Rootbeer.

    He told me himself.
     
  12. pastachef

    pastachef

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    ...Meet MRS Santa, because those are my favorites. :D Sparingly.
     
  13. jill reichow

    jill reichow

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    No Nancy, it's hot chocolate and spritz cookies...and don't forget the marsmallows on the chocolate.

    What a great post. I'm sending it on to my friends, both those who eat all the rabbit food and those who put the creams cheese and full fat dips on those carrots sticks. They do serve a purpose as a means to get the dip to my mouth :) !