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Out of Hollandaise... what do you do? (humor)

5K views 22 replies 19 participants last post by  L'uovo vulcanico 
#1 ·
Don't take this seriously, we're all guilty of something like this in some form or other.
Let's say you have about two servings of Hollandaise left... which of the following would you do?

1) Knowing the waitstaff will order it if you tell them you're out, you tell them you're 86'd on Hollandaise so don't order any Salmon Mousseline.

2) Be quiet about it and tell the waitstaff when you're REALLY out and make them change the order.

3) Go smoke a cigarette after the rush and let the pantry guy take the blame if someone needs Bearnaise.

4) Allow the waitstaff to order something with Hollandaise but tell them it will take at least 15 minutes, thereby discouraging them.

5) Tell the waitstaff you're temporarily out but you'll have some in a few minutes but never get around to making it.

6) Fry up some steak and eggs with the last of the Hollandaise for a late night snack :)

7) Go look for the mayonnaise and add a squeeze of lemon juice.

8) Pretend you can't find any eggs so you can't make anymore Hollandaise

9) Spend all night in the back separating eggs while blasting Classic Rock on the Radio.

10) Tell the dishwasher to make some :)

Kuan :)
 
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#3 ·
12) Throw a hissey fit ( must include flinging a whisk). Loudly announce to all and sundry (esp the owner) that you are never making Hollandaise again as it is old, tiresome and out of touch. Demand changes to the menu, no demand an entire new menu. Go outside and have a smoke, applying option 10 on your way out the door...Just one girls opinion
 
#4 ·
Depends what kind of place you're working in! Some of the dreck I've been served as Hollandaise was yellow wallpaper paste, tasteless yellow glop, salty yellow glop, or a white odd-smelling substance composed, probably, of chemicals and dishwater. Good Hollandaise is one of my favorite foods. I'd rather do without than suffer with less.
 
#10 ·
I am grieved that you all bash Velveeta. It is a princely food, and hey, its not that cheap either. Its a food of my childhood, and I think it has its place in the kitchen (especially mine)! We make a creamy tarragon sauce which includes a little velveeta and a lot of fresh tarragon that can be used in place of hollandaise that is wonderful.

But seriously, if you have a hollandaise, how do you hold it and keep it warm over a 2 or 3 hour period during service time without it breaking?

Thanks,

H.
Living velveeta loca
 
#14 ·
Make a small batch of hollandaise, If you sell it God Bless, If you don't you will have that much more for the steak and eggs.:chef:
 
#16 ·
Chef's option: Yell at the cook whose station it was to make the hollandaise, telling him what an idiot he is for not making enough. Tell him he has 2 minutes to make new stuff and get the order out. Watch him attempt to cook the eggs over a straight flame, shout at him again as he scrambles the eggs and make him start over. Watch him fill the pot with 4 inches of water that he tries to bring to a boil, then yell at him for being the world's biggest idiot and pour out all the water except 1 inch. Watch him try and add the butter too quickly thereby breaking the hollandaise. Yell at the whole crew telling them they are all a bunch of morons as you decide the best thing is to do the job yourself!!!!

Seriously, the way I always keep my hollandaise is either on a shelf over the stoves. If too cold up there, due to the vents then I usually keep it in the steam table. To do this place hollandaise in a 6th pan. IN another 6th pan place a dampened towel. Place that 6th into your steam table and place the one filled with hollandaise in the pan with the towel. The towel should protect your hollandaise from getting too warm, but keep an eye on it though.
 
#17 ·
according to (the roadside place where they shot some of the final scenes of 'Pulp Fiction') in wenatchee, wa, you melt some yellow crayons in mayonnaise and add 1/2 cup salt. throw in a scoop of mashed potatoes and a couple of pieces of ice for that lumpy, watery look that says ' holly held over steam too long without stirring.'
 
#18 ·
Kuan, I'll be participating more now that I have some time off, Good to be back. When I get my hands on some more truffles We'll have to meet.:chef:
 
#23 · (Edited)
OMG, I usually complain about zombie threads, but this one had me (a relative newbie to the forum) in stitches... Thank you, it's giving me some hope that 2021 will be a breath of fresh air after the year that shall not be named...

We faked #7 at a place that deserved no less, I WAS the poor fool that got stuck with #3 when I was a Garde Manger, and was taught how to make a fast micro-batch of hollandaise by a chef who was a prince and a hell of an evil boss. On a Sunday. And that whole day he kept re-enforcing it (#%!*#%@&!!!) until I HATED draining egg yolks... But...

Sometimes the slavedriver gives you a gift that saves your butt in the far off future - not only making do, but literally hauling butt like a maniac. Sure taught me to appreciate people like that. Did I like it? Not even close, But I remember it. EVERYONE should have one of those moments. REALLY changes you.

I was also thinking... There's a quart of wallpaper paste in the storeroom... what could I do with it? :emoji_laughing: :emoji_confounded: :emoji_laughing:

Have an awesome week - hopefully one week closer to the end of this Covid thing!
 
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