# pet peeve -- when recipes bomb . . .



## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

I saw a promo for a Martha Stewart episode where she makes these "Ultimate Brownies". They looked so fabulous, so I went on line and printed the recipe out. I followed the directions to a T, yet the end result was hideous! They were thick brownies baked in a 9x13 pan, and it said to bake them at 425 degrees. Doesn't that seem high for brownies?? It said to bake them for 25-30 minutes, but after 25 minutes the top was completely burned (resembled that of charcoal) and the inside was still gooey. It is so frustrating because it wasted a pound of good (expensive) chocolate. Do they really test these recipes?? grrrrrrr


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Not only does some of her recipes don't work but some of the recipes in one of her book were copied right out of Joy Of Cooking....


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

The revenues she gets for her books still outweigh the cost of a lawsuit against her I guess...


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

One of the thing I do not like about Martha and her show and magazine is that I always have the feeling that whatever she does she does it for her not for the viewers or readers. She has a colorist over to clone the shade of her egg to paint her dining room. Watch Martha set her sewing closet. Watch Martha and a carpenter set up her new garden shed etc. Haven’t you notice it’s all about I. I prefer this or I want this etc.


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Yup! "It's a good thing"...if it's for MARTHA! I'm tired of her lines... "Used the best ___ you can find." Sure, everybody can afford that! And what was that about raising your own chickens in your backyard? 'And here's what you do with your excess truffles.' Excess did you say???????????


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

I take the good and leave the bad!


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has compaints about Miss Martha.
I looked on the Recipe Excange for the superduperbrownies thread, and wasn't able to find it on any of the 9 pages. Maybe I am blind and just missing it  Do you happen to know the date of the post?
I have to agree with the comment that Martha seems to do her show about herself. I used to subscribe to her magazine and I finally canceled my order. It is a beautiful magazine, but it is mostly made up of advertisements and it lacks substance. There are some interesting food articles sometimes, but what is the use if the recipes don't work? I'll just let Martha make a candleholder out of hazlenuts, make her homemade lipbalm, etc while I do some real baking


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Oops, sorry! It's under Pastry and Baking, a thread called 'the quintessential brownie".. I think..


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## katherine (Aug 12, 2000)

This recipe definitely comes from the dirtiest page in the cookbook. Chocolate fingerprints...

Brownies (severely adapted from James Beard's American Cookery)

1/2 cup butter
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
1-1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup sifted all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup walnuts or pecans (optional)
1 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a 9x9 pan (8x8 if you're not using chips and nuts) with parchment so it overhangs, giving you a handle to pull the brownies out with.

Melt the butter and chocolate on 50% in the microwave or in a heavy pan on low. Stir in sugar, eggs, vanilla, flour, salt, nuts, and/or chips (if you are using them). Scrape into the prepared pan, and bake until no longer liquidy, ~30-35 minutes. It will not get as firm as a cake, so don't overcook.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool. Lift out of the pan by the paper tails, plop on a cutting board, and cut with a big knife. 

Just Desserts is an interesting unauthorized biography of Martha Stewart some of you might want to look up.


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Bakerbebe: You are sooo right! I've tried a few of her recipes and I can say with experience that they are terrible. One of the biggest complaints the anti-Martha campaign had against her was the fact that her recipes don't work. If you're looking for a REALLY good brownie recipe, there's a thread in the Recipe Exchange 
superduperbrownies you will surely find something worthy of your expensive chocolate there!


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Sorry, I think you guys are totally missing it! Once upon a time when Martha was alone publishing books she didn't test her recipes as throughly as she should have. Quick Cook and Entertaining missed on a few baking recipes. But then I can list hundreds or more of the best baking books that have clunkers too. Every magazine out there fits that description, they all have clunkers! EACH and EVERYONE. 

Perhaps you weren't working professionally when she first entered the market but she made a HUGE HUGE impact on food presentation the likes that no one in my working life time has. She took food off sliver trays and brought us into style, we now present food on trays garnished to FIT THE PARTY. Shes opened the door for creative work in this industry. BILLIONS and billions of dollars are being spent on parties in areas where they were rarely at best ever spent. Stores now carry fuller decortive lines of party supplies, party consultants and florists bring us more interesting requests for work instead of old Wilton era cakes of which we can charge more for too. 

Her current work in baking is the BEST American work put out there. She's highlighting the best chefs in food and pastry and giving them credit on her show and in her magazines. 

She doesn't dummy down anything in her magazine, she simplifies comlicated things and teaches details that other publications omit that educated people want to know about gardening or cooking. It isn't family circle magazine, it's for people who appereciate fine things and want to learn about them in detail.


The better baker you are the less false leads you follow. 99.99% of every baking recipe that requests a 450 degree oven throws up a red flag for me because ther are only a VERY VERY FEW items that are baked at that temp. Unforunately mis-prints happen, and they happen everywhere including the best cookbooks not just magazines. 

I can list recipe after recipe published in her books and magazines that are gold! I know of no other American baker that I can list so many from!


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## isaac (Jun 9, 2001)

i totally agree with W. DeBord.


martha has played a big role in cooking and baking for along time and she still does.

as a cook or baker, like w. debord was saying, you must use common since and if something doesnt sound right, then it is probobly not right. there are miss prints all the time in recipes but with a carefull eye, you can look through those miss prints and come out with a great dish. 

her books are good... very good. she has good ideas and tricks that everyone can learn from. i dont trust what everyone says about a recipe... i just know when i read a recipe, i use common since. if something calls for a 450 oven, then i know that i should maybe turn it down a little or something like that.


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

To W. DeBord and Isaac ~~

I don't think anyone was saying that Martha Stewart hasn't had an impact on America. I do think she has a great sense of style in her presentation of food, home, garden, crafts, etc. 
It is just that a lot of her recipes do not work. I know I am not alone in this opinion. Of course, in every book -- there are some recipes that don't work. 
And for the record, I am *not* a professional (and I saw an interview with Martha that says she wants to target the home chef, not just professionals)-- but I have been baking for a very long time. I did think that the 425 degree oven sounded ridiculously high -- but I went on her website and her recipe is posted that way on the archives and on the day she aired that particular recipe on her TV program (funny how things are always perfect on TV). Also, after my "brownie disaster" I went and posted about it on her bulletin board and lo & behold -- others had experienced the same thing. 
And when you are using good chocolate such as Valrhona or Scharffenberger -- you don't want to see a misprint.


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

Just another note -- I just found out that the 425 degree oven WAS NOT a misprint. That is the way it was presented on Martha's show. So, whatever -- the recipe doesn't work.
And W. DeBord, I have to completely disagree with you that Martha singlehandedly changed the industry. I am very interested in interior decorating and gardening as well as baking -- and Martha has "borrowed" her ideas from leaders in these fields for some time. Yes, she does give credit to chefs when she has them on her show. But I have seen pages in her magazine of "her" ideas for decorating -- and they are copied straight out of my Pottery Barn Catalogue -- using the PB furniture, accessories, and all. And her floral arrangements, etc that are so beautiful -- again, I have seen her copy many ideas from celebrity wedding designers. And yes, I know -- I'm sure many people have copied her ideas as well.
Everyone has different opinions -- to each their own -- but there are a lot of other chefs, bakers, designers, etc with a lot of talent -- Martha hasn't cornered the market on everything. Just my .02


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

I think Martha is the Madonna of home-ec': dubious talent but incredible business sense. Her best stuff, like Madonna, is borrowed.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

I don’t doubt she had a impact on the way people see food. I do not doubt she has a good business sense and built herself a little empire. But Wendy you have to admit that everything she does is for her benefit and enjoyment. Martha wants to learn this and that so she gets the people who will teach her. Watch Martha getting her boat build etc. Plus she is so insecure and need constant reassurance. Don’t you like mind kids? These are my own eggs you know don’t they have a lovely colour? I could go and on.

Her little empire is built, if you ask me, on quicksand. Yes she went public a while back and sold lots of shares. I will never be one of her shareholder and here is why. Martha is what between 55 and 60? I don’t wish her ill but what would happen if she was to die or have a stroke tomorrow? Her whole empire is based on her and her image. There is no one who can take her place at a moment notice. No successor for now anyway. Her magazine could continue to be publish and it could still be successful but her TV show, radio show and newspaper column would be compromise. The price of her share would drop so fast.


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Iza, you might be right but the complete opposite is also just as likely to happen: suddently Martha-this-and-that becomes even more valuable because she's no longer around and no one can criticize a dead woman's work anymore. The Magazine Martha Stewart Living will probably have to chage its name to plain old Martha Stewart to not sound like a distasteful joke, but it will continue to be produced. The magazine doesn't need her to exist, in fact I don't think it has ever really needed her. Who knows what shape her empire will take when she's gone? You raise an interesting topic however, one which I admit I hadn't considered until now...


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

I don’t doubt the magazine would stay on, as I stated in my previous post. The problem is the TV show and radio. I’m sure she’s not the one doing the bulk of the work but it’s her the viewer sees. But then maybe I’ve been wrong all along. I see things clearer now…


Imagine she goes missing they could always change the title to Where Is Martha Stewart Living. Do a kind of Where’s Waldo for grown up. 


If she should die, she would corner a whole new market. Death by Martha Stewart. And why not she has cornered wedding and babies. Dying is clearly the next step. How to make a wreath for a coffin, what to serve and what to wear. Possibilities are endless. 


With all the psychics that are surrounding us, she could run her empire from the other side. Imagine, how to make your stay in **** more comfortable. How I redecorated Heaven.


And she will be eternal and her empire will be safe. With our luck she’d find a way to reincarnate herself in just a few years. And then what? A new line of Martha’s clones? We could each own a Martha.

Scary!


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!


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## momoreg (Mar 4, 2000)

Iza, maybe you can market these ideas to Martha herself!!

Anneke, dig that first smiley!!


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

Iza ~ I have to say your post was hilarious!!!!


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Everyone realizes Martha isn't personally doing much of anything we read in her magazine or the craft she's making on tv, no shes running a business. She's created a brand, her name. 

Look at all the famous fashion designers out there....many of their houses continue after the creater passes on and the name remains. Don't forget she has a daughter whom she features occasional decorating or recipes ideas from. Maybe she'll continue the empire? And if she does will you blame her?

As a former professional artist and a very creative person, I know that very little is orginial. Ideas come from others ideas...that's how creativity works. You see something you expound on that thought into your thought, then the next guy looks at your stuff and he reacts off of that, and so on. Look in your museums theres "movements/periods". Who created and patented impressionism, modern art, etc... so no other artist could work in that style? No one, you can't stop an idea or a style.

Look at the cover of O magazine, Rosie and Simple....there all knock offs of Martha.

Is she perfect, no. Is everyone else perfect, no. 

Is there a real reason you knock her work? Is she really so different than a ton of other successful businesses before her?


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Have you ever been into one of the restaurant that advertise Chinese & Italian food? You know the saying they can’t be good at everything. It’s that way with Martha; she can’t be good at everything. I don’t denied she built a great business and that she is very successful. Does that mean I can’t make fun of her once in a while? I do watch her TV show on occasion and even buy her magazine in December. I do think she has a tendency to go overboard once in a while. She’s wearing herself thin. Martha online, at Kmart, in newspaper, magazine television, radio, even sells flower now. Because she has done it all, does it mean that we can not make fun of her? Let the one who has never made fun of her cast the first stone….please do apply 14 karat gold leaf before casting it. 

I did not mean for anyone to feel offended by my post Wendy. I am sorry if you were.


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

Wendy ~
My post started out as a vent about one of Martha's recipes that was a flop, not about Martha herself. But the thread did take a most amusing turn towards Martha herself. We were just having fun.
I know ideas come about from borrowing and building upon others' ideas -- I don't have to have that explained to me. My complaint is that Martha acts like they are her original ideas. It is almost comical to me. 
Why make fun of her? Let's see -- she has absolutely no sense of humor. She is almost always deadpan. It is amazing that she has been able to market herself.
I'm not saying that some of her magazines and shows don't have good ideas. Sometimes they have some great ideas. I just don't think she is the end-all be-all of everything.


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## kylew (Aug 14, 2000)




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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

MaryeO,

Funny you should say that, because I just took my beautiful dovecote in to be dry-cleaned, because I poolishly spilled Pet Milk all over it!









[ August 02, 2001: Message edited by: Kimmie ]


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

Silly goose? Nah, I'm such an







!










[ August 02, 2001: Message edited by: Kimmie ]


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

It's the bash Martha forum!!!

﻿Martha Stewart vs real life

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. 
My way: Just **** the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time. 
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.

Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. 
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. 
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?

Martha's way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing. 
My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box springs.

Martha's way #6: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop. 
My way: Eat at Chili's every night and avoid cooking.

Martha's way #7: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains. 
My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.

Martha's way #8: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake. 
My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #9: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up." 
My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too **** bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #10: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. 
My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #11: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. 
My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don't do it.

Martha's way #12: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it. 
My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?

Martha's way #13: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness. 
My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.

Martha's way #14: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away. 
My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it wasn't fresh.

Martha's way #15: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. 
My way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your
forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind.

Martha's way #16: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. 
My way: Leftover wine?

Martha's way #17: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy. 
My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

Martha's way #18: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water. 
My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the anti-bacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.

Martha's way #19: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. * Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china. * Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. * Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes. * Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if
necessary). 
My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

My god what have I done! I've created a monster.









Nancy I am ashame of you!


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Woooooo nancya, now that's giving her **** in a way I can totally agree with. Good rock solid points NO one can dispute. My hats off!

I have the feeling you have more and are being shy????????


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

Sorry, not original thoughts on my part. This was sent to me by a friend a while ago.

I do have a quite funny one on Martha NOT coming to Thanksgiving dinner, however.


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

Lets's have it, Nancya.


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## fontzmark (Aug 13, 2000)

Kyle,
I agree...that was good!
How are the boys?


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## kylew (Aug 14, 2000)

The boys are well. I posted their lastest progeny on Monday. I have one from this morning I will post tonight along with pictures of Mary Agnes.


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## isaac (Jun 9, 2001)

nancya... hats off to you. those were very funny indeed.


about martha "borrowing" recipes from other people: we all do that in one way or another. no one is going to reinvent the wheel. everything has been done by someone sometime ago.


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

Again, as I stated in an earlier post -- I know ideas are borrowed from other people. I said my complaint was that Martha acts like they are her own ideas -- like they are her little brainchild. Example -- she was doing a show on that dirtcake -- you know for kids -- the chocolate pudding, crushed oreos, and worms on top. I have seen it a million times. On the show, she was talking like she and her food staff had made the idea up. It was just too ridiculous. There is a difference between being infuluenced by someone's work, and just plain taking credit for an idea. Ya know?? 
Another example is how she started arranging fruit and flowers together. This has been done forever. Again, she was talking like she had *invented* this idea. It is one thing if she just takes ideas here and there and uses them, it is another to take credit for ideas that have been around forever. That is my complaint -- not that she is influenced by the work of others (I know we all are influenced by the work of others). 
Whew!


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Yes Nancy don't stop now! I nver heard the Thanksgiving story. I know of a Chrsitmas story: Why I want to slap Martha. I didn't write it.


Dear Santa,

I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.

I want to slap Martha Stewart.

Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it.

Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living. We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner.

We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety.

We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it.

OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last week's USA Weekend. I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego.

We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, "I don't have a microwave."

The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow, noted that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either." Well lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa!

That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha. What next? The coffee maker?

In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that qualifies as "put away" in my house!

Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. "Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts. Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with such frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue.

She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s," and says her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel." I have one piece of advice, Martha: "Get new friends."

Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet bowl sanitation.

Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Theresa, Madeline Albright and Maya Angelou, no doubt).

The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone." I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.

A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to rollerblade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast. This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to rollerblade. What a show off.

If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price friendship, right?

When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, "Don't envy me. I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers. You should listen to them." Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back.

"Being an overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower your standards," says Martha. And of her Web Page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an "important presence" as she graciously helps people organize their sad, tacky little lives.

There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year. You probably want to smack her yourself


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

Oh, my, Iza...if nothing else, Poor Martha has inspired a tremendous number of parodies. Okay, the Thanksgiving story [also not an original]:

﻿A Change in Plans

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance,
so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small
changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it
was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have
the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal
goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since
this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the
Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead,
we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration handcrafted from the finest
construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you with you wait. I'm
sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding
Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these
comments were made at 5:00 AM upon discovering that the turkey was still hard
enough to cut diamonds. As an accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a
recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording
of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a
clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. 
In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a
formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the
table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a
separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a
crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety
reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do
not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small,
unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is
unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12
different scrumptious deserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished
with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave
it.

Martha Steward will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come
next year either.

I am thankful.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

What is they say Nancy? Talk about me in good or bad terms but talk about me? Must be true for Martha.

I love your Thanksgiving story!

[ August 03, 2001: Message edited by: Iza ]


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## angrychef (Jan 15, 2001)

Love everyone's stories! 
I have tried a couple of recipes at her website and 4 out of five have been horrible. I've learned to take note of her people's ideas and decorating techniques and leave the recipes behind.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

In all fairness to Martha, I should say that her hors d'oeuvres book is very good.


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## svadhisthana (May 6, 2001)

I've never tried any recipes from her website, but all of the ones I've used from the magazine turn out nicely. Could they be editing the recipes ingredients/instructions for space constraints?


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Her website has all her recipes from her more current baking book. Plus many from the magazine although certainly not all of them and they aren't edited at all for space from what I can tell. I don't recognize any from her earilier work (like from Entertaining or quick cook) which I agree were qustionable at times. She credits recipes from contests she's held and from freinds (personal and professional) and many of those are nice.


I'm just so curious which recipes you all are using that were bombs? I can only think of a couple that I've tried that weren't great...but certainly less then from other sources.

I'd love to talk specific recipes if anyone is interested?? We might be able to save time experimenting or we might see a pattern of which recipes seem to work or not...

I swear to you all I've used ones from her that turned out great! I can think of a couple examples where I added some extract or baked at a different temp. then written (but only obvious changes anyone might have made)....I've made alot of her cookies, frozen items, frostings, fillings, techniques...not as many cakes, are her cakes what are failing for you?

I'd love to hear which recipes failed for you and I'd be happy to tell you which ones worked for me, if anyone is interested?


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## svadhisthana (May 6, 2001)

DeBord,
I think that is a wonderful idea!


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

I have Pies and Tarts from Martha and made several things from the book. I must admit that *nothing bombed!*

I also tried some of her cookies and a few other things from her website and all worked very nicely.

Her latest hors d'oeuvres book is a gem.

Seems to me, even if most dislike her style, a great deal of her recipes work!


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Good idea Wendy! I'll stick to cookie recipes for today, it's all I can remember doing from her show.

One of her recipe that I did not like was the chocolate cookie recipe who won her cookie contest. It seemed like a dried brownie to me. 

On the other hand, I love her crackle chocolate cookie is great but that was from her tv show. It's now part of my classic cookie list. 

I’m not crazy about her sugar cookie. It tastes better when made with brown sugar.

The pistachio shortbread. It cooked all right but it is such a greasy dough. If I ever make it again, I'll reduce the amount of butter.

Voilà, for now anyway.


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Man I've posted twice on this topic today and neither went through. Let's see again......


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

As a matter of interest, I collect 19th century household books. I wonder what people will think of poor Martha's tips in a hundred years?

From the Physician in the Home:

"To remove Proud Flesh - pulverise loaf sugar very fine and apply it to the part afflicted."

"To prevent choking - break an egg in a cup and give it to the person to swallow. The white of the egg seems to catch around the obstacle and remove it."

Or for helpful decorating tips, remember:

"No material is too common to be a medium for ornamentation. ...Pincushions, to be hung on gentlemen's looking-glasses, are made of swan-skin in the shape of a rabbit and well stuffed."

Or for self care, how about shampoo made of olive oil, spirits of ammonia, alcohol and "soft water?"

And Martha doesn't even have to try to figure out what a "fast oven" is.


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

O.k. I'll try again.......

Just cookie recipes that I've tried and thought were pretty good:

1. Her 3 Macaroon recipes. I use regular coconut since I don't have a source for unsweetened. People go crazy for the chocolate chip coconut macaroons. 
2. Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk. Excellent!
3. Ornamental Gingerbread. It's very edible and the perfect dough. I use it for all my houses and I do over 50 a year.
4. Cookie-press dough. I do add almond or lemon emlusion to her recipe. 
5. Shortbread wedges. From her baking book, they taste best after they age a couple days.
6. Oatmeal crisps. From her baking book.
7. Her checkerboard cookies are nicer than anyone elses for that genra. I add almond extract to it.
8. Pistachio shortbreads. Hum, I liked them, but they weren't a huge seller.
9. Meringue bones. From her Halloween sweet table. What a brilliant way to use meringue!!!
10. Chocolate kisses.


I would agree that her lime sables were horrible, way to tart! I also didn't like her mocha shortbread from her baking book, which was very bitter.

Anyone else have any cookie recipes they've made from her before we go on to other items?


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## bakerbebe (Sep 13, 2000)

W. DeBord

Thanks for sharing the recipes that have worked for you. Now, I have to admit that I do have a recipe for Scottish Shortbread from Martha (You divide it into 3 parts and add orange to one, chocolate chips to another, etc) and bake it in 3 9" pans. That recipe did turn out great. 
Thanks for the tip about the Lime Sables -- I did want to try that one a while ago. The disappointing this is -- they always look so good in the pictures. 
That is what I love about the epicurious site -- you can real all of the reviews before you make something!


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

Oh wow, MaryeO! I'm going to have to try that with my depressed clients! Never know which of those old methods might work!


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Didn't Saturday Night Live do a parady on her?

I've worked thru alot of her recipes in her dessert book here are my picks (I made many of them regualars for me, they all worked great):

1234 lemon cake, the curd is terrific and my favorite!
Warm Chocolate cakes worked quite well.Although it's for home cooks not to be mass produced.
Chocolate-Almond torte, great, simple...
Pear upside down cake, too strong, pass.
Applesauce cake, Amish do this better.
Cranberry up-side down cake, good but tart.
Cafe' gelatin, so-so.
Buttermilk panna cotta, excellent, very light.
Summer pudding, good.
Pumpkin flan, excellent.
Chocolate macadamia tart, so so.
Plum Tart, excellent!
Mini Lemon-meringue pie, very good.
Deepest-dish apple pie, pretty good.
Chocolate pecan pie, good but not great.
Roasted S.b. Napoleon, Excellent techinque with the puff pastry! Pastry cream horrible!
Carmelized-peach melba, good.
Frozen Tiramisu, great, I used vanilla and one coffee ice cream!
Mint c.c. cake, excellent.
Almond crunch cake, excellent, excellent technique with the sugared almonds!!!!
Pear sorbet, great.
Semifreddo al caffe', MOST EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!My favorite pick from that book.

From what to have for dinner, book:

Mango with warm pinappple ginger sauce, excellent!
Summer berry gratin, OUTSTANDING!!!!
Sangria Soup, excellent!
Peach Shortcakes, terrific.
Berry fool, quick and good.
Bananas in brown sugar, a classic always.
Pineapple in brown sugar, also good.


Have any of you worked any other recipes from these books? What did you like and what bombed?


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

My favourite dessert is almond tarte, Add some pears and I am in heaven. When I read your post Wendy I must say the almond & chocolate tarte intrigued me. If you have the time would you mind sharing that recipe?

Thanks!


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## kokopuffs (Aug 4, 2000)

Who forces all of you to gorge on M.S.? I guess I'm glad that I never watched her.


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## kylew (Aug 14, 2000)

Saturday Night live brought us -

"Martha Stewart's Topless Christmas"

Martha was the only one topless. I twas very funny


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

I've only seen a few shows (she's on when I'm at work), but perhaps that's why I still like her work (I don't see her, I read her stuff). But she makes a great subject for parody, I've seen a couple funny skits on her...

When you have to make as many different items and constant sweet tables as I do (soon to be, did), you'd be suprised the volume of recipes you can go thru.

Choc. Almond Torte (it's not a tart): Kind of a cross between a brownie and a flourless chocolate torte in texture...

1 c. butter
8 oz. semi sweet chopped

Melt together over double boiler.

5 yolks
1/4 c. br. sugar
3/4 c. sugar 
1 tsp. vanilla

Whip together till light. Then fold in melted chocolate mixture.

1/4 c. ground almonds
1/2 c. cake flour

fold in to chocolate & egg mixture.

5 whites whipped with a pinch of tartar. When full fold into above mixture.

Pour into a 8" (I use a 9") springform that's buttered and lined with buttered parchment. Bake in a 375 oven aprox. 50 min., take it out while there's still some crumbs clinging.

I add a tbsp. of almond emulsion to the cake. The recipe has a chocolate glaze to finish it, but I frost it with ganche sometimes with a splash of amaretto in it. Oh, decorate it upside down for a neat apearance.

P.S. From her Pies and Tarts book the pear tart with almonds is pretty good too. I use almond flour for a better texture, a splash of almond extract and top the tart with sliced almonds before baking. Serve it with cream anglaise, UMM...


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Oh, just in case I haven't over dosed you enough...I forgot she had a much better pear tart recipe in her magazine in the fold out area. It was called "thin pear tart". It had a paper thin crust, I spread it with almond paste mixed with vanilla cream (for danish) (her recipe didn't include this step), then thin slices of fresh pears soaked in amaretto. Dust the top with cinnamon sugar baked....and it's wonderful!


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

You're right Wendy. 

The reason why I haven't OD'd on her is probably 'cause I don't watch her on TV either. And I purchase about 3 of her magazines a year; and that's a real maximum!

Thanks for perfecting the pear tart recipe...


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Thanks for the recipe Wendy. In my head I had envisioned an almond tart with chocolate incorporated in it. Your torte does look interesting I will give it a try.

I do recall a very thin lemon tart in one of her Christmas issue but I am not familiar with her thin pear tart, in which issue is it?

I must confessed, I am a magazine junkie. I do control myself fairly well except in December which is magazine heaven for me. It's then that I buy, among many other, Martha's magazine…


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Boy, I can't remember when it was in the magazine. I've been using it for about a 1 1/2 years now. 

I also buy alot of December issues. Every year I get sucked into the "christmas cookie" issues thinking I'll find something new to add to my list of regulars. But honestly I've only found a couple over the last few years that were worth adding. Its totally the same recipes over and over. I think that's Good Housekeeping who publishes a couple of cookies magazines, wish someone would tell them it's time for something new.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

I agree with you Wendy, Christmas issue are not what they use to be. I remember one year Gourmet had this whole section on home made chocolate. What a great issue that was. it's been downhill ever since.


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Talk about when recipes bomb, I've had some really bad ones from Good Housekeepings cookie issues! DRY and TASTELESS....and they use one recipe throughout the whole magazine then roll it or shape it twenty ways and no one will notice...........? Then I continued buying it for the decorating ideas, but they dryed up too. I think all the stylists are working for Martha, ha!

I can't say that I've had much luck with Betty Crockers' newer books either. I have a couple of them but I've only hit a few that were repeatable and just passing....

Then I have several cookbooks from Maida Heatters but I haven't found one recipe from her that's become a regular for me. She lures me in, then every time I open one of her books I think "o.k. this one is going to be great" but then it's like a joke I don't get....or a big tease, I'm waiting for my pay off for buying so many of her books.


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## katherine (Aug 12, 2000)

Nobody in television memorizes their info. They read from teleprompters.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

One of the best way to gather new ideas is to have a contest and/or a website. Add a note that everything you enter on the said website and/or contest becomes your propriety and you've got an endless supply of ideas and recipes.


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## m brown (May 29, 1999)

i am rotflmao!!!!!!!!!

this is a great discussion~

my mother tested sweet potatoe chips in her temp basment apartment for martha. martha is everyman, meaning she has everyone do the work and she reports on it. 

big smiles, wish i had her drive!


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

At least Martha has a sense of humor about all of this. Saw one of her specials where she did a parody of herself with the comic from SNL who parodies her.

My friend hates Martha because she doesn't clean up her own dog poop. Friend says that if you are going to have a dog, you should clean up your dog's poop yourself. Odd argument, but dear friend.

Another friend complains that you never hear about any Martha Stewart charities. So I have been paying attention, and it's true I haven't heard of any. Does anyone else know of any?


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## amira (Mar 11, 2001)

nancya,
i don't know who the **** is martha but you- you made me laugh!!! thanks.


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Oh my Gosh, are you kidding, MARTHA STEWART! I see your posting from Israel, keep quite unless you want your country over run by fleaing housewifes from the States.

Martha Stewart.....she makes many housewives cringe in anger. She has a t.v. show, magazine, catalog, radio spots, makes guest appearances everywhere, endorsments with other companies....her company just went public on the stock market. She's everywhere we look in the US, all over the media and product lines in stores. Looking down her nose (some people percieve) telling women how to make everything better (from scratch). You have to look at her web site, Martha Stewart.com (actually you might fall in love with it, I have) she makes everything and sells you everything to make everything.  

Your either a "Martha want to be" or a "Martha basher" depending on how you percieve her attitute.


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## amira (Mar 11, 2001)

hi,
thank you for enlightening my eyes...from what i read here it seems that the lady does give recipes but how should i say - recipes that if u try them u don't success-so i say don't give unless they are really the correct ones. if there is something that i hate is getting -should i put it this way-an "uncomplete recipe" that goes directly to the garbage.if u don't want to give a recipe-fine! but if u give - give it rightly!
wooowww... hope u got the point.. sorry for the poor spelling.. let see u write in hebrew...


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## nick.shu (Jul 18, 2000)

wow, martha sounds cool, just the person i need to talk to,how do i contact her?.

I want to make a cyborg using:
a large plastic garbage bin
a box of old broken prosthetic limbs
a roll of caterers aluminium foil
and a visit to radio shack

and is this possible?


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

Hi Nick.Shu,

Your interest in Martha is laudable!

You can reach Martha with a specific question at:

[email protected]

If she can make water and dirt, I don't see why she couldn't make a cyborg easily!!! Let's face it, she probably has all the proper tools and parts to sell you for your project. And everything will be delivered right to your door! 

[ September 05, 2001: Message edited by: Kimmie ]


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

Ooooooooh! Kimmie! You are a HOOT!!!

I didn't know that old Martha could make water and dirt. My respect for her has increased immeasureably.

By the way, Amira...I wouldn't have a prayer of writing in Hebrew. Your English looks good to me!


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

Yep. A few years ago, I received a book spoofing Martha, that ressembled her magazine. Actually, "spoof" is much too gentle a word, it was rather a relatively mean spirited attack!


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

Kimmie, would that be one of these? Available for practically nothing at Amazon.com for those who can't stop bashing poor old Martha.
























I have never seen one of these in person, are they really mean-spirited?


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

Yes Nancya, the one on the left!!

Do you have that book?


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## nancya (Apr 30, 2001)

No, Kimmie, I've never actually seen one in person. I think it is a bit of a shame if they are really mean-spirited though. Poor Martha may leave herself open for bashing, but we have to agree with some of what Wendy and all said earlier, she has her good points too.

Though, I still say it takes her $600 and half the equipment in her kitchen to make a cup of tea.


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

I hope that is for _High Tea!!_!

I wouldn't worry about Martha, she can stand up for herself.

For excerpts and customer reviews:

Martha Stuart's Excruciatingly Perfect Weddings
Martha Stuart's Better Than You at Entertaining/Parody
Is Martha Stuart Living? : A Parody

[ September 05, 2001: Message edited by: Kimmie ]


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## kimmie (Mar 13, 2001)

What's new from marthabymail!

Dust bunnies for $1.99/pair, plus tax, shipping and handling. Signature gift wrapping not available for these items.

 

[ September 05, 2001: Message edited by: Kimmie ]


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## w.debord (Mar 6, 2001)

Wonder if Martha collects her own memorbelia, you could pass on those books to her? When she can't sleep at night does she look at other food related web sites for ideas? Anyone here named Martha? 

Why not, I understand she only needs 5 hours of sleep each night.... that gives her plenty of time to visit us.........wouldn't that be a hoot?


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