Kitchen Personalities........

Joined May 4, 2005
The "Escoffier would be rolling in his grave" Newbie - The fresh-faced culinary graduate (or possibly extern) who actually believes that anyone cares they can namedrop old famous chefs, recite food trivia, or know what a coulis is. This is the person who will always say, "Well you know that dish isn't an AUTHENTIC <insert culinary term here, followed by scads of food etymology while other people are actually doing work>.

(If you are one of these people let me tell you right now that I will always prefer to hang out with the reliable Columbian grill guy and talk about football than I'd want to sit around with you and gush over how creative the new menu is at Spring.)
Joined Dec 6, 2006
Amen to that! Although I gotta hand it to Shawn McClain he really knows his stuff.

You and I always seem to agree on these kinds of things LogghiB. Here is another one.

"The Trotterite" A Chef who over complicates dishes to untenable extremes. The 'Orthodox' Trotterite will use four paragraphs to describe the texture of an edible flower in his salad.
Joined Jan 11, 2007
Heh. I know this guy.

"The Man Who Would Be Puck": A chef whose idea of "creativity in the kitchen" equates to "combine two to five different cuisines in a "fusion" that's just shy of utterly bizarre, not to mention borderline disgusting (like Medallions of Goat's Leg Curried a la Kiwi Fruit with a side of Beet Puree and a Crusted Parmesan Asparagus Spear, all on a bed of Bulgar Wheat Bran Flakes).
Joined Jul 28, 2001
The "bobble head" standing behind the chef while he is reaming someone.
The "referee" FOH suit trying to justify his or her existance by coming into the kitchen.
We have just written a small book. I claim it!!!
The "squatter" takes ownership for anything done in the past before you got here.
Joined Jan 30, 2006
The Knife: Claims the knives are too sharp/dull/light/heavy/small/large so he can't acually be expected to do his job under such conditions.

The Criminal: Friendly neighborhood drug dealer who begged you for a job so he could get into the work release program. Great worker, who threathens to come back and kill you once he is sprung for good.

The PMS chick: She can be excused from all bad behavior because she is PMS or PPMS (pre-pms) or the other PPMS (post-pms) or TOM. She's got the whole month covered! Let's all bow our heads, in silence, and wish for a Midol Moment.

The Historian: We have never done it like this before! We have never done it like this before!

The Family Tree: This guy has had so many grandmothers die that you have begun to keep track. Each of his parents must have been remarried a dozen times in order to come up with so many dead Grandmothers!

Joined Jan 11, 2007
Hey now... some of my best, most talented, and most dependable line cooks are criminals on work-release.
Joined Jan 1, 2001
What about the knife-porn-freak. This is the guy who is so fond of his knives -shows them to everyone, recites a spectral analysis of the metal content to anyone who will listen, sharpens them on the steel as long and loudly as he can, flips out if anyone walks too closely to it, cuts veggies faster (and louder) than anyone, but can't caramelize an onion to save his life and completely crushes any lettuce he tries to cut and wash.


Joined Jul 28, 2006
I belive that PMS is now more commonly used as a TLA (Three Letter Acronym) for Putting Up with Men's S#!+... :smiles:

Hand over the chocolate, and nobody gets hurt!!! ;)
Joined Jul 29, 2006
"The hispanic gangster"- Claims to have left his skull cap at home, so he wears a hair net to show off his new gang member style haircut.

"The dishwasher with pride"- Will tell you to stack the two hundred pans neatly (one on top of the other) on the dirty dish rack when you try to dump it and run.

"the idiot pastry cook"- Her idea of pastries is laying out a box of Otis Spunkmeyer's cookies out on a parchment lined sheet pan.
Joined Jan 11, 2007
The Professional Hang-Over: Doesn't matter what day it is, this guy shows up on the line smelling vaguely of stale beer. His eyes are red and puffy, his voice is gravelly, and while you're pretty certain he's not actually drunk, you know damned sure that he was quite recently. Constantly raids the first aid kit for tylenol.
Joined Apr 12, 2005
The prankster:

He's the person who makes the night bareable, whether it's leaving a scoop of butter (with chocolate sauce, just for effect) in an ice-cream bowl or a hockey-puck of espresso grinds dressed up with whipped cream for an unsuspecting server...and, who the heck put that sardine head in my shoe??

Joined Mar 16, 2005
The Stick In the Mud (Almost me in a nutshell)

Perhaps the most unamusing guy around, somewhat detached, is constantly worried and people may fear they have a stick up their posterior. But if you get to know him/her off the line, they may have a sense of humour.
Joined Sep 5, 2006
LMAO!! this is so funny!!! How many people are seeing themselves? I guess I am a "hard worker"- worked a private party for 21 at a small Italian restaurant last week- 5 plate meal + dessert. I did prep, serve, and clean- I never washed so many dishes... but it was cool to have the sous tell me I was doing all his work for him and asked if there was anything he could do to help ME...LOL

I've worked with a couple of "wine coneseurs"- the chef that perpetually has a glass of wine in his hand.(only the good stuff). Delegates chores well. By the end of the evening, he has equal to or more alcohol then the customers.


Staff member
Joined Jun 11, 2001
At one stage, my whole breakfast and lunch crew were work release.

Here's one I'm sure we've all encountered, or perhaps maybe even been at some time:

The new culinary grad :) Ack! It's been said. But then there's the "We do it the modern way now" graduate. :)

How about "Needs a drink by noon chef?" In at 6am, chugs coffee all morning, has a coupla drinks by noon, out of the kitchen at 3pm, on call but never answers his phone because he's too drunk by 6pm.
Joined Jan 13, 2007
how about the "sandbag sally"? he's got a pasta called for the third course, and drops it as soon as the words have left your mouth!! when the table get picked up, he just adds some chicken stock to "liven them up". this s.o.b. tries to use veggies that have been sitting for 45 mins., because "re-blanching them, makes it okay".

Joined Jun 27, 2006
"The Recycler"- The Chef/Sous that makes the service and bus staff empty all the unused (but still been tainted by the guest) butter that comes back in bullets/plates from the tables into a bucket to use for clarified or roux. Hey I'm all for saving a buck but this is as bad as watching the person that's a "trashcan diver". For the proper "comic relief" on this see the Seinfeld episode with the eclair and George. LOL :smiles:

Latest posts

Top Bottom