First time for everything!

Discussion in 'The Late Night Cafe (off-topic)' started by headless chicken, Oct 1, 2004.

  1. headless chicken

    headless chicken

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    I just found out that some girl in school likes me :eek:

    Actually, I did a tour of Chinatown (my old stomping grounds) for those who was interested. Only 2 bodies showed but hey, it gave me an excuse to get out of the house and not do home work. Nearing the end of my tour, she actually aproached me and just said it.

    Supposedly, she felt it 2 weeks into school and have just developed the guts to say it to me.

    Ok, a couple red lights are coming up.

    Firstly, its barely been a months since I've known her. What can someone possibly see in me in less than a month that they find attractive.

    And 2, what does she see in me.

    I've asked many girls out and been rejected 75% of the times, the other 25% used me. The combination of low confidence and my pesimistic view on "love" is causing a little paranoia in this situation. I personally don't like her in that sence but I really don't want to just reject her like what I've gone through, hurts like **** and she's still got 7 months of school to get through. I was thinking of being a bit more liberal, give her a chance sort of thing even though I know shes not my type and that there really can't be anything between us. But will my stratagy make things worse?
     
  2. panini

    panini

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    How can you possibly know that she is not right for you. It's a very simple 4 step process. Friends--Good Friends--Very Close Friends--Partners. Stop analyzing and go make some friends.
    Course this come from an old worn out fart that spends 24-7 working a business with his best friend. Married 18 yrs. Don't take your time. I just received my AARP card today!!!!!!!!!Good luck :D :eek:
     
  3. cape chef

    cape chef

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    As always,

    Great advice!

    Sugar is sweet but candy is dandy.

    Watch out AARP, here comes Jeff!
     
  4. deltadoc

    deltadoc

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    Hey Headless Chicken,
    Lots of people lack confidence in themselves. It's no wonder with the world of advertising that we live in. TV that makes everything seem glamorous, and we sit there thinking how unglamorous our own lives seem in comparison.

    A person's looks are really not the important thing. Looks will fade over time, and they will fade very quickly. What you left with then dude? I will tell you what you are left with: personality. companionship. a trusting partner in a trusting and loving relationship.

    Based on your own self reflection and your experiences of rejection, think how hard it was for this girl to approach you! Why worry about what she "sees in you"? That's her business, not yours! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

    Don't start off thinking about a sexual relationship. Try just being friends. You got male friends? You have ugly male friends? You don't pick your male friends based on what they look like. DO the same with this girl.

    What a person may seem like on the surface is usually more of a facade anyway. Its the face that we all put on to exist in the business world. Are you the same at home as you are out in public?

    This girl may have wonderful gifts that you will only know about as you get to really know her. Listen to ABBA, "when all the pretty birds have flown, take a chance on me"...that's what she is saying to you!

    doc
     
  5. jim berman

    jim berman

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    "Who could tell by looking at a caterpillar that one day it would be a butterfly."
     
  6. chef heather

    chef heather

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    Who the **** can tell what ANYONE really looks like...or HAS looked like nowadays! As a woman in my 40's...natural bonde...natural 40's body with no IMPLANTS....I am looking for a sweet, "natural" man. Be bald!! Or have GREY HAIR!! I love it!! Have some love handles!! Have some smile lines around your eyes so I can see you have laughed in your life! I will not be looking for a "re-done" man from some FOX TV show! And....a REAL man who is 40 and above will KNOW I can give him more in the sack than some plastic bimbo in her 30's ever could...why? Because at my age I understand men. I think. Eh-hem. :p So...it's their choice and I know basically what the choice is. Which is sad. And men don't realize how sad it is for them when they're old and seeking the *basic*....which is LOVE and someone to care for them WHEN they are old and to wipe the drool off their chin implants. :cool:
     
  7. chrose

    chrose

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    Funny to me that you say that Heather. Funny because I am in my mid 40's and although I appreciate the young beauties, I find women my age generally much more attractive. Perhaps it's the combination of experience(s) and the fact that women are just beautiful in general but give me a "natural" woman my age anytime (except for my wife who's younger than me!) Does that totally blow off what I just said? :rolleyes: She is far more mature than her age would indicate. :eek: Oh never mind, you know what I mean :eek:
     
  8. headless chicken

    headless chicken

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    Well, its not so much her physical appearance that dosn't attract me but more so her character and behaviors. I've scene total knockouts walking down the street but I totally turn around and look the other way when I see them smoking or talking trash.

    This girl is nice, don't get me wrong. Shes small town so she is simple in many ways, shes got this tough mantality like she can take care of her own, and she acts quite immature during most of our off hours considering shes 18. This is what has me confused, I'm a big city guy, quoted to be mature (some people think I'm closer to my 30s when I'm really just pulling 22), quiet...I'm like Paul Finch from American Pie without his high level of sophistication. What she sees in me, I really don't know. Like pairing a cat with a fish.

    I don't think I've mentioned this but I've never had someone approach me and say "I like you"...not once in my whole life. I guess I'm kinda freaking out, in shock.
     
  9. mezzaluna

    mezzaluna

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    Just an observation, but 18 is very young. Her approach seems appropriate for that age. If you feel the attraction, give it a little time- a few months- to see how things are in your own head and when you're with her.

    This may sound strange, but if you exude lack of confidence, you will undo your efforts. If you can't find the confidence for real, FAKE IT. Act like you really are confident. That doesn't mean to come on like some macho dude! Eventually real confidence will emerge when you have learned what feels comfortable for you.

    Just my two cents. Good luck!
     
  10. pete

    pete Moderator Staff Member

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    Great point Mezz!! There is a big difference between being and feeling confident in yourself, and being self-centered, self-absorbed, and egotisical. As someone who used to have very little confidence in myself (big surprised, I know!!! :p ) when I tried acting confident, I usually came across in a crass, egotisical way. It is hard to fake confidence, if you don't have any, because you usually end up over compensating. But its really not hard to develop self-confidence. The first thing you must do, is really and truly grasp the concept that you shouldn't give a rat's a** about what other people think of you. When you are concerned with such things you spend all your time trying to please other people, and often trying to be what they want you to be, not who you are. Allow people to like you for who you are, and those that don't, well...who needs them anyway. The next thing to do is really discover what your good points are. Everyone has them, but people don't often see their own strengths. Use those strengths, play upon them and as you rack up small successes, due to those strengths, your confidence will naturally build.
     
  11. mezzaluna

    mezzaluna

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    Amen, Pete.