# Managing Anger in the Kitchen



## nicko (Oct 5, 2001)

ChefTalk has a rare opportunity to have Anger Management Specialist Lynette Hoy of www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com address specific issues chefs face when dealing with anger in the kitchen. Would you please take a moment to respond and let us know what anger issues you deal with in the kitchen that you would like to get more information on how to deal with professionally.

Thanks for your time.


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## rivitman (Jul 23, 2004)

I am not always able to maintain a cool head.

Negligence, lack of due dilligence, or concern, or failure to follow my instructions are triggers, but this usually only occurs in the heat of battle, when we are really up against a serious deadline. The rest of the time, I have to engage in a lot of prodding and prompting to get things done, and this distracting and repetitive necessity sets a bad omen for things to come. This constant correction especially on tasks where I instructed and mentord previously raises my blood pressure.

I never usually become angry with anyone who I estimate is doing the best they can. But absent that and it's drill sgt time. I speak very clearly, and my words are unmistakeable, and woe to those that disregard them.

My intention is never to harrass and intimidate, but I AM angry. When I bring in someone new, I explain this to them. We a different people when not under the gun. Some understand, some don't. I simply do not have time for the understanding and instructive approach; I need what I need, and NOW.

Few of my cooks and dishwashers, even after much prodding, can see the big picture of the production day, and instead want to zone out on thier own tasks. This is entirely unhelpful. My job is to bring all those pieces together, and absolute cooperation and total adherance to my wishes are required. I try to bring them in on it, explain things in detail, and it usually does little good.

I'm not going to say that yelling at the help is justified. It's that after all this time, when push comes to shove, it's the only way I know of to get people moving.


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## andrew563 (Oct 12, 2005)

My biggest anger point , when I ask, instruct, or tell someone to do something, and its not done. I feel my temper go from zero to a hundred and fifty in a matter of seconds. Example, the other night my sous and I were hammering it out on the line, the rest of the crew was prepping/dishing, I called for pasta to the line. They just stood there. I finally yelled"I need pasta to the line, NOW!!!" Then they moved. I wasn't feeling that they should jump because the "Chef" spoke. They should of jumped because we needed pasta to keep the tickets moving, which keeps the guests fed, which brings them back. There is times when I want to become the screaming, angry tyrant that I absolutely have hated to work for.


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## kuan (Jun 11, 2001)

Maybe Gordon Ramsay should spend a few weeks with Lynette. 

I got angry at waitstaff more than anything.


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## nicko (Oct 5, 2001)

Thanks for the feedback. I would really appreciate hearing from other chefs on this matter. Please take a moment and add your thoughts on this important matter.


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## ma facon (Dec 16, 2004)

I don't get mad, But I do get frustrated when front of the house staff asks the same questions over and over and they have worked there for years. They don't take the time to educate themselves. I always get the answer-It's not my job/responsability, Or similar excuse.


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## n00bchef (Apr 11, 2006)

Well, I am not a chef (yet) in a professional capacity, but I have on multiple occasions organized, setup and cooked for parties of people ranging from 5-60 guests...

When I am responsible for these, I go out of my way to make sure that the menu is well rounded, and that the quality and taste is superb... And making sure of this means doing it my way. 

Probably the only time I experience anger or frustration in these situations is when I catch someone doing "shortcuts" to get to the product finished "faster". (Things like using dashes of a spice as opposed to the measured amount, things like sauteing items well before they should be cooked, or just not following the exact directions in general.)

All of these situations happen during "show time" and in this time I cannot afford to back track and put the other 10 things I am doing at the same time on hold.

I hope that helps, I am probably not fully qualified to respond to this in terms of the "scope" of what you are adressing here... I look forward to seeing this develope.

-Jason


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## pete (Oct 7, 2001)

The biggest thing that ticks me off is stupidity! It is one thing to screw up because you didn't know better, it is a whole other thing to screw up because you weren't paying attention or just didn't care enough. Also cooks who don't care don't usually stay around too long. I don't have the time, or the patience to deal with someone who just doesn't care about the food. If you are just here to "make a buck" go find a factory job. I don't need you and chances are you will p*** me off in the worst way. I one time had a guy tell me I "needed to relax" as we were falling behind in plating a large wedding party. He didn't show up the next day, after my "little chat" with him.

I am a very hot headed person, by nature so sometimes it is difficult for me to not let my anger rule my actions. I think anger can be a very effective managment tool if it is not used overly often, but allow it to surface too often and it becomes ineffective, people just view you as a crazy, ill-tempered chef, but use it only once in awhile and you can very effectively get your point across.


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## crazytatt (Mar 5, 2006)

My life philosophy is: Avoid conflict, with calm, poise, and balance.

I try to keep it in mind ALL THE TIME! My only pet peve is throwing things in my kitchen. Iggnorance is also a blood preasure raiser...but I still maintain my cool. I can count on 1 hand the times I've gone off on someone in the kitchen.

I feel the best way to manage anger, is going in the walkin/freezer, and screaming your bloody head off!


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## blueschef (Jan 18, 2006)

I feel that part of anger management starts with the hiring/interviewing process. Kind of like preventive maintance. If you interview well, ask the right questions and provide a clear outline of what you expect from an employee (FOH and BOH). Furthermore, you have to use your judgement to gauge the potential employees motivation and dedication. 
BTW I agree with what has been writen here by the other chefs. Our job can be very frustrating and does require different types of emotions for different events and people.


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

I've got incredible front of the house coordinator that knows that I get really really quiet to just look at the written directions and timelines before asking me a question.....she knows how I want things and is just a joy to work with...self-motivated very hard worker, who buffers when I start critiquing an event....there is no event that is without edit....always. She is gold and I make sure she has a bonus after big events....send her home with food, or wine....and praise.

The last time I lost it was when one of my staff edited my equipment list and left a needed pan at the kitchen....I sent him back to get it....we had time but I gotta tell you that pisses me off. 

Just went to a conference with ISES on timelines...oh man was it great. Sivek from Chicago who does massive events came down and went through the how toos and gave out an outline. It was really great to see everything written out by sometimes the minute. For offsite catering/events it's crutial to have timelines with everyone's do list charted out.


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## david jones (Jan 15, 2000)

I've had a lot of luck with uncontrollable swearing, and lots of violent gestures. Then if you fire someone in front of everyone, you're 
pretty much set.

Just kidding. I'm a big teddy bear. When I fire someone, they usually say "thank you."


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

Anger is self indugence. I would not suggest that it does happen in an explosion inside you, but to acknowledge it is self indulgent. That is merely a personal, and controlable response. Better to be cold to heat. People may not like you much, may even consider you cold, and/or unfeeling. This does not matter, when you have to sort a disaster that would have the most experienced chef weeping, only be cold. Talk flat and unemotional. Get it done. Shouting has benefitting no one. Nor will it ever. It is not effective. 

I never shouted at anyone in E.R. It sends them fleeing to the refuge of panic. A sure killer. Working quickly, and getting it right is the signature of both circumstances. There is much more than "self" in the mixture, no matter how dreadful the circumstances. We do not have the right to feel emotions. They are superfluous to the matter at hand. And very selfish. 

I hope someone out there understands. Diane


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## al_dente (Mar 9, 2005)

Managing to keep ones self from getting angry? Or managing how to channel anger in a productive manner? Anger will always be there, be it stated or not, 
and it is there for a reason. Perhaps a better question would be 'When should we call on it?'

As a young cook I found myself being promoted quickly (which I was proud of)
yet experience seemed to follow more slowly. I often found myself getting angry simply because people didn't do as I asked. After all, I was in charge and that was that. There would be no room for discussion. 

Thankfully that didn't drive me out of the business, although the pressure was huge. As time passed I found myself getting older and stood fast as I watched all the people come and go in the various places I worked. Then one day it hit me. All of a sudden I was an old guy and all the cooks were where I was back then. The only difference was that now there was a concrete explanation for everything that had to happen.

There is no room to argue with experience. Things are done in a particular manner for good reason. And if properly explained there can be no aguement. If done this way...this will happen...if done that way...that will happen....we do not want that to EVER happen...etc. And so it goes.

So is anger cured? Not a chance. Now I get pissed off with loud radios and horse play and having to take the heat for a bunch of young cooks making mistakes as I did years ago. But when I screwed up back then I was yelled at and never forgot it. Worked for me.

Let them see the anger a few times. And explain in detail why. Chances are they wont push it again. 

Ok, so I still get pissed off when the croutons burn. So there.

Al


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## pastrytracy (Jan 5, 2006)

I can organize things that make me angry and what I do about them in a list:
1. Lack of integrity. When the Chef de Cuisine forgets to order/ make something and throws something together. Usually, I say nothing. My lack of respect is comment enough.
2. Asking someone to please do something multiple times and it does not happen. Even worse is when it is something really easy like portioning prep or something like that. I end up doing it and having to go to my boss about this which sucks cause I hate to look like a whiner.
3. Not being informed. Whether it is somone needing a day off or if there is a party that is coming late/early whatever. The person in charge needs to tell their staff about upcoming events so they can be prepared. Etc...etc...etc...
I have two jobs, so I have plenty that I get angry about! Unfortunatley, I do not handle anger well. I am one of those cursing, towel-flinging wrecks that you cannot stand. I am working on it. I try to keep it in and let it out in a constructive manner. It is hard to do as I think that people that work in the kitchen are usually creative and passionate. With that comes heightened emotional response. At least that is what I have experienced from myself as well as others.


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## andrew563 (Oct 12, 2005)

I love that advice, "anger is self indulgence" and "it is better to be cold to the heat"


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## brewchef (May 25, 2006)

quote of the year right there. you don't realize it till you hit that certain age. God i so identified with this statement.


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## mikeb (Jun 29, 2004)

I know sometimes it's hard to control your anger in the kitchen. I'm a very ambitious cook, and I came up through the ranks incredibly quick, learned alot very early... The problem I have is that people don't want to listen to me because of my relative inexperience and lack of any education, yet the chef always backs me up, and is always telling me I need to help/teach the others... This has been happening for a few years now, as I'm nearly always the youngest in the kitchen (younger than most of the commis cooks actually), yet one of the most 'senior' guys on the line. 

I guess sometimes you just have to forget things, you just can't let it get to you (life is too short). Make sure everyone knows that when you get angry it's nothing personal. If someone is a real problem, just fire them and move on, it's easier than trying to change someone. Recently at the restaurant we did this, we're down 2 cooks but services have been alot easier without the other cooks constantly messing up.


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## morffin (May 4, 2006)

yes.....me too.....worked then,miracles....don't get the new guys. Blew up Saturday night that a line cook was LEANING during service. Is it me? Think not.

ps
foodnfoto, erase cache so we can talk..........


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## butt3r_chick3n (Oct 22, 2005)

Oh man.

I heard about not long ago (like a week or so) when one of the banquet cooks came in and said that he couldn't work for the shifts he was scheduled for that week because the other company he works for (a train company) needs him to work and he signed a contract or something. My exec. chef apparently exploded and was chasing the guy out of the kitchen swearing and stuff.

A shame I missed it, I had to hear it 2nd hand from one of the other cooks.


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## culinarymd (Apr 24, 2006)

As a retired Sr. Food Service Sergeant from the Army I can identify with anger in the kitchen. I've seen it and squashed it. Personally, I'm more like Diane. "Anger is selfish." If something goes amiss in the kitchen, like someone not showing up, or someone is behind on their dish, I wouldn't get angry. In the Army everyone knows the meal is the mission. So, we work together to get it done, take up the slack, whatever. There were times when supply didn't come through with a part of the meal, like potatoes. We just went to the store and bought them. If someone had an attitude or got angry (it happened sometimes) I took them to the side and counselled them. Most of the time, if you dig into their life a little you'll find out what brought on the attitude in the first place. But, that's what they train you to do as a leader in the Army. If counselling didn't work disciplinary action was taken. (Can't fire guys in the Army.) I never had to get angry. We worked as a team so well that your teammate would know what you needed before you could ask for it. I've worked in quite a few units and it was always the same. Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork! As a Chef, You are the leader of the kitchen. You set the example. Know everything about your employees, wants, desires, hopes and dreams. Once they know you care, they'll bend over backwards to not disappoint you.


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## andrew hope (Feb 3, 2006)

I worked with this one chef who had really bad anger-management he would throw stuff basically have a temper tantrum. Me and the other cooks found it so entertaining cause it was so over dramatic... oh the good ol' days.


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## piracer (Jun 22, 2006)

i dunno about dispensing anger since ive never head a kitchen (im only 16..) but when i was in a cafe, and i got behind orders since i didnt have a ticket thingy to check back upon, i got shouted that day so much i nearly broke down. i think its really bad cos i just lost concentration that the chef had to do the rest of the 5 orders.


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## jolly roger (Jan 27, 2006)

So, I'm i the middle of getting burried and I get an order for a strip, MR going with a risstto which we make to order...yeah I know how long that takes...Anyway, the steak comes back, three quaters eaten and the server says that the customer said it was "too salty". The owner (...who is the baddest chef I ever worked for in my life...), said: "How much of it did they eat?" The server showed him. Then he sees the sever boxing it up. Five minutes later, the server comes back and says that the customer wants a discount. The entire kitchen responded with a resounding: "**** off!!!" The owner fllipped his lid and went out to tell them how dumbfounded he was that if they didn't like the food, why were they taking it home and asking for a discount. Don't misunderstand me about the guy that owns this place...he's the coolest, most generous, hard working chef in the buisness...but if you, as a customer, p*ss him off, you're are going to get a table visit and it won't be pretty. 

Anger in the kitchen...sometimes justified. Yelling orders to insubordinates, wait staff, and any dumb a** that wonders back to the line in the middle of a rush to ask for an employee meal are warranted! Do what it takes to get the point accross as quickly as possible! The sensitivity police can gladly take the day off...all the ******* time!


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

I totally lost it this morning 4:30 am, couldn't sleep so got on the computer and started blasting....I chewed out the board who canceled an event without working out specifics with me, wrote letters to 2 farmers that are jerking my chain, wrote a letter to a writer who got info all wrong and included me in an article that I totally don't believe in.......

There was a small voice saying, press the delay sending button......did I listen? NOPE. It's ok sometimes it's just ok to let people know how you feel...and boy I did, there was no equivacating involved.....no name calling....no cussing.....but it was really really Hot.


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

Now I approve of that 'shroom. Sending a letter is truly the best way to do things. For the most anger, I use the best, very best stationay. It goes down to a 'bit of whinge' stationary. 

For berating the Prime Minister I use hand made paper and envelope. While critiquing her lastest excesses, and particularly lies. My husbands finest copper plate address on the envelope, to, Prime Minister, Wellington. hahahahaha. Using a broad nib. Very impressive. They always write back, silly buggers, gives me a chance to have another slash. University hip hop classes? Oh puleeze.


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

Mind you good people, it does give one a chance to explain to her how pathologically stupid she is in extreme and intimate detail, and why. One must never overlook a good opportunity. ;Þ


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## cheftorrie (Jun 23, 2006)

I do not often get very mad in the Kitchen but as said before by some other Chefs, I get flustered. I dont like to yell at people either becuase it just brings me back to my horrible experience at my externship my first year at the Greenbrier in West Virginia. I think that situations are better handled in a cool, calm and collective manor. However, I did get quite angry at one of our salad prep people this past weekend. We use Foie Gras in a couple of different dishes at the restaurant, and we use Fresh Foie Gras everyday. Then on the other side, we have a salad that uses Foie Gras. And the Foie Gras that goes into the salad is always the nights before leftover. Well anyways after months of preparing the same salad, this kid uses the fresh stuff when the other is in the walk-in right where it always is. I was not going to yell at him at first becuase Okay, maybe he really did space out and didnt see it, but then when I asked him what happened he said that he simply wanted to mix-it up. First of all, he has worked there only 3 months, second of all you mess around with bologna and hot dogs, not Foie Gras!!!!!


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## jolly roger (Jan 27, 2006)

I don't know if anyone else has taken the time to look at the site that Nicko included in his post. I'm not sure what relevence it has with with specific "anger in the kitchen". Nicko...was there something more specific about this site, you found to be informative? I'm not trying to be a jacka*s, I'm sincerely interested. My kitchen is a breeding ground for bad attitudes and I really would like to take it down on the "mellow" scale a few notches. I have two aprentices now that are very young and talk major "smack". I really want to help them, but they seem to have this over-romanticized perception of being a cook, like it makes them some sort of demi-god. Myself and the other chef and the owner (...who still busts his a*s behind the line with the rest of us...) know how to budget our bad behavior, but these kids are always over the top and way too dramatic. Last night, I sent the one kid home before we cleaned the line and said to him that he talks too much. I just got very tired of his running his mouth all night. I would like to keep him around because sometimes he shows potential as a cook. So how is that for "specific"?


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## nicko (Oct 5, 2001)

I am not really sure what your asking.


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

Jolly Roger, I see your problem. You are doing your best by a person you see as potentially talented, but who drives you mad. You are a kind man. Can you tell him he is a cook not a compere. Can you tell to simply Shut Up. Then have a go at looking menacing, or what works for you.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Couple of times I really blew it. One particular event, about a 4 years ago it was so busy that we had to hire a new guy without giving him a few shifts in the kitchen. Impressive resume, worked over 15 years in N.A, Caribbean, etc. Had the required amount of apendages and brain power. Function was a BBQ event, dead simple. Told the new guy it was a walk in the park: Set up, cook a few burgers and dogs, put them in the chafers, and when the crowd comes, smile, nod and flip burgers. Showed him the bbq, a nice big commercial one ,"Crown Veritas" built like a rock. Had it for 5 years, did functions over 300 with that thing, never a problem. I asked the new guy if he wanted to try it out, he figures no, he's worked enough bbq's to operate one. Famous last words.

So the new guy goes out with our crew to set up, I've got a big function that night, and another bbq the following day, so I stay behind. About an hour before the event starts I get a call from my partner: 
"Hurry down here and bring the cheap BBQ from home with you, NOW!"

Get down there with a "Canadian Tire special" Bbq, with a heavy heart. New guy is standing in front of my bbq with a pile of little brass springs and valves at his feet, I glare at him, he mutters:
"Sorry man, I've worked all kinds of Bbq's, used all kinds of stoves, all around the world, but I can't figure out this one out."

The bbq has 5 knobs, each one controlling a burner, and like most bbq's you have top push the knob in, then turn. The new guy had forced EACH burner knob until it broke. If he ever got that thing lit, he'd have blown it up. 

My face was the colour of a rotten strawberry, but I didn't yell at him, I leaned closer to him, taking enjoyment at watching him flinch away. I said,

"The knobs are push and turn, like every other bbq I've seen. Now, you break one, I can understand, sh** happens, and you can get by with four burners, easy. Two knobs broken, well maybe you're a slow learner or in a panic, but you can still get by with three burners. Now knobs four and five. I don't know. I guess I'll never know until you trip and fall, split your head wide open and I can finally see what's in there. But I'd like your suggetions on what to do for tomorow's bbq party".

I managed to get the thing fixed befoe the next day, cost me over $200 to get all 5 valves replaced and soap tested. I photocopied the invoice, stapled his paycheque to it, and put a sticky note on it, saying: "Do what you think is right" . Never heard from him again. But a knee kick to the family jewels would have given me more pleasure than the sticky note.....


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

Aha.. that is a bad bad story. What can one say. Nothing. Oww. Have a drink on me, will it be a Lion Red, or a Heiniken. Steinlargers aren't bad. Or would a general anaesthetic be more your thing.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Nah, that happened a few years back. All over it now, just wish I could laugh about it. 
Now, for a couple of Tiger Beers I could tell you the time the bqt waitress ran off with our catering van for a couple of hours. Since it was the end of the month, I guessed--correctly--that she took it to finish moving into her new Apt. The kicker was, she wanted to be paid overtime for her "excursion". Then, for a case of TsingTao, I could tell you about the time an Event planner....


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## jolly roger (Jan 27, 2006)

Well Nicko, I went to the site you referenced and didn't find anything specific to "anger in the kitchen". Where, spicifically do I need to look on that site for kitchen ahger related advice? Or is it just another advertisement?


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## 89brendon (Sep 30, 2016)

Well after 27 years in the industry of being yelled at , run into the ground . It seem I suffer from axiety attacks now and suffer from depression. I truely belief there needs to be more research into long term affects on chefs ,,I believe there are huge mental health issues rife in the trade . Still enjoy what I do , but doing less stressful position these days .. I have worked with some great chefs and some mental cases over the years . I will never understand these guys that just loose it ..


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## isabout (Sep 25, 2016)

kuan said:


> Maybe Gordon Ramsay should spend a few weeks with Lynette.
> 
> I got angry at waitstaff more than anything.


Oh god yes. When I'm running the line and the waitstaff do the whole "When the cat is away the mice will play" bullshit is by far the angriest I've ever been in twenty years in kitchens. I've had servers carrying on a personal conversation IN FRONT OF MY LINE with their food up. I call their food for pickup once, twice, three times. Then I have to literally yell at them (in an open kitchen) to get their damn food; and they glower at me for interrupting their conversation. We've been juggling FOH managers for almost a year now and it's gotten worse and worse keeping the servers in line as we go from one ineffectual candidate with a BS resume to another. At this point I'd be thrilled if I could convince the owners to let me fire half their FOH staff and hire randoms off the street. It would be an upgrade.


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## chefross (May 5, 2010)

This is a 10 year old thread. Chef's can suffer PTSD just the same as a soldier coming home from war.

Day after day, week after week, all the stress can have the same affect.


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## cheffree (Oct 9, 2016)

I have manic depression, and along with that comes some pretty severe anger issues. I was court ordered to take anger management in highschool after I hit a teacher. When I found cooking, I found a solace. As a line cook, I was so good, I could come to work stoned, and still manage to prep, cook, and plate beautiful upscale dishes for 60-100 a night, with one other cook. What really gets me angry in a kitchen now is when someone is blatantly disrespectful to the process. I've had cooks tell me that they don't care, and I'm like, 'then why are you even here?' You HAVE to care to succeed in a cooking profession. So when I see someone who just doesn't give a shit, it angers me because I've worked so hard to achieve a name that people are happy to eat under. Don't make me look bad just because you're in the wrong profession. 

P.S. I WILL fire for this. You can teach anyone to cook, but only if they want to learn.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

First off its not a rare opportunity, not sure the whole point of actually studying this?? Bravo for making something out of nothing. As for me I just cook food, that's what chefs do.


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## luis de vence (Jun 5, 2015)

My neuroticism gets the best of me in the kitchen. I tend to explode when one of my staff members puts me in a unnecessary situation. When I have to repeat myself multiple times so a cook understands what to do, but still does it wrong. When a foh staff rushes my team, or when they go straight and ask them to cook something without asking me. The moment when my view of perfection or slight perfection gets broken and it shatters my balance to try to fix it back. To try and get that composure back drives me into an angry rampage and sadly no one is safe from my cold and bitter responses. Its something i'm working on.

really gotta check that timestamp. 10 year old thread, but a very good read.


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## PastryChefAspie (Jul 17, 2017)

What really triggers me is my compeptuous boss. He's not the exec chef but he is the biggest POS I've ever met. I can't trust him with his help because I know that he'll just sheet on my work. It's even more insulting when he says he "understands" during performance reviews because I know he doesn't mean a fucking word of it. HR hasn't helped, the exec chef is too fucking nice. I can't get out of my department and I can't win. That is what drives me.


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