A funny story for those of us with kids.

Discussion in 'The Late Night Cafe (off-topic)' started by joshua tomczyk, Sep 3, 2002.

  1. joshua tomczyk

    joshua tomczyk

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    This is a true story.) If you have children you will
    probably relate to this father...

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab
    of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of
    expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

    The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I
    carried
    it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with
    both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my
    side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get
    my sandwich," she said.

    I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
    and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
    noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

    I love mustard.

    I had no napkin.

    I licked it off.

    It was not mustard.

    No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first
    and only time I have sprinted with my tongue
    protruding.

    With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of
    routine
    shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

    Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard)
    my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard
    "Poupon.'"

    This did not happen to me but it was **** funny
     
  2. shawtycat

    shawtycat

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  3. momoreg

    momoreg

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    YUUUUUCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek: I can relate!
     
  4. jock

    jock

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    LOL :D :D

    It reminds me of a friend of a friend who was a pediatric nurse and worked in the intensive care unit of Oakland Children's Hospital.
    She liked to have fun with new doctors and she would mash some avocado and let it oxidize a bit. Then she would smear it on a diaper and take it to one of the new doctors. She'd say, "I need your opinion on this doc. I've done the usual tests but I'm still not sure." Then she'd lick some off her fingfer and say, "But it tastes OK!" You can imagine the young intern's reaction. :)

    Jock
     
  5. cape chef

    cape chef

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    OMG!!!!!!!!!!

    :eek: :lips: :p
     
  6. chefboy2160

    chefboy2160

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    Jock , thanks for the great idea as I work in a skilled nursing home . Alas , my poor co-workers dont even know its coming .
    Doug.............................................. ............
     
  7. thebighat

    thebighat

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    There's a great story in I think a Jim Bouton book about a baseball player who took unfiltered apple juice into his physical with him. When he had to go pee in a cup he filled it with the apple juice, took it out to the nurse and said, "Looks a little cloudy. I'd better run it through again." And drank it. This was the same player who was sitting next to a guy on a plane who puked into his hands in turbulence. He said, "Good hands." Baseball joke, I guess.
     
  8. jim berman

    jim berman

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    I have 3 kids... and changed many diapers. All I can say is

    GROSS!
     
  9. kuan

    kuan Moderator Staff Member

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    Heh... :) I think it's extremely funny, even though I don't have any kids!

    Kuan
     
  10. chrose

    chrose

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    As long as we're on the topic I'll relate the story my mother likes to tell of my sister back many moons ago. It seems she was wearing her training pants and they were a little full. As she ran down the sidewalk little balls of "doody" were dropping out of her pants. (This was in the 50's before tight pampers) anyway as they were dropping out, my cousin was running behind her and jumping on them and squashing them into the sidewalk. My godfather, rest his soul, was running behind them with a shovel yelling at them while he was scooping them up. What a great visual, especially if you knew what these 2 looked like.:D :) :D
     
  11. chefgbs

    chefgbs

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    Hi all,

    This story might get me kicked off this forum, but I think it's funny as ****. When my son was about a month old, I was changing his diaper and my dog decided that he HAD to investigate with both paws on the changing table and his snout REALLY close to my son's bottom. Well, right at the moment as I lifted his legs to put a fresh diaper on, my son let go with some pretty explosive poop, RIGHT INTO THE DOG'S MOUTH! My poor dog. After a long time of trying to compose myself and cleaning up my son, the changing table and other items, I finally had to clean up my dog with a LOT of wipes. Needless to say, my dog never did that again.

    Ciao for now