Kitchen Humor

21
10
Joined Jan 9, 2010
I've worked in a few kitchens, and so far, I've seen all kinds of jokes and pranks pulled on the proverbial 'new guy.' You know the one. Doesn't really know his way around a kitchen, can't really pick up a knife, and can't tell cayenne pepper from pepper corns. So what have you guys asked this guy to find? What did you make him do?

I've made this guy drain the hot water from the coffee maker that's got a tap in the wall. He got through 16 qts of water before we told him to stop running up the water bill. I've also asked him to get plastic bags and collect air samples from the refrigerators to send off to the CDC. I've had one find me cooking water, and another looked for a bacon stretcher.

I know I'm not the only A-hole that pulls these shenanagins, so what are you stories?
 
438
14
Joined Sep 29, 2009
I once sent a guy to the butcher looking for Kendoslavian Sausages. Called ahead and had the butcher play along.
Another time, I had a young Commis working to make sure that he removed the teeth from a Cornish Hen.
The classics are the search for things like the bacon stretcher, the noodle stretcher, the pickle slicer, the jar of steam, the butter clarifier, and such.
 
5,288
767
Joined Oct 10, 2005
It all depends...........

If the newbie is well mannered and not a jerk I tend to avoid all practical jokes--usually the kitchen needs grunt work done, and not an hour wasted looking for a sky-hook, a stove extension, or the special seasoning salt for the steam table.

Now, if the new guy is a blithering jerk, a know-it-all, or a brown-noser, I tend to get a bit, uh..."creative"

To knock the guy(or gals in a few instances) down a few notches, my favorite is to get an egg, blow it hollow, run a length of butcher's twine through it, and attach it to the back of the schmuck's apron. Nothing funnier than someone with a swollen head giving orders to Sous and line cooks with an egg dangling between his legs...

If they're truly gullible you can get them to make electricity: When boiling eggs in slighly acidulated water in an aluminum pot, you place a copper wire in the water with the other end on a light bulb, and the butt of the lightbulb on the pot. Betcha didn't know that!

An for the truly space cases, the ones you know won't last the week, I get them to clean out the fryer "The easy way"

Now you just need two lighly beaten eggwhites, but the schmucks almost always figure on more is better and get a dozen's worth. You clear a consomme with eggwhites, right? So, use the same priciple to clean the oil in the fryer. And the schmucks dump the whole thing into the smoking hot fryer. Within seconds, "Swamp thing", a huge eggwhite souffle, crawls out of the fryer, inflating at incredible speed and dribbling hot oil all over the place. The terrified look on the schmuck's face is indescribable, but then, so is the clean-up.......................
 
8
11
Joined Jan 19, 2010
Ok I always do this to the new dishwashers.....it is called a "pepper bomb". Take a dry saute pan and place it on high heat and add whatever spicy items you can find in the kitchen....I usually just use cayenne pepper, black pepper, ground cumin, and whatever other spices I think will work. Put them in the pan and let the mixture cook until it starts to burn and gets nice and smokey. Make sure the pan is extremely hot and immediately take it to the dishwasher and ask him to spray the pan out (get away as fast as you can.) As soon as the water hits the pan all that steam carries the mixture in the air and into the poor kids nose and throat. It sounds mean but it is quite funny to watch as long as you don't get hit by the cloud too! Just to be safe I always make sure he doesn't have asthma or anything before I do it! I would love to see some videos of people doing this to their kitchen staff!:lol:
 
21
10
Joined Jan 9, 2010
A friend of mine made a nice pepper pan for the server station one day. It's a really affective way to get the servers to check on their tables instead of hanging out in the kitchen.
 
66
10
Joined Mar 6, 2009
Send them to the walkin in search of the tortillas glue in the blue tube top shelf on the right and hurry up I need it right away. The ones that come back with a puzzeled look on their face are priceless.
 
704
21
Joined Apr 17, 2006
Stop it! I'm laughing so hard my back hurts about making electricity. I thought I heard 'em all. My favorite is still the guys who gave an ice sculpture to the new dishwasher after a wedding. They told him to run it through the dishwasher (3 section Hobart with dry cycle) and then put it in the freezer so they could use it for another wedding. The guy almost walked out because he was afraid they'd fire him when it melted.
 
1,632
32
Joined Aug 21, 2009
That is funny ... I can see our dishwashers looking at it and saying.. you do it I refuse!
 
195
13
Joined Sep 2, 2009
we roast whole pigs for our labor day lua so I always make sure I save the head and put it in the fryer for the next days line cooks.....thats always a nice thing to see first thing in the morning......I think of it as a tradition....
 
406
28
Joined May 8, 2009
I would feel honored to have your hog head welcome me in the morning, wherever it would make a heart stop.

I'm sure that there is a thread on here somewhere, but...

mop the walk-in freezer and smell the "is the balsamic reduction ready?" are classics.
 
15
11
Joined Feb 13, 2010
My personal favorite was sending the new guy to get the patio furniture de-icer from the basement, except there was no basement and we didn't have a patio. There was also the standby which is use a trash bag to take the air out of the walk-in, hey something in there smells bad,.... take this trash bag. And there's my "you're pissing me off and I want you to get out of my hair" fall back, which is go inventory the straws.
 
193
11
Joined Sep 26, 2009
I like the old ones. Count 500 leaves of gelatin or chop the flour for half an hour.:chef:
 
438
14
Joined Sep 29, 2009
Pulled this one on someone who asked me what a dough blade was for. It's for chopping dough ingredients, obviously. Could you handle that for me?
 
203
14
Joined Jan 23, 2010
one of the restaurants i worked at had a daily carvery sun - sat.

there was a hot carvery unit out in the restaurant itself and right beside it was a bain marie for all the veg and potatoes, so that people could get their preferred cut of roast meat from the chef at the carvery and help themselves to veg, potatoes and gravy at the bain marie.

we usually had 2 different types of potato, 4/5 different vegetables and gravy for the carvery veg. one particular day a staff member from the front of house said to me that my deep fried baton parsnips were going down well with the customers and could she have some more because people were piling the parsnips on their plates thinking that they were chips :lol:
 
31
10
Joined Feb 7, 2010
We had one know it all kid. We were doing live maine lobsters for a special. We told him how expensive they were and that he was to cook them off for the Chef, and of course the Chef would be very upset if they were cooked improperly. We then told him that he had to add a few to a large pot of water and stir vigorously because if they turned red then they were over-cooked and the Chef would have his a**! Precious.
 
438
14
Joined Sep 29, 2009
Something along the lines of, "Saute these shrimp but, dear god, don't let them go pink."
 
Top Bottom