Holiday eating tips

Discussion in 'Food & Cooking' started by chrose, Dec 16, 2004.

  1. chrose


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    Professional Chef

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's the holidays!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
    You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
    time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, position yourself near and don't budge. Have as much as you can before becoming the center of attention. It's like a great set of golf clubs. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Pecan . Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like Pecan, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

    Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

    Remember this motto to live by:

    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, greasy fries in one hand, beer in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

    Happy Holidays! :beer:
  2. shroomgirl


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    Professional Caterer
    I catered a party a couple of weeks ago with teenage girls that stood in front of the boiled shrimp and ate like there was no boat in site........gotta love it.
  3. mezzaluna


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    Cook At Home
    Great advice, Chrose! Except for #9. I am unabashedly delighted by any decent fruitcake. :lips:
  4. pete

    pete Moderator Staff Member

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    Professional Chef
    You mean you have actually found a decent fruitcake?? I didn't think they truly existed!!!! ;)

    I plan on living by these guidelines all season long....heck maybe for the rest of my life!!!!