Menu Cliches

[greg]

Crudeau suggested this topic, thought it deserved it's own thread. Here's the ones that I can't stand.

• "grilled to perfection"- if I ever have my own place, my menu will state either, "grilled to mediocrity" or "grilled according to the cook's mood".
• anything "scented" with something, e.g. "scented with lemongrass".
• "flame-broiled"- as opposed to water-broiled, I guess.

I've got more, just don't want to take all the good ones.

[ March 10, 2001: Message edited by: Greg ]

 

[palmier]

Assorted Fruit Pie.....Can I just get apple, or do I need to settle for the assorted?

 

[cape chef]

"Jumbo Shrimp"
oximoron

 

[foodnfoto]

How about "bursting with flavor"?
I sorry, but I don't think that anything "bursting" in my mouth is a positive sensation-it usually means that the food is spoiled.
What else would food have anyway, but flavor?

 

[shroomgirl]

LOL~ what a hoot!!!!
Farm Fresh~not everything on a farm is fresh....though I did get a freshly laid warm egg yesterday which was really wonderful!
Homemade....whose home?????

 

[cape chef]

"fresh Frozen"

 

[pete]

This digresses just a little, but I find it very amusing. The chef I work with refuses to put plain old chicken on the menu. He prefers to run capon. The only problem is that our customers don't know what capon is and it doesn't sell that much. We tried to come up with new names for it to make it sell. We couldn't call it free-range chicken or amish chicken, that would be a down-right lie, but we wanted to give it a special designation. Finally, I came up with FARM-RAISED CHICKEN (as opposed to city-raised?!). Now we can't keep enough of it inhouse. LOL!!!!!!!

 

[foodnfoto]

Hey Pete-
How about "eunuch rooster" for your happy old capons?

 

[david jones]

I like the classics:

"Fifty cents extra for Blue Cheese" and "Not responsible for steaks ordered well-done"

 

[mofo1]

This doesn't quite fit with the theme, but I hate ka-bobs of any kind. My Father has them in his restaurant. A pain to make, and a pain to eat. I tried to talk him into calling them meatsicles but he chickened out.

 

[palmier]

CATCH OF THE DAY...YEA RIGHT!

 

[nick.shu]

heheh, kebabs, nice and 64.5 deg celsius on the outside, raw and 22.5 degs on the inside.

how bout :"chefs specials/favourites" when taking a new job and slowing shaking your head when these are made and presented.

Sometimes i think that "lovingly prepared by our chefs" doesnt quite cut it on the day when things are going wrong, customers are making rediculous requests and everyone is making a habit of stuffing everything up.

or perhaps "homemade". When was the last time a chef surprised the owner by bringing atleast a whole weeks worth of prep into work from home.

hehe.

 

[anneke]

Crudeau: what's wrong with deep-fat fried sushi? We sometimes make it at the restaurant as a special hors d'oeuvre, with a tempura batter. Tasty!

 

[shroomgirl]

This is a great thread!!!! Nick shu what is stuffing something up??

My farmer's have no clue how to caponize a rooster....apparently there is a skill to it. I'd like to see it happen for the better monetary return they get.

organic honey....no such thing, bees don't know the difference in what flowers they pollenate.

[ March 12, 2001: Message edited by: shroomgirl ]

 

[shroomgirl]

oh yeah what about lite, natural, etc....what a joke!!!

 

[momoreg]

My boss loves changing the names of dishes that we've already named. Why, I don't know. But one of them killed me, it was so funny, a peach tart suddenly became a peach tarte, and whatever accompaniment I had with it was gone, and replaced with "slathered in peach ice cream". Slathered? That sounds like a mess! We tried to really smear it on there!!!

 

[mezzaluna]

It's the mispelling and pomposity that get me. If you're going to use foreign languages to spruce up your descriptions, at least bother to get a good dictionary and spell things right! (Almondine for Amandine, etc.)But I think spelling errors are the worst. Sorry, that's the teacher in me squawking.

 

[pete]

There was a menu of a local restaurant being passed around by chefs. There were a lot of amusing (and disgusting) menu items, such as: a tuna app with "wasabi teased with raspberry" or the veal that sat "in a pool of mushroom ragout". Besides these funny terms, the spelling was absolutely terrible. Julienned spelled 3 different ways and at least 10 other spelling errors on a one page menu!!! That is one of my major pet peeves!

 

[greg]

• "Made fresh daily" Of course, you won't be served the stuff that was made that day. You'll be eating the stuff that was made the day before.
• Anything "nestled" or "cradled". I'm a cook, dangit, not a wet nurse!
• Any "tender, juicy" cuts of meat. Somehow I think most people aren't looking for dried out and chewy.

Btw, Foodnfoto, regarding food and flavor; you obviously haven't eaten food made by the last chef I worked for. Flavorless stock, flavorless, lumpy brown sauce, flavorless cabbage rolls, etc. were his forte'. If he could only find a way to market that, he'd be rich!

 

[papa]

My most favorite:

"All Natural" or "Natural".

How about "Unnatural or partially natural olive oil" for example?