Funny Culinary Accidents.

Joined Jul 24, 2001
I know that professional chefs may hesitate to narrate a funny culinary accident they had in their career.
But we, amateurs can do this with no fear!Althought I would very much appreciate a profesional accident.

I will start by narrating my ridiculous culinary accident which is very recent and very funny.

This year, since I harvested a lot of tomatoes I decided to make tomato paste , among other things.

I do not know how , me ,the idiot, left the sealed jars under the sun before I store them in my kitchen.

One silent night, after the 11/09 we were sleeping in our room which is on the upper floor of our house , when we heard some strange noises as gun fires...

My husband woke up and asked me if I have heard anything but I told him to go back to sleep since the noise seemed to me that was coming from a distance. Yeah right! I was sleeping very far away from home !!

Next door lives the Israeli ambassador who is very jumpy lately and I understand why...

So after half an hourf the police invaded our house from the back door in the kitchen...

As they opened the door and they saw the tomato paste all over the walls they took it for blood.

I opened my eyes and I found myself surounded by the special forces pointing at us with their machine guns.

Well, me, as always I started laughting, gigling, to be exact and with the corner of my eye I was "enjoying" my husband "boiling" with anger.

I will never forget his face when he asked me after the police left.

" Tell me "honey" do you really have to cook?"


I am waiting for your story!
Joined Jan 1, 2001
I can't hope to top that one, but this might provide a chuckle.

I was working as director of food service for a specialty food store whose clientele included a fair number of very vocal vegans (those who choose not to eat any animal products.) Since the cafe catered to people with varied tastes and dietary disciplines, we also did a thriving roasted chicken business.

I was prepping a couple of cases of chickens for roasting---pulling out giblets, removing excess fat, etc. Well, I came across one hen whose ribs had been broken and while cleaning the cavity, one of the ribs became wedged under my wedding ring, cutting my knuckle considerably. No matter what I did, I couldn't get my hand out of the cavity of this raw chicken and blood was streaming down my arm to my elbow and dripping off the end. It was a gastly mess.

My only remedy to walk from the kitchen across the store to the meat dept. where they had heavy butcher's shears to cut the bird off my hand. Who should I meet on my way but a gaggle of these vegetarian ***** who, of course, were, understandably, horrified by the scene! They let me know. in no uncertain terms, that if I insisted on torturing animals that were already dead, I was a truly perverted individual and that they would no longer patronize our establishment!!!

Fine by me!
Joined Jan 1, 2001
Guess you had to be there, Cape Chef. Yes, I would call anyone who will tolerate only one point of view (especially when it comes to a person's diet) and insist on everyone else following that view a ****.
Come on, everyone laughed themselves silly about the "soup ****" on "Seinfeld".
Wasn't there a thread just recently about being tired of PCism?
Joined Mar 6, 2001
Wow, Anthenaeus!

My worst to date accident involved a wet head and chest when I tipped an unsealed bucket of mozarella while getting it off the top shelf of the walk in. I stunk all day and being too endowed to go with-out I didn't take my bra off, so every fresh coat I'd put on, my bra would wet. Of course all my co-workers were male.
Joined Jul 31, 2000
I understand your just trying to be funny. I did say it was a great story,But unless you have lost your grandparents and great aunts and uncles to the **** requem of ww 2 you could not begin to understand how that word used in a content like that may offend.
It just goes to show that this country is still out of tune with many aspects of it's history.
I hope you can respect my view
Joined Jul 24, 2001
Suzanne and Cape Chef you are great diplomats!;)

Wendy that was disastrous enough.

I agree with cape chef when it comes to use terms like that. It's not just a term, it is actually a practice.

BUT foodnphoto I would die to be in your place!!
You see I am not very fond of "activists vegeterians"
I can imagine the look on their face!!

I have been laughing since I read it!

Bond, I have been telling you but you didn't believe me. Keep a safe distance from me!!!

Joined Oct 5, 2001
Dear Friends:

You've made me laugh so hard! Thank you! These were really funny stories.

I do not have any disastrous stories to share. My culinary accidents were very common such as almost burning down the family house at the age of six while I was trying to roast my father's game over a fire that I had built in our kitchen using cotton balls, alcohol and two boxes of matches. I believe that it was then that my family decided that I had a talent for cooking and I was sent for a pet talk to my Great Aunt's kitchen!

I am not sure that the pet talk worked with me, although I clearly remember not being able to sit for a week after that incident for some funny reason that escapes me, since I developed my skills further. Since alcohol was not within my reach after that incident, I started emptying my father's shells and using the gun powder to roast the game that he brought home. Once again, I found myself being comfortable only at a standing position!

Who said that childhood is easy? Combine it with a child's culinary explorations and you have a pretty explosive story in your hands.

Joined May 11, 2001
My story isn't nearly as funny as any of the above although I have a similar story as Wendy involving a bucket of feta. That was a silly accident, but what I did to myself last night was truly stupid. I had my left arm inside and near the back of the mixer bowl to check on the elasticity of my bread dough. My right hand was resting on the ON knob when Theo barked and startled me. The mixer turned on and my arm got twisted around by the dough hook. I was in too much pain to think about shutting the machine off immediately. My first instinct was to try to yank my arm out, but the Kenwood has a low clearance between the bowl and the top of the mixer. I now have a diagonal, 4-in bruise on my inner arm and several round ones on the other side in addition to a huge, ugly, week-old bruise courtesy of Theo. I have my annual physical checkup on Thursday and the doctor is going to think that I'm getting beaten up!
Joined Jul 24, 2001
Risa! I hope you do not hurt too much...

BTW could you please post a bigger picture of your Theo! Such a cute guy!

Joined Sep 21, 2001
When I first started out in the restaurant biz, one of my jobs was that of breakfast cook/lunch prep at a hippy-dippy vegetarian place. At that time Teflon egg pans weren't used, and one of the duties of the breakfast cooks was to "season" the egg pans so they would'nt stick. And G-d forbid if they ever did! Well, I was new to kitchens and had no idea. My previous job was cooking breakfast at a coffeeshop where everything was cooked on flat grill. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
I came to work one cold Spring morning, unlock the restaurant and head to the kitchen. As I was going through the dining room, I heard a loud squeaking, like a bearing going bad on one of the ceiling fans. It was loud enough to be heard in the kitchen, but after the hoodfan was turned on, and the gas fryer fired, it blended into the background noise. One of the daily morning prep jobs was to fill 2 2quart pitchers with honey, from the large tin in the back. This usually took a while, so on cold mornings I got into the habit of leaving as the pitcher filled. So I go back and change the pitchers, my prep is going along when the morning waitress shows up. She starts setting up the dining room and runs back terrified "There is a mouse in the dining room!"
The loud squeaking turned out to be a mouse. So I stop what I'm doing and try to help her catch the thing, and it won't leave. It just darts from under table to table, squeaking louder than ever.
Then of course, its' time to open. And would'nt you know it, but several tables arrive right then.
We try to regain our composure and seat the guests, the mouse is loud enough that people are looking around for the noise. The waitress takes the orders, and I started doing the eggs. Over Easy. The first flip and the eggs break in the pan, and weld tight. So I try it again. Same result. I destroyed every pan in the place. The guests, having waited this long, are now crawling around the dining room floor trying to corral the mouse, when the waitress comes in and announces "now the darn thing is sneezing!" It took about another 30 minutes to catch the thing. I think everyone got scrambled eggs that day.
Well, the excitment was over, we were calmed down, but for some reason, I had this nagging thought I had forgot....THE HONEY. I scooped it out of the way with the door as I opened it....
Joined Jul 24, 2001
It's funny when something lousy happens and we are certain that the End of the World is approaching, to narrate the same incident after years bursting out of laughts ( I hope that I wrote that right!)
Joined Oct 27, 2001
When my mother was a newly-wed her and my father had absoulutely no money. She decided one day to treat herself and my father to a supermarket bought chicken. Her Father was a butcher, so she had never bought meat in her life. She put the chicken in oven to roast and about an hour later couldn't get over the horrendous smell. At that time chicken from supermarkets came with the giblets wrapped in a plastic inside the chicken. She didn't know this. the smell of burnng plastic along with burning innards stankout the kitchen for weeks.
lesson: check inside your chicken before you roast it!

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