# Walked out of a kitchen because of bullying



## chrisbristol (Feb 16, 2014)

I currently work for a catering recruitment agency. Today I walked out of a kitchen due to bullying. I could handle it if it was just chefs being  abrupt during service but this was all buffet service and it was happening when there was no pressure on. Basically they were trying to humiliate me in front of people, they were picking out every single mistake I made. This wasn't normal banter it was deliberate bullying and I just cracked. I have a meeting with my agency tomorrow to write  a statement about it. They seem to be on my side which is good.


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## chris bruce (Jul 5, 2014)

Well sorry to hear, but maybe a kitchen isn't the right place for you when you said "they were picking out every single mistake I made." Well point in case you were making mistakes.

I guess my advise would be suck it up buttercup, your in a kitchen get it right. if you mess up just shut up take it and listen and learn.

Good luck with your search.


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## chrisbristol (Feb 16, 2014)

Pointing out mistakes is one thing. But tying to humiliate someone in front of everybody is completely different.


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## chris bruce (Jul 5, 2014)

If I can ask how long have you been  working in kitchens?


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## fablesable (Oct 11, 2014)

I applaud you @ChrisBristol for walking out and taking it to the agency. In the same position, I would do the same. Noone has to put up with BS from anyone. It's either a team environment or not. I would can anyones arse who thought they could humiliate anyone in my kitchen to the point of which you talk about. Good old fashion banter and teasing is par for the course in kitchens but bullying and being a certifiable arsehole is not.


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## chef0069 (Mar 24, 2014)

It's a different world today in kitchens, probably for the better, but it's tough, because in the old days, under stress, people would yell, curse at each other, just as an outlet, now you have to be so careful with every little thing you say. Companies and such are so worried about lawsuits, they will put up with very little of this type of monkey business. In the day, we would share a beer, talk it out, be glad we got through another night. Now, everyone's feelings are hurt.


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## chris bruce (Jul 5, 2014)

Yeah I'm with you Chef0069 what the hell happened I used to get yelled at crap thrown at me and called every name in the book in front of everyone. I guess this new Emo generation can't take the heat in the kitchen these days.


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## phaedrus (Dec 23, 2004)

By and large nowadays restaurants understand that the law applies to them, too; you don't automatically get an exception from employment regs and civil liability just because you serve food.


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## youngchefkarl (Dec 12, 2013)

I don't know why this guy posted this twice so I'll repeat what I said on the other thread:

You need to grow a pair if you want to make it in this industry. You have a meeting with an agency......really? Were you making mistakes? Do you think that guys that worked for people like Marco Pierre White walked out because of "bullying"? Obviously the cuisine isn't the same, but the concept is. If you really feel that it wasn't justified and he was mouthing you off for no reason you should have came back at him in some way professionally (in his office, etc) and if you would have gotten fired, then there's better people to work for. There are many chef's that are jerks for no reason. It's hard to say because I wasn't there. But I do know that you need to develop a thicker skin and you cannot walk out of a kitchen just because you cracked. Justified or not, that will hurt you in the long run. Good Luck.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Hi Chrisbristol....

Been there and done that. What a lot of the above posters don't understand about your post are the words_* "Catering recruitment agency". *_

In other words, you are a hired gun, a cook who's disposable as paper bag. I got an on-call gig in a hoity-toity G & C.C. for their bqt'ing dept. 0 and I mean "zero" introduction to the kitchen or even where the bqt function clip boards were kept (locked up in the Chef's office) No one gives a rat's turd about you because you are disposable, and no wants to take any time to explain things to you (ie the 80 qt steam kettle takes an hour to get up to speed...) because they know that tomorrow or the next day you won't be there and someone else will be standing there, slowly figuring it out in the walk-in that the d/washer is militantly gay and jealous that you are a cook and not him.

You did right, you complain to the recruitment agency. They quickly figure out no one wants to work at that place, so they'll either drop that client or up the wages dramatically. And if a restaurant can't find/hire kitchen staff in without a recruitment agency, you know that that kitchen has some serious problems.


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## chef0069 (Mar 24, 2014)

I see what you are saying, but on the other hand, all the more reason to not give a hoot what some jerkoff is saying. Do your job, blow them away, be better than them, leave smiling, best revenge.

Have not always been able to do it myself, but try to.


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## chefross (May 5, 2010)

Ah yes.......the recruitment agencies.

As a cook in a restaurant kitchen, sometimes we develop a sense of entitlement and ego. 

Now in walks this rent-a-cook.

What a great chance to show off by belittling this guy, only to make me feel better about myself.

Even if the rent-a-cook were a culinary professional, they would still be picked on.

Human nature.......but...imature


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

There's a difference between stressed out and abusive; i've worked some very busy lines very well & didn't ever feel the need to belittle anyone. And I think Marco Pierre White did quit la gavroche because of bullying.
Stop giving people excuses to be a bad people by saying, "its the business."


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## allanmcpherson (Apr 5, 2007)

As much as I love MPW, I really don't think he is the ideal of Best Practices. If you can give him a pass on his workplace behavior because he was successful, would you extend that to the way he treated people I his personal life. In other words, I love to read about him in the 80s but I wouldn't want to hang around him in that time frame.


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## youngchefkarl (Dec 12, 2013)

The point is you that don't walk out of a restaurant and go to an agency because of "bullying". You talk to the chef in private and if you still want to quit because he's a jerk, fine, give your notice and move on. Yes MPW left Gavroche, but he moved on with his life and he was successful. It wasn't the best example because of how long ago that was, but that was the point. Instead of wasting your time with an agency, find another job and move on.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Exactly!

The o.p. didn't walk out on his employer--the recruitment agency, and he went straight to his boss--again the agency-- to lodge a complaint.  He did it right.

Guns for hire/rent-a-cooks are not part of the team, they are 3rd party.  It IS inexcusable to walk out on your team members, but if you're not part of the team, that rule doesn't apply.

make sense?


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## meezenplaz (Jan 31, 2012)

This is an example of utilizing human psychology. In order to do that one must first determine the 

reason for the .....let's say unproductive attitides on the part of the incumbent cooks. My guess here

would be along Foodpump's line of thinking, that these guys are resentful of the Temp being 

there in the first place. And the reason for "pointing out every mistake" (even though not sensible   

for someone who just arrived) is just due to lack of creativity to come up with something more logical

to gripe about. 

That said, I think the wiser course of action would be to continuously tell these guys, "Look, I'm here 

because your management feels you need help. So you guys can either let me help take some of the

crap off your shoulders, or throw it back in managements face. Up to you, just let me know now, 

so I can go somewhere I'm needed and appreciated." 

If that fails, THEN you tell Agency what happened and what YOU said, which paints you in a much more

professional light, and those guys in an immature one.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

Meezenplaz said:


> That said, I think the wiser course of action would be to continuously tell these guys, "Look, I'm here
> because your management feels you need help. So you guys can either let me help take some of the
> 
> crap off your shoulders, or throw it back in managements face. Up to you, just let me know now,
> ...


This. Ditto. Well put and thought out. Excellent advice.


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## chefedb (Apr 3, 2010)

It's not the heat in the kitchen It is called mutual respect. Clearly the people who initiate this type of action have a problem. Either it's ego driven or just plain nastiness it should not be tolerated in todays day and age. There are a lot of good suggestions above to use.


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## youngchefkarl (Dec 12, 2013)

foodpump said:


> Exactly!
> 
> The o.p. didn't walk out on his employer--the recruitment agency, and he went straight to his boss--again the agency-- to lodge a complaint. He did it right.
> 
> ...


Fair enough, I see your point. I guess I didn't realize that he wasn't a team member, but I still would have talked to the guy one on one first, to each their own.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Meezenplaz said:


> This is an example of utilizing human psychology. In order to do that one must first determine the
> 
> reason for the .....let's say unproductive attitides on the part of the incumbent cooks. My guess here
> 
> ...


Well, yeah, that usually works in about 75% of the cases, but it didn't apply to the G & C.C. that I temped at. That one had some, uh.. shall we say, Union difficulties? Scuttlebutt was that if the kitchen exceeded X employees--regardless of f/t or p/t status, a Union could be formed. Hence the decision by mngmt to hire 3rd party cooks to take up the slack. I could have been a supermodel in a bikini and the brigade would still have given me a hard time. Reasoning with them didn't work.

Every kitchen has unique dynamics.....


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## chefmannydlm (Jun 22, 2013)

youngchefkarl said:


> Fair enough, I see your point. I guess I didn't realize that he wasn't a team member, but I still would have talked to the guy one on one first, to each their own.


There you go. You should not expect to get respect without giving it first. The kitchen should always be a team. Otherwise it all breaks down. I have always had the personal philosophy that I would never work for someone that screamed and yelled at me or disrespected me. There are plenty of jobs out there so no one should ever have to put up with that crap.


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## chefross (May 5, 2010)

Meezenplaz said:


> This is an example of utilizing human psychology. In order to do that one must first determine the
> 
> reason for the .....let's say unproductive attitides on the part of the incumbent cooks. My guess here
> 
> ...


I offer that was what I was trying to point out but Meez said it much better. Thanks


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## meezenplaz (Jan 31, 2012)

Haha, thanks guys, score one for the monkey-boy. Every now and then I do get a brain-glimmer. /img/vbsmilies/smilies/smile.gif

_Foodpump_ good point, if there are unions or the like involved, it changes the whole dynamic of whats happening

here. In which case the existing workers are likely mad at management for circumventing what they feel is right,

by bringing in union exempt temps. If this is the case, their behavior to the OP is probably not personal....they

just see you as a pawn of the enemy, and they're coming up with reasons your existence is unnecessary.


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## pete (Oct 7, 2001)

Guess, I would still show that I'm the bigger person and finish my shift.  At that point I would notify both the chef and the agency that I would not be setting foot back in that kitchen ever again. By walking out it is much easier for the chef and the crew to view it as more of your problem ("they couldn't handle the stress,"  "they couldn't hang with the big dogs," etc.).  No matter how bad the place was, if you walk out, some of the fallout will come back on you.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

Pete said:


> Guess, I would still show that I'm the bigger person and finish my shift. At that point I would notify both the chef and the agency that I would not be setting foot back in that kitchen ever again. By walking out it is much easier for the chef and the crew to view it as more of your problem ("they couldn't handle the stress," "they couldn't hang with the big dogs," etc.). No matter how bad the place was, if you walk out, some of the fallout will come back on you.


Hear hear! The one time I got so mad that I quit in the middle of a shift, I did so by giving my two week notice effective immediately.


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## chrisbristol (Feb 16, 2014)

Not been on here for a few days.  There have been a mix of replies. I know there are some old school chefs here. One thing I would like to point out is that there is no evidence that workplace bullying is good for you and a load of evidence it's not. I know it was just the way it was years ago but that doesn't mean it is right.  I agree 100% there has to be discipling in kitchen's but there's a difference between discipling  and bullying.  Also I don't particularly care about Marco Pier white. I don't want to work at that kind of level.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

I kind of thought like you after culinary school.  When your are the boss you see things different.  If someone yells at you its because you are not doing something right or fast enough, its not for no reason.  Professional kitchens are a fine line between being civil and calm and say "  I CALLED THAT OUT TO YOU 20 MINUTES AGO! WHERE THE F#CK IS IT, I NEED IT NOW, THE WHOLE TABLE IS WAITING BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!  There is a captain and a first mate in a kitchen, if you are a line cook no matter your opinion theirs is right because they are your boss and worked to get there.  Eventually you will be that and you don't want some culinary student or extern questioning your decisions.  Its not a democracy.  Early in my career I worked for a Gordon Ramsey like screamer chef,  he was nuts but one of the best chefs I ever worked for.  He would scream at me and like 5 minutes later he would be talking to me like nothing happened.  After he knew I wasn't leaving and realized I was giving 100% he softened up.  Finally we became friends and explained to me that he was so passionate about the food it was like being a head couch of a football team.  He might rant and rave, yell and scream, occasionally throw a pot or pan but he just wanted to win and have the best restaurant.  It was like a light bulb going off, after that I was working with him not for him.  As for walking into a new kitchen, the new guy is always picked on, just be cool. work your ass of and don't be a pussy.  Sooner than later you won't be the new guy and you be in the click making fun of the new line cook that knows less than you.  Take it for what it is, not sure how old you are but the whole whiney I'm being bullied attitude doesn't and will never work in this industry dealing with a motely crew of guys.  Either toughen up or get out while you can.  Good luck


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

ChrisBristol said:


> Also I don't particularly care about Marco Pier white. I don't want to work at that kind of level.


Managerial style and cuisine level are neither directly proportionally nor inversely proportionally related at all. Top tier kitchens exist that are run by screamers. Top tier kitchens exist that are run in a zen like manner. The commonality between the two diverse styles that exist is that in both styles of working environment there is still an underlying current created by a sense of urgency. How that is expressed is through managerial style.

.

My suggestion would be to seek employment in kitchens with the managerial style that best mirrors your personality. Working for a catering recruitment agency is probably not your best employment option as you are bound to encounter both styles which will inevitably lead to a scenario similar to the movie Groundhog Day.

I can understand and relate to the feelings of stress, anxiety, and reaching your breaking point that can lead people to the action of walking out mid shift; however I personally will never fail to complete a shift as the guests seated in the dining room did not mistreat nor do anything to me to deserve such a disregard for their dining experience and disrespect from me as a professional that takes pride in his craft.


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## chrisbristol (Feb 16, 2014)

I'm only working for the agency because I am in between jobs. I do know it wasn't right thing to do however everyone has their limits and I was pushed to mine.  I was bullied in school which has perhaps made made me more sensitive to it however even if that were not the case I still was pushed to a level where I snapped.


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## lagom (Sep 5, 2012)

"Managerial style and cuisine level are neither directly proportionally nor inversely proportionally related at all. Top tier kitchens exist that are run by screamers. Top tier kitchens exist that are run in a zen like manner. The commonality between the two diverse styles that exist is that in both styles of working environment there is still an underlying current created by a sense of urgency. How that is expressed is through managerial style."
.
Agreed, being a great cook doesnt preclude you from being a jackass. 
I have worked for a mix in the past and have chossen to take a calm, reasonable path with my staff at all levels. Maybe Its just me but I find I get more done thru a sincer please and thankyou then I do with barking at people, and most of my staff stick around for years.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

> Agreed, being a great cook doesnt preclude you from being a jackass.
> I have worked for a mix in the past and have chossen to take a calm, reasonable path with my staff at all levels. Maybe Its just me but I find I get more done thru a sincer please and thankyou then I do with barking at people, and most of my staff stick around for years.


I tried being a jackass, it's too much work; although some will tell you I was a natural at it. : )


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## chefross (May 5, 2010)

cheflayne said:


> Managerial style and cuisine level are neither directly proportionally nor inversely proportionally related at all. Top tier kitchens exist that are run by screamers. Top tier kitchens exist that are run in a zen like manner. The commonality between the two diverse styles that exist is that in both styles of working environment there is still an underlying current created by a sense of urgency. How that is expressed is through managerial style.
> 
> .
> 
> ...


I like this explanation, but something like this is hard to discern during an interview.

Something like this, as an applicant would be best observed during an hour or so working in the kitchen during service.


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## Iceman (Jan 4, 2011)

_"Bullying"_ has never been any kind of good idea. Telling another worker to _"grow a pair"_ or any other such garbage is stupid too. In the past I was really fast to grab people that aggravated me and just simply punch them out. That is not a good idea either. The biggest percentage of us don't make enough $$$ from the kitchen to end up shortening our lives because of excess tension and/or stress.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

IceMan said:


> _"Bullying"_ has never been any kind of good idea. Telling another worker to _"grow a pair"_ or any other such garbage is stupid too. In the past I was really fast to grab people that aggravated me and just simply punch them out. That is not a good idea either. The biggest percentage of us don't make enough $$$ from the kitchen to end up shortening our lives because of excess tension and/or stress.


LOL. Pretty much sums up my thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

The last line reminds me of the tale of the three blind men and their first encounter with an elephant, except in this case you have the agency hired help, the kitchen help, and the electronic participants.

The word "bullying" is bandied about so much these days it is quickly becoming the new "passion". It is almost void and bereft of meaning and all about perception.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Gentlemen,

I think we need to keep things a little in context here. The O.P. didn't suffer a screamer Chef on the line, he was taunted by several employees while working in the dining room on a buffet line.  He was a "temp", a rent-a-cook, a gun for hire.

Who knows the reasons why a brigade would want a good pair of hands--taking off extra loads of work from them-- walk out on them.


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## notswedishchef (Oct 24, 2013)

Bullying and the chef doing his job of pointing out sub-standard product and making/ requiring corrective action are two different things.  I've ridden guys hard (like really hard) because they were too busy telling me about how good they were and their food was trash..so yes, I would step-in....expo and show you how to do your job (again) all the while informing you of how to do it and why I told you to do it that way......

I need to put your back against the wall and see how you react.....if you crumble.....you're not right for me.  I need smart, confident, moldable guys who believe in team-work and want to learn.  I expect daily improvement in terms of teamwork, cleanliness, prepardness.......

IT'S NEVER PERSONAL and never abusive...that's a difference....but yes, I know I've hurt peoples feelings.....giving you a performance review mid-service during 180 covers on a Saturday night, mid-push....is not my desired M.O. but if it has to happen.....

Leaving midshift.....never the right move....unless it's physical abuse.  This industry is small.....you never know where you'll bump into people again and the rep of walking out midshift is not the rep to have.  I'd rather be the kid who is remembered for weathering the storm and surviving......and if it's not the right fit....move on.....be the bigger person. 

Ask yourself if any of it was justified.  This industry is not known for efficient, calm communicators......learn from the situation and move on.....filing reports about it....not worth the time or paper.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Sigh.....In one ear and out the other........


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## notswedishchef (Oct 24, 2013)

Na, I hear what you're saying but I also think the context of who, what & why is never fully going to be known by us.  He asked for advice on a situation.....I wasn't there, all I can offer is advice from my times of being on both ends.


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

Sometimes it is personal, abusive, and oh so pointless. Seen it all. Some people are just dicks. Refer back to the original post; at no point does he say he was abused by someone in charge of him; "chefs" in England are all the cooks.
If you want to tell me you've never seea crew rag somebody until they quit, I just plain don't believe you


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