Funny phrases


Founder of
Staff member
Joined Oct 5, 2001
I thought this was a pretty funny twist on an old phrase:

"Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

Anyone else have any others?
Joined Mar 12, 2004
Remember, you are unique, just like everybody else.

What is the secret to success? Good decisions. How do you learn to make good decisions? Experience. How do you get experience? Bad decisions.

I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.
Joined Jul 31, 2000
One good turn gets most of the blankets.

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Joined Mar 12, 2004
My contribution to productivity at my job is to refrain from giving my co-workers the severe beatings they so richly deserve.

When composing an e-mail message to your boss from home late at night, be sure to take inventory of the empty beer cans around you before you press 'send'.

Two Rules For Success:
1) Never tell people everything you know.


Staff member
Joined Mar 29, 2002
That's a bear you'll have to cross.

Which with the simple reversal of two words mixes the original metaphor, mixes two metaphors, and creates a new one more frightening than the previous ones.

I just don't need any bears mad at me.

Joined Dec 12, 2000
Support your right to keep and arm bears.

These premises are protected by a pitbull who has aids
Joined Mar 12, 2004
Useful at work:

1. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
3. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
5. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
6. How about never? Is never good for you ?
7. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
8. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
9. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
10. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
11. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
12. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
13. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
Joined Dec 12, 2000
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right

Then of course there's the one on this shirt I got as a gift at the staff christmas party.
FBI : female body inspector
Joined Nov 20, 2000
Never fret your gizzard over things uncontrollable, for a fretted gizzard soon discombobulates":D

If you can't beat 'em.....let me beat 'em.

Make love not war....unless you love to kill.:rolleyes:
Joined Dec 12, 2000
That's just like, "guns don't kill people, I kill people" (courtesy of happy gilmore)
Joined Nov 20, 2000
I wish I could say that I said those but they actually came form a song called "Whatever happened to the chainsaw juggler" by The Four Postmen!
Joined Oct 13, 2001
A good mngmt. quote for ourselves is .........
"Why do what you should do today if you can get away with doing it tomarrow"

West vs. East in problem solving ............

Western mngmnt " who can we blame and punish for this problem"
Easterm mngmt "managers , this is the problem and how do we fix it so it happens no more?"
Joined Mar 12, 2004
The three sentences that will get you through life:

1- Cover for me.
2- Oh, good idea, Boss !
3- It was like that when I got here.
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