Dumbest. Waiter. Ever

Joined Jan 11, 2011
Just had to share this.

Things started a little slow last night, and as I began my station prep I notice one of the waitstaff wander back to the back room and chat up one of the commis. No biggie, but when I look up about 15 minutes later he's still there, still BSing with anyone who walks by. I still don't say anything (don't want any BOH/FOH issues, you know) then after another 15 minutes I check and he's STILL THERE only now he was sitting on a milk crate and texting while he's talking, so I finally head back and ask him if there's not something else he was supposed to be doing. He jumps up off the milk crate he was sitting on and he goes off on me, telling me that I'm not his boss, so I offer to go get the FOH manager and discuss the matter with him, at which point he actually storms off and gets the FOH manager himself. So the two of us stand there and this waiter actually argues that since he didn't have any tables (how he was aware of this while sitting in the kitchen, I have no idea) he should ABSOLUTELY be able to sit around and chat up anyone he wants.

Obviously the FOH manager just shook his head and told him to back in the dining room. Why he's still employed I have no idea.

I mean, can you believe anyone would actually be dumb enough to argue to their boss that they have a right to sit around and text for 45 minutes in the middle of a shift?

Can any of you top this for sheer cluelessness?
Joined Dec 17, 2009
I have seen many stupid, lazy people, or sluggards, FOH or BOH, waste an entire shift engaging in horseplay or goofing off in this trade. Nepotism and cronyism is the way of the world, and the cooking trade is no different.

I only wish that everyone who enjoys cooking as an avocation would realize that simply because they enjoy cooking at home, it is nothing like cooking in a commercial kitchen, when one's livelihood is dependent on what one puts on the plate.

Likewise, many people enjoy playing an instrument and making music as an avocation. However, if those same people were to try to earn a living playing music, they would quickly discover, to their chagrin, that they would be obligated to sell albums for the record company. Otherwise, if they do not sell albums, and make a profit for the record company, the record label would drop them as a recording artist, and they would find themselves playing at bar-lounges, subways, street corners, weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, etc. Excuse me for digressing.

In Europe, a waiter must serve an apprenticeship, and waiting on tables is a vocation, a career, as is cooking. Unfortunately, in the U.S., anyone and everyone can call himself or herself a "chef." If they would simply look up the word "chef" in the French Dictionary, they would see that it simply means "boss." Likewise with table service. Anyone can call himself or herself a waiter/waitress.

Very few people are professional waiters/waitresses. Most people working as waiters/waitresses are usually college or university students. Of course, some waiters/waitresses work to make a living. Unfortunately, the aforementioned fellow above is a poor representative of a waiter. Perhaps he should seek a different vocation?
Last edited:
Joined Oct 10, 2005
Uhh.. sure, off the top of my head:

"You're  so rude , I'll get back to work as soon as I'm done checking up on my F.B.status"

"Don't you know I'm entitled by law to have a 15 min break every hour?"

"Well you weren't using that block of cheese, so... I though I'd take it home and use it"

Stupidest one I ever had was a waitress who was always late in the morning, work started at 7.00 and she always complained that her bus got her at work at 7:05.  I had a good p/t waitress, so I told Ms. Einstein to start work at 7:30.  A week goes by and she's late.  I tell her to start at 8:00, but always the same quitting time, 2 pm.  This goes on until she's only working from 11-2, minimum working hours rquired by law.  End of the month she's screaming at me atht she can't make rent becasue of the "new hours"  
Joined Dec 4, 2010
I was working as a sous chef at a country club and we had just reopened a few days earlier after major renovation so we were packed. There was one waitress who everyone could tell would be trouble because she was a pretty girl who would try and flirt her way out of trouble. One night in the middle of a rush, she forgot to put the temp down on a steak. At first it was no big deal. This stuff happens and we were just glad we caught it early. We ask her to go get it and she disappears from our vision. A few minutes go by, then five, ten, finally after fifteen minutes I leave my station to find her and there she is right around the corner talking on her phone.

"What are you doing?!?!"

"Talking to my mom"

"Have you gotten that temp yet?"

"Not yet, but I haven't talked to her all week"

"I don't care, get the freaking temp!"

Luckily her table was pretty drunk so they didn't notice how long their food took. She got fired within the next couple weeks for missing shifts. She almost managed to flirt her way out of it with the manager until the entire kitchen staff objected to the reconsideration.
Joined Aug 26, 2010
Well, I don't think I can top the milk crate-sitting, BSing, time-wasting, self-serving, narcissistic server story. Guy has some big ones. But I used to work in a bread bakery area of a large restaurant in Scottsdale and we would bake up to 24 sheet pans of foccacia for table service per day, usually in two shifts. We always had them ready at 10:30am for lunch service. The servers would have to take them on proofing boards up to the front area where they would cut the bread. We also didn't punch our bread down so it was pretty fluffy (the owner wanted it that way). So one of two things always happened to the dimmer ones, much to our amazement/amusement:

1. They would stack three pans worth of bread on top of each other and cut through the whole stack with our cheap serrated knives, rendering them flat.

2. We always told them when a new load of bread would come out, "Careful, those are really hot." You know where I'm going with this. Yes, they grabbed the 450 degree sheet pan with bare hands. Our motto in the bake shop was, "I TOLD YOU SO."
Joined Apr 28, 2003
I doubt I can think of anything to top it but I can try to match it.

Salad bar station; person running that station has roughly 2 hours to get her mise in place with a little bit of help.  I watch as she walks slower then a crippled 60 year old, I swear I can go to the bathroom outside and come back to see all shes done is grab 3 peppers from the walkin.  Yet when I prep her hot items that she needs to cut, she leaves them for me to cut using the excuse "I need to open, I don't have the time"...yet she has the time to stand around every 10mins chatting up with the cashiers speaking in God knows what language.  In the past when I had to jump in, I had that station up and ready in just over 1hour no help.  And now she wonders why she is working fewer hours "well your pretty much useless and slow doing anything else"...And thats just 1 worker, I could go on forever about almost everyone else.
Last edited by a moderator:
Joined May 22, 2010
When I first became "chef", I inherited a straight up mess. It was terrible... prepackaged frozen burgers, frozen canneloni, a food cost of approx. 50%, premixed seasonings laden with chemicals, a closet sized kitchen with ancient equipment, a freezer inventory of about $12,000 dollars and no place to use it up...

Anyways... there was a jug of bright red, 100% pure salt "Cajun Spice" on the spice rakc. Pure garbage.

Middle of lunch one day, slammed, but doing well...a server places an order for a caesar salad with "Cajun chicken" (if ever there was a term I hate, this is it "cajun chicken").

it's not a menu item.

The restaurant is packed, we're in a total white-out, micros is not shutting up...
She comes into the kitchen, i tell her... "We don't have "cajun chicken" on the menu, and I don't have time to make a spice blend. You're gonna have to explain it to your guest."

She refuses.

I tell her again.. she leaves the kitchen in a huff.

comes back "I told him you refuse to make it and he thinks you're an idiot... what kind of restaurant doesn't have cajun chicken on the menu??"

"about 95% of them actually... watch your mouth"

So I put up her salad, beautifully cooked, juicy sliced chicken reast on top of it...

and I look up from the line to see her... she has removed the breast from the salad by hand, placed it on a plate and is dousing it in dry "cajun spice" from the jar.

I lost it.

Can't repeat a single word of what was said here, though.

I lost it.

She was gone.
Joined Aug 6, 2010
Last night I got sent home early from work for throwing away chicken. We pre-portion the chix tenders because apparently people can't count enough that we had high waste on pre cut tenders... 

Anyway, so they were in potion bags labeled to be tossed tuesday... and now on thursday they were emanating a rancid gym locker sock kinda smell... the manager told one of the younger cooks to serve anyway... odd since he's been a cook with the company for 15 years and graduated a well named culinary school. You would think he would know better... good luck 
Joined Aug 21, 2009
Aric.. that is just gross on the chicken.. can you guys not pre portion them and then freeze the portions pulling only what you need to make your daily stock pars?   I see you are a line cook.. what I have always done is put a big note that  says DO NOT USE SHOW TO THE KM  on anything I have doubted and put it in a remote place in the walk in.  At the end of the day it is his food cost not mine as I am his assistant but if I see visible spoilage I just trash it, write it off and tell the KM what I trashed and why.  And was that manager a kitchen manager or a general or front of house manager?

If I were in your shoes I would be looking for other work....
Joined Aug 6, 2010
I actually started a new job today and will be working both for the time being. The manager in question is the bar/ FOH manager, but he was a cook prior to getting his bachelors in hospitality management at Johnson and Whales... So he really has no excuse. As far as throwing out food at our place goes, most of the staff has to run it by management, and some of the higher priced items such as porterhouse', but myself and one of the other senior cooks generally just make the decision and let the KM know, as she trust our judgement. This place is corporate and the GM has a background in business not in a restaunt so it's hard sometimes to explain the concept of food quality over food cost. Thankfully, the new position is working for a chef who thinks that ground beef and fried food are gross so I don't think that quality will be an issue lol. 
Joined Jan 11, 2011
Just a quick update to anyone who read the OP.

As should come as no suprise to anyone, we were introduced to the new FOH manager last night. Seems ownership felt the old one was just a tad out of touch.
Top Bottom