hello, my name is kevin woods and you're reading an excerpt from the vibrant gardens of my once fresh and enthusiastic young mind. years from now a bespeckled cyber anthropologist will be bent over this document, it's bandwith torn and yellow with age, trying to decipher my neandertal tardspeak as my wordy introduction to the culinary world pours from the page leaving an acrid pretentious puddle on the chrome carpeted floor. as the scribbly hyroglyphs one at a time begin to relinquish their meaning, i can only imagine what may be going through the head of my gawky ambassador to the future. who knows. if his translation skills aren't quite up to par, through some hyper ironic twist of fate i could end up being the next jesus. but assuming his eyes and brain work reasonably well, it'll probably be something more along the lines of "jesus ------- ------". on this site i plan to detail my culinary career in all its obscene idiosyncrasies so that one day when i am old, senile and incontinent i can look back on this and have one last laugh before i gracefully shit my pants and die. everything from my eventual externship in amsterdam to my travels to my eventual place of peace. btw, if you find yourself using the word "eventual" twice in the same sentence, it's probably time to get started. cheers.