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She's a bad cook. How can I tell her that?

8K views 30 replies 21 participants last post by  chrislehrer 
#1 ·
I always knew that most Colombian women are fond of cooking and are good cooks. My wife is a Colombian and is indeed fond of cooking, however, she not a good cook. She loves cooking but cooks terribly. We just got married two weeks ago and I’m so glad that she wants to cook for me. But I don’t like its taste. I don’t want her to be upset when I tell her that. How should I do it?
 
#3 ·
Learn to like it. You have a long marriage ahead of you... hopefully. :)

But try this: cook for her and talk aloud as you do that so she can learn. Or buy a good basic cookbook and see if she’ll use it.

I had a very similar bride. Still have her too. It wasn’t easy but some gentle suggestions (and brutal fights as a result) eventually go the point through. Be honest, but not brutally honest... about everything except her parents.
 
#4 ·
Cook together. Then you can see where she goes wrong and you can try to make corrections.

Though maybe its not so much that she does something wrong, just not they way you like it.

Maybe she's a great cook and you have terrible taste. :)

Actually at this stage of your marriage communication is the key.

She might like her cooking so it might just come down to personal taste.

I suspect as she learns what you like she'll try to achieve it.
 
#6 ·
Why tell her? Think long and hard about the actual motives behind your wanting to tell her. Don't just go with the first easy answer that pops into your head.

When I am faced with the possibility of delivering some less than positive news, I ask myself "Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

She cooks with love and out of love for you.
 
#7 ·
First and foremost do not tell her you don’t like her cooking. You can be honest about not liking a certain dish or something but never ever tel her you don’t like all of her cooking.

Second, if she enjoys cooking then surprise her with couples cooking classes. It’s very romantic and you’ll both learn a lot. That way you can share the responsibility of cooking in your kitchen.

Third, learn to appreciate her cooking and praise her for the things she does well, I am certain there are things she can do well.
 
#8 ·
Is she a "bad cook" in the sense that she can burn water? Or is she a "bad cook" in the sense that she has reasonably good technique and skills, but, you simply don't like the food she makes?

If its a matter of simply not liking the style of food, simply tell her so and why in a constructive manner. My wife dislikes soups and stews. It doesn't matter how good they are. She's just not a fan. When she told me, she made it a point to distinguish the fact that she doesn't like soup in general and that it was not "my" soup that she didn't like.

If she's just a terrible cook from the ground up, that's a whole different story. There's no easy way to fix that mess.

You could try to steer her towards cook books or cooking classes disguised as "fun things" to do together. Cooking classes can be fun. You could also take an interest in cooking. What woman doesn't love a man that can cook?

Good luck. :)
 
#10 · (Edited)
First off, lmao @chefbilly. You always seem to have your priorities straight. :)

Welcome to cheftalk nicholas.
Im with those who say you need to analyize the problem.
Like "Honey, I really appreciate your cooking for me but
there's something you're doing that isn't hitting my taste buds
right let's see if we can figure it out together."

You didnt specify if its just certain kinds of dishes, or if
the taste you dont like is a common one to all she makes.
Could be spice combination, or similar.

Also....I must ask, does she really enjoy the cooking?
Thing is, at the risk sounding metakooky, I'm sure a number of chefs
here will agree, even if silently that food really can taste better if the
one cooking it loves doing it, and not so good if its being done as a chore or
necessity.
Not only have I seen this for family members but I have actually
noticed it when cooking in a commercial environment, and guest
feedback has bore it out.
After all, in cooking we're working with an organic substance,
we're organic ourselves, and there is indisbutably an energy,
be it positive or negative when dealing with organics.
And like infusing wine into course mushrooms, that positive
energy can and does seep into the finished dish. Or neutral,
or even negative as the case may be.
Just another aspect to think about.
 
#12 ·
Well see to be honest, I have trouble with the concept of somebody actually being a bad cook.
Maybe because I havent moved in "bad cook circles" in a while, but the way I see it,
there are actually 2 categories..... someone who cooks, has cooking skills, but their
food consistently turns out ...unpleasing to the palette. I would indeed term that person
a bad cook. However, I personally feel thats not vey common, and Im not sure
how to explain why someones actually a ...bad cook.

I consider the second category to be much more common place-- that is a person who can't cook.
IMO not to be confused with the bad cook, as someone who can't cook simply has not learned the
skills necessary to do so. There actually ARE people who cant boil water. They just dont know the
ass end of a saucepan, and have no clue how to use a stove or utensils. They usually burn eggs,
make bland pancakes, etc, not because they are bad cooks, but they just dont know how.
Also such people usually don't LIKE cooking very much, e.g., they had bad experiences, it's a real
chore to them etc. Which goes to that negative energy that I spoke of above.
 
#17 ·
I'm lucky as my wife is a great cook and an excellent baker (when it comes to desserts) so I really can't relate to the OP, but my suggestion is enroll her in a few "fun" cooking classes. Use the excuse that since she likes to cook so much, you thought she might enjoy taking a few classes also. God forbid, don't tell her she's not a good cook, but if there are a few of her dishes that you really, really don't like just say to her that those are not your favorite dishes, but be sure to tell her what dishes of hers you do like. I can't believe that everything she cooks is terrible.
 
#20 ·
Yeah, but how long have you been married. I also tell my wife when she makes something I don't like, but we've been together over 20 years. This guy is newly married and I agree it can be a touchy subject. Best not to end the honeymoon by telling the wife that she sucks at cooking!
 
#22 ·
I think it's absolutely best to get out in front right away. That way ... down the road ... it's not an ugly thing you were hiding. It will breed contempt.

"Sweetheart ... I've got a great idea ... Let's take some cooking classes together. I heard some guy on TV said it was great for romance." ...
 
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#23 ·
Early in dating my xSO she made Campbells soup chicken for me. It seemed to me she had no particular pride in her cooking so my response was, "Baby, you don't need to cook for me ever again." Smiling she gave me the OK hand gesture as she said, "That's just what I was hoping you'd say."

I did the cooking, she did the cleaning, it worked great for a long time.
 
#24 ·
Cook with her, or do what I do... I work a lot of hrs, don't do any cooking Monday-Friday, but I try to make some killer meals that work well as leftovers so I am covered till Wed with really good meals. Thursday, well, it's what it is. I do think the wife is starting to see what I am doing and putting more thought into what she makes on Thursdays.

I will never bash her for anything she makes. That will never improve the situation. Most people will try to get better, if they want,. by seeing what others are doing.

One more point to think about, what type of learner is she? There are 3 types, Learn by reading, by watching, by doing... Determine which one she is and concentrate on that type when trying to show her techniques.
 
#26 ·
My wife sucks at cooking but I am not going to tell her that. She'd be terribly heartbroken over it and probably be insecure about showing up at potlucks for the rest of her life. Instead I'm doing everything I can to learn to be the very very best that I can at it and hope that my genuine love for creating satisfying meals rubs off on her. I also do extensive research when we travel and regardless of what country we're in, I take her with to the absolute best restaurants we are able to get reservations at.

I'm 35 yrs old and have been married to her for 2 years. She's my first wife and I very dearly love her to death, but chef Ramsay's pet donkey probably has a better palate then her. I have no idea what your communication dynamic (or in this case conflict resolution style) is but for me it comes down to leading with actions and though example and being compassionate about it because she's really sensitive about this stuff. Just 2 cents from a non-professional cook who loves food and loves his wife :)
 
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