help, am obsessed with african, caribbean and south american cooking. dont know what to do with my l

Joined Feb 18, 2009
I used to have a best friend from guyana in highschool and undergraduate years.  We cooked together guyanese and caribbean food.  Guyana is a south american country but part of the caribbean culturaly, at least on the coast.  I am now 33 years old and something of an african and caribbean literature, religious scholarship, polemic, history, critical theory (post colonial studies) and anthropology buff.  I am in school for anthropology and hope to get into grad school, learn haitian creole along the way and study afro caribbean religions in trinidad and haiti. its a very long shot,

other ideas are studying african and caribbean literature at the university of the west indies in st augustine trinidad, mona jamaica or cave hill barbados.  i have seen some of their curriculum and it looks like they have good programs.  I also own several books published by their university and am aware of several professors who are well renowned and teach there on and off, it is very daunting...The thing is im not the best writer, i procrastinate, school is hard and grad school isnt for everyone.  They dont just pass the golden keys out to everyone, not everyone makes the cut. my gpa is low.  I suffer from a severe mental illness.  I screwed up in the past.  I had problems in school due to mental illness, i made bad grades, i dropped in and out of school and work. etc.

I can list probably fifty caribbean and african authors that i like, so regardless of whether or not i get into gradschool, theoretically i could still pursue those interests in my free time.

Cooking makes me delirious, but im not really a professional.  I read marx, i hate this world etc, i think stupid people run the planet,. i think.  i think its attrocious how people can slip through the cracks, to say nothing of the tragic suffering in the third world, and the exploitation and imperialism and neoliberalism thati  slowly learn about. im not a professional. im not the smartest. i want to learn more, but i think. it slows me down in a kitchen. like nietzsche said, the spirit of gravity overtakes me. i dont dance throw life, i drag my heels. im sad. deep dark, depressed, sad, angry, hurt. and not a good man in that i am irresponsible, a bad worker, in disagreement with the majority. hell im not even an american, im a first generation euroipean immigrant cut off from my family in austria, and having difficulty making new west indian friends, although i obsess over the high quality of their literary offerings, their beautiful music, and their women of course... the first temptation (the second temptation being knowledge and the burden of truth)

my other interests include marx, nietzchse, carl jung, jacques lacan... western philosophy, teachings of sai baba, buddhist and hindu mythology etc....

onward to what may actually make me happy in life, the mind blowing recipes of africa, parts of south america, and the wide caribbean.

i forgot to mention these, another deep fried snack. just about the best thing you can do with a cassava. i will stuff mine with either eggs or minced beef seasoned with a brown sauce (browned onions and browned flour) along with some minced celery onion and thyme

i CAN POST MORE MIND BLOWING RECIPES AS THE THREAD DEVELOPS. I AM LOOKING FOR SERIOUS LIFE ADVICE HERE. whoops. i am very depressed. struggling in my classes. on meds. lost. dont want to end up in group home for mentally ill, on the streets or institutionalized. i want to have time to read. i want to exist with this food somehow and learn more about it. i know it is hard for man to admit and discover his yearning.i am having a bad time at it. i dont know wahat i want. that is the very thing. and time is running out

I have checked out about sixty books from the university library on africa, haiti, nietzchse, marx, and novels and poems from africa, and the caribbean and a few from south america (guatemala, colombia, brazil, peru), all i do is struggle through reading. i want to read. i love the life of books, but i never know what to write about. i have not been trained professionally as a writer, not that this is requisite, but it can help in the real world, i suppose. i keep on thinking of taking out loans and doing something drastic like a top tier cooking school. i have been obsessed with food all my life and i wonder if this intellectual thing is a graft, a false ideology, like i want to save the world. or become smart because i feel uneducated. i do not know of course. or maybe i do know but chose not to say what I REALLY think because it is stupid, simpleminded, banal and discouraging. but i toy with the idea of cooking school ,its just that i am after the authentic third world culinary experience. the secret stuff, the herbs, the ground up brazil nuts, the larva that are roasted, the sun dried crickets and palm oil, the tree barks, the special veggies, the ground crayfish, the garri, etc etc. does cooking school provide a way into this realm? am i simply a dreamer?
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