A funny story for those of us with kids.

31
10
Joined Jul 12, 2001
This is a true story.) If you have children you will
probably relate to this father...

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab
of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of
expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I
carried
it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with
both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my
side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get
my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first
and only time I have sprinted with my tongue
protruding.

With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of
routine
shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard)
my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard
"Poupon.'"

This did not happen to me but it was **** funny
 
1,310
15
Joined Dec 4, 2001
LOL :D :D

It reminds me of a friend of a friend who was a pediatric nurse and worked in the intensive care unit of Oakland Children's Hospital.
She liked to have fun with new doctors and she would mash some avocado and let it oxidize a bit. Then she would smear it on a diaper and take it to one of the new doctors. She'd say, "I need your opinion on this doc. I've done the usual tests but I'm still not sure." Then she'd lick some off her fingfer and say, "But it tastes OK!" You can imagine the young intern's reaction. :)

Jock
 
818
16
Joined Oct 13, 2001
Jock , thanks for the great idea as I work in a skilled nursing home . Alas , my poor co-workers dont even know its coming .
Doug.............................................. ............
 
799
12
Joined Feb 21, 2001
There's a great story in I think a Jim Bouton book about a baseball player who took unfiltered apple juice into his physical with him. When he had to go pee in a cup he filled it with the apple juice, took it out to the nurse and said, "Looks a little cloudy. I'd better run it through again." And drank it. This was the same player who was sitting next to a guy on a plane who puked into his hands in turbulence. He said, "Good hands." Baseball joke, I guess.
 

kuan

Moderator
Staff member
7,067
524
Joined Jun 11, 2001
Heh... :) I think it's extremely funny, even though I don't have any kids!

Kuan
 
2,518
33
Joined Nov 20, 2000
As long as we're on the topic I'll relate the story my mother likes to tell of my sister back many moons ago. It seems she was wearing her training pants and they were a little full. As she ran down the sidewalk little balls of "doody" were dropping out of her pants. (This was in the 50's before tight pampers) anyway as they were dropping out, my cousin was running behind her and jumping on them and squashing them into the sidewalk. My godfather, rest his soul, was running behind them with a shovel yelling at them while he was scooping them up. What a great visual, especially if you knew what these 2 looked like.:D :) :D
 
22
10
Joined Jul 3, 2002
Hi all,

This story might get me kicked off this forum, but I think it's funny as ****. When my son was about a month old, I was changing his diaper and my dog decided that he HAD to investigate with both paws on the changing table and his snout REALLY close to my son's bottom. Well, right at the moment as I lifted his legs to put a fresh diaper on, my son let go with some pretty explosive poop, RIGHT INTO THE DOG'S MOUTH! My poor dog. After a long time of trying to compose myself and cleaning up my son, the changing table and other items, I finally had to clean up my dog with a LOT of wipes. Needless to say, my dog never did that again.

Ciao for now
 
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