Situation...difficult

Discussion in 'The Late Night Cafe (off-topic)' started by headless chicken, May 3, 2004.

  1. headless chicken

    headless chicken

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    A bit of a rant here so read on at your expense, I'll try to keep it short.


    My mother took on a boyfriends roughly 13 years ago. The guy is filipino currently in his early 50s. Over the years, we've learned a lot more about him than we wanted, some really bad history and some dealing with drugs. He says hes stoped using whatever he did but that hasn't stoped his occasional paranoia attacks. For starters, he is very insecure and the drugs he took escalates his insecurities into paranoia. The latest incident involved him seeing my mom in a red dress entering some guy's house down the street, someone neither of us knew until 3 weeks ago when all this happend. Now, he strongly believes my mother is having an affair but I can tell you this right now, my mother isn't that sort of person and if she was, he wouldn't be living with us.

    Their thin relationship has taken a toll on everyone around them, our family, his family, some of his friends, ME. My patients is near endless but it has run very VERY thing with him. For the 1st time in my life, I got violent which is unheard of in me. Almost every night now, they argue. He demands the truth from my mother, she tells the truth but he won't listen. He says he has proof but I've scene it and it shows nothing but a photo of mom walking around at work (yes, hes hired private eyes to follow mom).

    All these problems can't be bothered with right now. My grandmother, my mother's mother, died not 4 months ago and we all havn't had a chance to grieve because he keeps stiring up trouble and its been nothing but trouble. Best solution IMO, kick him out but thats not my call to make and he won't leave anyways plus its not as easy as you think, a lot of legal $$ issues I won't go into detail about. I usually find baking very theropudic but I just get too frustrated to even think about it. I'm stuck in his problems yet theres nothing I can do...

    Rant over! If only these problems could stop just as easily
     
  2. kuan

    kuan Moderator Staff Member

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    Ugh! I'm totally unqualified to offer up an opinion, so here's mine. I would try and find some help, first for myself, then go from there. I know for me that I wouldn't be able to tough it out alone. So I'd get help, from who I don't know.

    I know it's not much of a reply. It's never happened to me and I hope it never will. Best of luck my friend.
     
  3. phatch

    phatch Moderator Staff Member

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    Depending how far you are willing to go, the laws to get some one committed for "observation" at a state psychiatric hospital are pretty easy to attain. Find out what you have to do and be ready to do it. It only lasts three days or so, but it sounds as though he'd be committed after the observation.

    Have a plan at that time for helping your mother. She won't like it, and that's why you need a plan to stick to and follow through.

    Consider getting a restraining order during that time to keep him away from everybody. If he is released, he won't be a nice person to be around afterwards. Be ready to call the police and prosecute his violations of the restraining order. Don't just use it as a threat. Call the cops on first sight of him.

    Phil
     
  4. lins

    lins

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    Sorry to hear of your problems, I have no advice. But I wish you well, thinking of you here in spain! good luck friend!
     
  5. phoebe

    phoebe

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    I'm with you too. You've received what sounds like some very good advice for steps you might want/need to take. But don't forget what Kuan said about getting help for yourself first. If you do need to intervene, you'll need to do it from a place of calm and strength. It doesn't sound like you're there right now. So if you can, if there's a little time, why not back off a bit and get your sense of your own world back. And remember that we're all here for you.
     
  6. chefboy2160

    chefboy2160

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    Sounds like a tough go amigo. I would follow the advice given and talk to someone who might have experience in these family matters.I dont know what choices you have in Canada but I would seek the help of a professional family counselor.New eyes can sometimes see solutions that are clouded by our emotions.Trust me I know this one all to well!
    We are here for you friend so keep baking good food and talk here if needed. Doug............