# In a real tough bind



## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

Sorry but this is going to be long...

My mother has a boyfriend of almost 20years, hes been living with us for at least 14 of those years. He has major financial issues so mom decided to help him out by co-signing some of those major debts. Thats all I knew about him up to 10 years ago. He was into substance abuse, hes totally paranoid and adding fuel to the fire, hes very insecure. Its been a total nighmare lasting more then 10 years now with him in the house and we've kicked him out 2x before. He has accused my mother of having affairs left and right including with a gay guy (ya go figure!?!?). He has problems sleeping and intentionally keeps us all up. He lies almost about everything so often that he even believes in his is BS! 

OK, I'll stop here and tell you people now that kicking him out isn't as easy as it sounds. B/C now now only are those debts still unpaid for, there are a lot of new ones under both their names. We know now that he isn't responsible enough to pay them off on time so that leaves it to the bank bugging my mother and if he leaves, they're considered common-law now so he technically can claim half the house.

Hes lived here rent free and free of any responsibility to the house (basically a leech). I'm usually very patient and have total control over my emotions, espeically my darker side but over the past few years and especially for past week, I've totally lost myself and very nearly knocked the living lights out of him and nobody, not even his own kids (now full adults with kids of their own) were suprised. They fully support my mother. What sparked this, he assaulted and threatened my mother and the only thing that held me back was my mother...don't ask me why!

I really don't know what to do b/c the reprocautions of my mother getting involved with this guy is going to haunt us all the way to the grave.


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## kuan (Jun 11, 2001)

Don't get into any fistfights with him. The next time he does anything semi threatening, call the police. It'll probably play in your favor if she decides to kick him out. Get some legal counsel.


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## phoebe (Jul 3, 2002)

Absolutely. Calling the police will start a paper trail you may well need later. And definitely get that legal advice.

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you and your family have had to endure this. Just stay strong and resist all urges to deck the guy.


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## mezzaluna (Aug 29, 2000)

With the greatest respect, I hope your mom gets help to avoid attaching herself to abusive individuals in ythe future like this one. Counseling can help her expose patterns that cause her to seek connections such as this- in spite of her desire for a loving relationship. I stress these choices are not her _fault_- but she owes it to herself and her family to find a good and caring person she truly deserves.


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## chrose (Nov 20, 2000)

HC,
Mezz is right and as well what Emily said Having the law and the lawyers is what you need on your side to get things taken care of properly. It's a long swim back to shore from the middle of the ocean, but it can be done. Best of luck to all of you.


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## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

I took karate for 12 straight years and I've prided myself for never ever lossing my cool. He is the only person I've ever lost myself to and to me and all others who know me, that speaks loudly about him. 

On a good note though, the house will soon be under my name. I'm soon to sign the papers to have my name on the deed to the house. Theres also some protocals in regards to his debt as well. He still owes roughly $75K to various financial institutions but with my mother's help, they're all consolidated into 1 large debt and money from his paycheck is automatically deducted by the bank to pay the debts. 

As for the problem himself, his threats are usually full of BS...basically just blowing smoke. However he has never assaulted my mother in this manner before so I took no chance today. I took today off (@ work, they know the situation so without hesitation, I got today off) so I could be here to make sure he didn't get out of line. Plus I took his threat seriously and wound up not sleeping armed with my tonfa (non-lethal karate weapon) incase he tried to do good on his threat. 

My mother dosn't have a history of choosing abusive men, hes in fact was the only man since my father died and none of us knew about his darker history...hes a smooth talker and a con artist IMO.


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## panini (Jul 28, 2001)

HC,
assalt is assalt. You need to get a police report. I don't know of any cases like this that don't escalate. Just letting him be around your mom is enabling him. Go right to the Magistrate and get a restraining order. You guys better not be kidding yourselves. This situation is not going to go away. Get him out of your house immediately. There are no second chances when it comes to family. If you are into martial atrs then practice your virtues. You have praticed patience, be honest with him and your mom, the humility of having to sleep scared should be enough to sincerely get him OUT!
pan


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## dmt (Jul 28, 2006)

Also you might wish to see if there are any liens placed against the property, that you might be saddled with in the end...
This whole thing sounds uncomfortable...


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