In Uncharted Waters...relationships

Joined Apr 28, 2003
Since getting into the hospitality workforce, I accepted the fact that serious relationships don't often work.  Most of my fellow cooks and chefs within my circle are either single or divorced with only 1 or 2 still married but under a very unique circumstance (guys wife is 15 years younger then him, stay-at-home wife type) so I never really saw myself getting into one.  Plus the fact that I rarely get to meet girls let alone one that would accept me as who I am and what I do so the whole dating thing is also new to me.

Well just over a month ago, I was introduced to someone though a web of contacts by a close family friend like how most of us Chinese get hooked up.  We've only met up twice but supposedly I left a good impression; my aunt (related by marriage thankfully) maintains a level of contact with her through QQ which is the Chinese equivalent to Facebook so that info came through her.  The feeling is mutual.  Now contact is a bit hard for me to maintain; QQ is entirely in Chinese and I can't read any of it, I have her MSN address but I don't use MSN, and I have her cell# but our jobs make it hard to keep in touch that way also plus she doesn't have voicemail.  Her work has her home by 10pm and I'm told she does long hours 6 days a week, this is something I only just found out but I know what its like.  I've made roughly 9 calls to her total; 1 was answered, 1 callback, the rest were unanswered.  Given this information, I've been told by many others that this won't work or the facts seem to point to a lack of interest by her. 

Now like I said, I'm not very adept at this as I've never been even been on a real date.  I really don't want to write this off so quickly but at the same time, I'm having the same doubts.  I'll be giving her a couple more calls before I make a final decision but I'd like some outside opinions on this, be brutally honest if you have to.  Am I being too hasty?  Is this typical for those of you who are in a successful relationship? 
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Staff member
Joined Mar 29, 2002
make a few more efforts, then leave the ball in her court. Do so in  a awy that indicates you're open to contact still.  Then move on with living.

And make lots of poata explaining how to cook Chinese food here.
Joined Apr 18, 2011
Not to over-generalize women but they seem to respond to 3 things that I have personally noticed over the years. (Happily married now)

1) Confidence - This is #1 for a reason, because it's the best. You don't have to be handsome or super smart but if you're mumbling all the time and not looking her directly in the eye, she will sense your low self-esteem and back away.

2) Lack of Interest - This doesn't mean show her no attention, but don't over do it is all. You said you called 9 times, in what time frame was this? She called back once so does he have caller ID? If so, just call once a week. Leave the ball in her court. If you seem too overanxious then she will probably get turned off.

3) A Random Gift - For no reason and try not to seem like a stalker when you do it, send her a dozen roses or candy. Having a gift delivered in front of their co-workers drives women crazy. She will be forced to think about you multiple times that day, if not all day. This also pretty much guarantees a call that night.

I hope this helped and again, I don't mean to over-generalize women, this is just what I have learned from my personal experiences.
Joined Apr 28, 2003
9 times in just over a month, doesn't help that I got people bugging me to call her nearly eveey night too (family guilts me into calling by saying things like "I'll tell the lady (that hooked us up) that you're not interested" type BS). But like I said, I didn't know she gets home by 10pm till last Saturday and I've been mostly calling around 6 - 9pm.
I learned she likes dark chocolate so I pulled out my old truffles recipe a week ago but havn't had the chance to give them to her unless I can get them delivered.
I don't think she even has caller ID but I'm gonna wait a couple weeks to see if she calls me. If not then I'll conclude she's lost interest.
Joined Apr 28, 2003
Well it looks like nothings gonna happen. 

Several sources confirms she likes me.  However her mother isn't crazy about the idea of her dating someone like myself, local boy.  She prefers her daughter goes out with a Chinese Chinese guy.  At least I know I didn't scare her away. 
Joined Jun 14, 2002
Aw man, that sucks. At least you're not a total gweilo, lol.

I don't know how it works in Chinese culturally, but for a lot of young Americans parental disapproval usually works in your favor. It's forbidden fruit thing.
Joined Apr 28, 2003
Actually there is more to it then that...

1) Our stars don't align...whatever the H E double hockey sticks that means.  Old world superstition that I'm respecting only because my late maternal grandmother had similar beliefs.

2) My personal favorite because it is so insulting; my biological father isn't alive.  For some reason, this presents an issue with her mother.  Its not like I willed my father to die before I turned 4 years old.

I'm no guai lo, far from it though my Catonese does suck...only slightly better then my French.  What pisses me off the most about this is the fact that we both like each other and my family is very accepting of her but I'm being judged based on celestial placement and not having a living father, I mean I haven't even met her mother and she doesn't like me.  Well the lady that hooked us up called today to apologize, not that I blamed her anyways since its her mother that's beliefs that poses the problem.  However she works quick, she apparently already has another girl in mind :rolleyes:

I don't meet many girls that like me and I had approached this with cautious optimism, its a shame it still has to end even though we like each other but for some people, I guess its not enough.
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