MUI (Menu Under Influence) Bit of humour.

Discussion in 'Professional Chefs' started by minichefzim, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. minichefzim


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    Professional Chef
    I'm not a drunk, but I do like to have my share after a long shift in a hot kitchen, maybe I have too many, whats wrong with that?

    After having a few at my local, I always end up back home, with nothing to watch on TV, what do I do, I get out my laptop and start writing menus. I write maybe two or three menus, most of the time for a food style I am not even into, ( A hot dog menu, 23 different types, fillings and garnishes!) It's fun! and I like doing it, and some times they end up in my restaurant. 

    I have created some weird dishes whilst I have been over the limit, and most of the time they have worked, apart from the fish-fingers and custard, maybe I had too many that night, and maybe a certain BBC TV program was playing in the background while my creative, if not messed up mind, was doing its thing ( damn you Dr Who! )

    I find most of my creativity during these times of intoxication, I will sit for hours just writing, OMG, this sounds Ama Zing! (that's how I say it, and i dare you not to start saying it that way)!

    I have come up with some gems, and I think most of what I type down when I'm .... drunk, are actually better than what I come up with while sitting in my office, wondering where the f**k all my pens are! "screw you Jayne, I know its you" 

    I feel more free, more free to think, what if? What if I mix cherry reduction with pink pepper corns? Ostrich fillet with salted caramel crackle? Or adding rum into my crepe batter? I feel like my mind is clear of all the clutter! All the worries, "do i have enough butter for tonight's service?" "Is that order of sirloin going to arrive on time?" They are all gone, all I have is my thoughts. I do have my distractions, like will a vegetarian believe me if I tell them the scallops are actually a sea vegetable, I'll just stick those in the vegetarian option :) ( I get really stuck on vegetarian dishes ) 

    Desserts are my favorite! Sometimes I get lost, just creating dessert after dessert, six starters, eleven mains and forty seven desserts, yeah, that sounds good, and coming from a diabetic chef, SUGAR, F**k Yeah! (I can't taste any of it :( , Jayne, come taste these, let me introduce you to diabetes!)

    Starters are the worst though, I will be rereading my newly designed menu and then notice, Wow, that's a lot of mushroom dishes!

    Like I said before, I'm not a drunk, and I don't drink every night, but when I do go over the top, creating menus is what i do, either that or i sit and watch food network at three in the morning, Chopped, WTF, what the hell is that, come on! who the hell would pair Kobe beef with Doritos and jelly babies? And have you seen that chick who speaks perfect English with a perfect and I must say, cute accent, then pronounce taco, or any other Mexican word with an accent so put on, you would think she had some form of tourette's! Marcela Valladolid you're hot, but annoying.

    So, all I have left to say is, try it, get slaughtered and start writing! You will either wake up and be pleasantly surprised, or be wondering why an entire village is chasing you with pitch forks and torches.

    As you might be able to tell, I might, kinda be, s**t faced while writing this, but what the hell do I care, I have an award winning menu,... soon to be created!

    Good night everyone, 

    And may the fork be with you, Live long and puree, Fry you fools!

  2. phatch

    phatch Moderator Staff Member

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    I Just Like Food
    Alcohol is a depressant.  

    Children stop creating wildly when they are taught that not all creations are equally good and they begin to mentally filter their creativity. Alcohol depresses (supresses) that mental filter to a degree (and other impairments). 

    You can learn to be this creative without chemical aid if you want.