# Dealing with a difficult co worker, need advice !!!



## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

going to make this as short and sweet as possible. How do you deal with a difficult co worker, both as a regular cook or even as a head chef?

         I struggled in the very beginning of my new job but now im doing extremely well, but now im faced with the problem of having to work very closely with someone who does not work well with others. To me she doesnt seem to handle stress very well, as she turns into a B**** when having to deal with stressful situations. She is almost impossible to communicate with, without her freaking out or getting an attitude. She doesnt want help, as she thinks she can do everything herself, but god forbid you ask her for help or she will talk down to you with disrespect. She does not come off as a person i can see myself pulling aside and trying to solve our indifferences, as i think that will make things worse. 

          This is someone who has been pulled aside already for her behavior, as well as apparently crying on her second day of training. I really have no clue how to handle this situation, i really love this job, and worked my butt off to get it, but i really dont want to have to work with someone who isnt a team player and has a serious lack of communication skills. 

          I hate having to go to higher ups and complaining about the people i work with, but its becoming unbearable at this point. What would be your advice for this kind of situation?


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

I don't let their problems become my problems. I can do nothing about their problems. I can do something about my problems, but I am not accepting any new problems at this time.

I focus on doing my job to the best of my abilities.


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

The four agreements.

1. Be impeccable with your word.

2. Don't take anything personally.

3. Don't make assumptions. 

4. Always do your best. 

    As trite as these may sound, I have found these four guidelines to be immensely helpful when dealing with bad coworkers. 

As ChefLayne pointed out, keep focused on your own problems. You can be sure that you are not the only one who recognizes her behavior so you don't need to point it out to anyone. Just keep doing your job well and get through the day the best you can.


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

cheflayne said:


> I don't let their problems become my problems. I can do nothing about their problems. I can do something about my problems, but I am not accepting any new problems at this time.
> 
> I focus on doing my job to the best of my abilities.





chefwriter said:


> The four agreements.
> 
> 1. Be impeccable with your word.
> 
> ...


yes i do understand both of these, so thank you. But her behavior is affecting my quality of work, like i literally cant do anything without her intervening onto my hard work with her rudeness/attitude. I just dont know how to work around this problem at this point.


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## brianshaw (Dec 18, 2010)

I've been in your shoes several times. It's not easy... I know!

There are two basic options: (1) find a better work environment and (2) be patient and wait until that person sinks their own ship. Going to management with a complaint is what all HR/management folks say to do... but I find that to be just lip service. HR/management doesn't want to deal with that person either and probably won't. They are likely waiting for option #2 to happen... which is ironic since they can make it so if the situation is affecting their corporate environment and/or bottom line.

Suggest when that person is rude... politely ask that the comment be repeated and re-phrased. Act stupid and say you didn't understand. Sometimes when rude people hear themselves a second time they can hear the rudeness. I did that to someone so often that they started speaking real slow and real loud... thought I was retarded and hard-of-hearing. But when others could start hearing the abusiveness it stopped.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

You do the best you can. She intervenes. You continue on doing the best you can with the situation as presented to you with her intervention. If the results of the interaction effects quality of the business, management will either recognize the issue or they won't.

If they recognize the issue they will deal with it in a constructive or destructive manner. If they deal with the issue in a constructive manner, all well and good. If they deal with it in a destructive manner. You do the best you can with the situation that you are presented with.

If management doesn't recognize the issue, you do the best with the situation that you are presented, etc. etc. etc...There is no cut and paste solution.

Do your job and hope management does theirs.

You aren't going to enlighten her and you aren't going to enlighten management. They either are or they aren't.


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

I will add this. With only one or two brief exceptions, every job I have ever had has had a coworker, supervisor or employee who was a pain and a problem. This did not change even when working with my family. I'm having the same problem right now at my current job. 

      I keep wondering when I will find a job with fellow humans who enjoy the work, carry their baggage single handedly, communicate well and show respect for everyone. So far this job has eluded me.

     As a business owner, I know I get to set the atmosphere in the workplace but that doesn't mean I won't unintentionally hire someone who doesn't fit in. I will get rid of them as soon as possible but until I am able to do so I have to put up with their bs. 

    As an employee, I follow the four agreements just to make sure I'm not the one poisoning the atmosphere. 

     Answers to these problems depend on the situation. Sometimes they quit. Sometimes I quit. Sometimes a direct response works best, sometimes management intervenes, other times the employee overcomes themselves and gets it together. Sometimes I just learn how to adjust. 

     So all we can really do is offer some moral support and general suggestions. We all know how much it sucks having to go to work every day with a problematic coworker. Unfortunately, if it isn't this one, it will be someone else some day.

Best of luck.


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

chefwriter said:


> I will add this. With only one or two brief exceptions, every job I have ever had has had a coworker, supervisor or employee who was a pain and a problem. This did not change even when working with my family. I'm having the same problem right now at my current job.
> 
> I keep wondering when I will find a job with fellow humans who enjoy the work, carry their baggage single handedly, communicate well and show respect for everyone. So far this job has eluded me.
> 
> ...


so i should learn to adjust to having to work with someone who has zero respect for their fellow coworkers, and that their poor attitude should just be put up with instead of fixed.... i just cant see that getting me very far. I can say right now quitting this job is NOT an option im going to take, since i had to work hard as heck just to get it, and i do actually really enjoy it when working with the right people.

im just hoping that since they have noticed her poor behavior before they will notice it again and fix the problem hopefully soon. I plan on giving it a week, before i actually step up and say anything about it. I take work very seriously because its what i love to do and i dont take to kindly to fact that a sour co worker is trying to screw with my hard work ethic.


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## kingfarvito (May 7, 2012)

Kslim said:


> so i should learn to adjust to having to work with someone who has zero respect for their fellow coworkers, and that their poor attitude should just be put up with instead of fixed.... i just cant see that getting me very far. I can say right now quitting this job is NOT an option im going to take, since i had to work hard as heck just to get it, and i do actually really enjoy it when working with the right people.
> im just hoping that since they have noticed her poor behavior before they will notice it again and fix the problem hopefully soon. I plan on giving it a week, before i actually step up and say anything about it. I take work very seriously because its what i love to do and i dont take to kindly to fact that a sour co worker is trying to screw with my hard work ethic.


 this person has been present at every job I've ever had. You deal with it and move on with your day.


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## brianshaw (Dec 18, 2010)

Take a bit of your spare time and watch the kids movie Rattitooey. I find it not only relaxes me but gives good advise in how to deal with difficult co-workers.  Seems quite apropos to your situation!


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

Your other option is to tell her to eff off, how effective is that going to be? How does she interfere with your work?


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

Grande said:


> Your other option is to tell her to eff off, how effective is that going to be? How does she interfere with your work?


telling her that would only get me fired. they dont deal with foul language at my work. she doesnt take well to delegating certain tasks, she basically wants to do it all herself. i tried to break down our station to make it easier where as she did 4 menu items and i did the other 4 and then we would both do desserts.(we have about 8 salads we are responsible for, plus 6 desserts) She didnt like that idea at all, and her response was basically we will figure it out as we go. Well about 20 minutes into getting hit hard with orders she begins to order me around like im her B****, constantly taking things out of my hands and stepping into my way in order to try and take over. i constantly had to tell her i was good and that "i got this" and her response was to freak out and kept telling me to stop......

now im not an idiot i know my station pretty damn well, so im not taking to well to the fact that this girl has no respect for the three other people who are suppose to work along with her and work together. ( im not the only one who has talked about her poor behavior, im about the third person at this point) i definitely think certain people are taking note of her behavior but no one has really pulled her aside and told her to get rid of whatever attitude she has with the rest of us and do better or get the eff out.

im stuck working with this chick for 5 days, so im just dreading having to deal with this when my "weekend" is over with.


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

Do you really need two people on your pantry station? What kind of volume are you doing?


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

Grande said:


> Do you really need two people on your pantry station? What kind of volume are you doing?


i dont make that decision, so i cant really say. we are a brand new restaurant located in the heart of all the amusement parks of orlando. On the first day of soft opening we had over a couple thousand on just the first day. So its pretty packed, and thats just when its open for half a day, so i can imagine it being a lot more when we go to regular hours.

im not gonna lie ive done a lot of pantry station jobs, and the setup of this one is pretty "special", its basically split into two different sections, and the desserts are having to go through the dish area and into a cooler, as well we are responsible for grilling and searing our own ahi tuna, chicken and ribeye steaks that we use for some of our salads. It really isnt the greatest setup in all honesty. Which is probably why they have two people on it.


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## panini (Jul 28, 2001)

I have worked with and hired people like this.  Most of the time these type of people are starved for praise and attention. I have been successful with a few things. Say yes to everything she asks. If she wants to be a mentor, then let her. Praise her for things. Ask many questions about a task she has given you, even if you know the answer. When she turns into a bitch, make a point of asking what you can do for her to make her feel better. It's kind of a nice word to let her know she is acting bitchy. 

It takes a lot of energy for someone to be like that. She will eventually come around and become normal. No Reaction!!! to anything she does bitchy. Some thrive on that. Praise might be her trigger.

Some need to make someone feel inadequate to reaffirm themselves. good luck


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

panini said:


> I have worked with and hired people like this. Most of the time these type of people are starved for praise and attention. I have been successful with a few things. Say yes to everything she asks. If she wants to be a mentor, then let her. Praise her for things. Ask many questions about a task she has given you, even if you know the answer. When she turns into a bitch, make a point of asking what you can do for her to make her feel better. It's kind of a nice word to let her know she is acting bitchy.
> 
> It takes a lot of energy for someone to be like that. She will eventually come around and become normal. No Reaction!!! to anything she does bitchy. Some thrive on that. Praise might be her trigger.
> 
> Some need to make someone feel inadequate to reaffirm themselves. good luck


no offense but i dont believe in praising people for poor behavior, i dont think this girl wants to be a mentor since she hates when you ask her anything. My plan is to try hard to ignore her rude behavior. I just cant wrap my head around the way she acts towards people, like this girl cant be that dumb thinking that she wasnt gonna have to work together with other people for this job to work, then again maybe she's completely naive to her own behavior and thinks its ok. Like if your not a people person, then maybe you shouldnt be in a job where you HAVE to work with other people, apparently its a hard concept for some people to understand.

ill give her three days, maybe five if i can stand it. But then im going to my boss and saying something.


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## brianshaw (Dec 18, 2010)

For whatever reason, she may feel threatened by you (or our very existence at "her" station).

Her hormones may be "temporarily off balance" and need a bit of time to re-adjust. It happens... sometimes more pronounced in some women than in others.

Alternatively... she may like you and have a secret crush on you.


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

Rather than split up dishes split up areas, i.e. one does all the grilling and salads & one does desserts and whatever. Then be firm with her when she gets in your area. Don't help her and let her know she isn't welcome. She doesn't care if you like her so reciprocate without being a dick for no reason. Wait it out without causing problems as stated sbove.


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## panini (Jul 28, 2001)

Kslim said:


> panini said:
> 
> 
> > I have worked with and hired people like this. Most of the time these type of people are starved for praise and attention. I have been successful with a few things. Say yes to everything she asks. If she wants to be a mentor, then let her. Praise her for things. Ask many questions about a task she has given you, even if you know the answer. When she turns into a bitch, make a point of asking what you can do for her to make her feel better. It's kind of a nice word to let her know she is acting bitchy.
> ...


Well I don't think I said praise her behavior or personality. As for her behavior, I think I mentioned how to let her know she is not acting properly by offering to help her feel better and less frustrated. Just keep in mind, this person is probably just as upset with your behavior, right or wrong, as you are with her. Be prepared to to confront her when you drop a dime. Have all you ammunition at the ready. She will probably confront you on performance. I would try to redirect all allegations back to her behavior. A manager will usually react to performance before behavior when you're doing big numbers.

Just tryin to help. 1 cents


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## lagom (Sep 5, 2012)

BrianShaw said:


> For whatever reason, she may feel threatened by you (or our very existence at "her" station).
> 
> Her hormones may be "temporarily off balance" and need a bit of time to re-adjust. It happens... sometimes more pronounced in some women than in others.
> 
> Alternatively... she may like you and have a secret crush on you.


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## lagom (Sep 5, 2012)

@BrianShaw I too like to live dangerously.[emoji]128640[/emoji]


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## lagom (Sep 5, 2012)

"so i should learn to adjust to having to work with someone who has zero respect for their fellow coworkers, and that their poor attitude should just be put up with instead of fixed"

Unfortunatly that is the way it works out a lot of times in our, or any other profession. Even as an owner that does the hiring I get the occassional person that is just not a fit for my business, and I've been interviewing and hiring people since 1988. The key in this situation(and it has been mentioned in this thread) is to maintain your professionalism, if you don't then you become a challenging employee just like your coworker. As a boss, I have in the past decided that it is just better to replace two challenging new employees than it is to try and figure(guess) who is in the wrong. Was that always fair? No, but sometimes thats just the way it is. 

Keep your chin and professionalism up and best of luck.


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## panini (Jul 28, 2001)

I agree with @Lagom .

It's a part of life. Like having a big brother who bully's and beats you up all the time and you bunk in the same room. Or having a wife who gives you wonderful children and then her behavior turns bitchy. At least at work you get to leave the bitch once in a while.


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## chefross (May 5, 2010)

BrianShaw said:


> Take a bit of your spare time and watch the kids movie Rattitooey. I find it not only relaxes me but gives good advise in how to deal with difficult co-workers. Seems quite apropos to your situation!


As in the female Sous Chef????

Love it!!!


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## chefross (May 5, 2010)

Kslim said:


> telling her that would only get me fired. they dont deal with foul language at my work. she doesnt take well to delegating certain tasks, she basically wants to do it all herself. i tried to break down our station to make it easier where as she did 4 menu items and i did the other 4 and then we would both do desserts.(we have about 8 salads we are responsible for, plus 6 desserts) She didnt like that idea at all, and her response was basically we will figure it out as we go. Well about 20 minutes into getting hit hard with orders she begins to order me around like im her B****, constantly taking things out of my hands and stepping into my way in order to try and take over. i constantly had to tell her i was good and that "i got this" and her response was to freak out and kept telling me to stop......
> 
> now im not an idiot i know my station pretty damn well, so im not taking to well to the fact that this girl has no respect for the three other people who are suppose to work along with her and work together. ( im not the only one who has talked about her poor behavior, im about the third person at this point) i definitely think certain people are taking note of her behavior but no one has really pulled her aside and told her to get rid of whatever attitude she has with the rest of us and do better or get the eff out.
> 
> im stuck working with this chick for 5 days, so im just dreading having to deal with this when my "weekend" is over with.


Sounds like it's time for a trip to the walk-in cooler for a attitude adjustment.

Walk away, deny everything, and see what happens


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

in my head i originally was gonna give this girl a week to figure herself out. Now im only gonna give her a day, which is tonight, i go into to work from 1-10pm. Ive decided that i dont need to put up with someone who is going to mess up my hard work ethic and my ability to work this station well like i know i can. 

I dont have high hopes for this chick to get over her issues in one day though, so it'll be an interesting work week. I mean this girl can be rude as heck all she wants if my other coworkers want to deal with it, but i aint putting up with it.


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## brianshaw (Dec 18, 2010)

Hang in there!  Good luck!  Do the right thing for you but don't do anything that you might regret later!


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## panini (Jul 28, 2001)

Just me and only me. Not advise.

If I were to go try and fix things with a sit down, I would advise the Chef of your problem. Not hers. After all, it is your problem. I wouldn't trash her, I would explain why you can't perform

up to your potential with what's going on. Then explain. Or like ChefRoss says, a "come to Jesus" meeting in the walk-in./img/vbsmilies/smilies/eek.gif Also like Brian says, don't do something you'll regret. If there has been

unresolved complaints about this person, she might be a family member of someone in management. good luck


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

panini said:


> Just me and only me. Not advise.
> 
> If I were to go try and fix things with a sit down, I would advise the Chef of your problem. Not hers. After all, it is your problem. I wouldn't trash her, I would explain why you can't perform
> 
> ...


my thoughts are, and im gonna try and qoute this like as if i were going to say to chef. is that "im having issues working with said person on my station due to the lack of communication, i just dont know how to fix this problem, because when i go to try and talk to her she doesnt seem to want to work things out and work as a team, tends to want to do everything herself instead of me trying to help her out. "

i dont know, does that even sound right......

i would add that it "its effecting my ability to work, because she tends to become angry if i try and do anything without telling her" but i dont know if thats appropriate to say at this time.


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

That sounds fine to me. You are correct in bringing it up with Chef first. I suspect he is already aware of the situation but perhaps not. In any event, have a talk with him and let him take the next step. 

Additionally, as was suggested, don't trash her. Just state the situation. In your future interactions with her, remain calm at all times. When two people are having a tough time as you are, the one who gets visibly upset is automatically the loser. No matter how pissed off you are, keep a straight, calm face as if nothing is bothering you. This has the effect of making her behavior even more noticeable.


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## flipflopgirl (Jun 27, 2012)

chefwriter said:


> That sounds fine to me. You are correct in bringing it up with Chef first. I suspect he is already aware of the situation but perhaps not. In any event, have a talk with him and let him take the next step.
> 
> Additionally, as was suggested, don't trash her. Just state the situation. In your future interactions with her, remain calm at all times. When two people are having a tough time as you are, the one who gets visibly upset is automatically the loser. No matter how pissed off you are, keep a straight, calm face as if nothing is bothering you. This has the effect of making her behavior even more noticeable.


Total agreement.

Also remember once you have complained don't repeat it and remain calm cool and collected on future shifts.

Like someone else commented it takes 2 to tango and you are now on the radar.

Loosing your temper will only raise suspicion with Chef that it is you who has the problem.....

mimi


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## panini (Jul 28, 2001)

Kslim said:


> panini said:
> 
> 
> > Just me and only me. Not advise.
> ...


Sounds pretty right to me. I personally would leave out your last line. What you wrote opens the door for the Chef to ask you about specifics. Then I would offer the last line.


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## brianshaw (Dec 18, 2010)

The opening line is CRUCIAL. Suggest saving the "complaint" to the second thought.

It might be better to start the conversation by saying how much you enjoy being a part of the Chef's team and want to be a productive team member but having some concerns about being able to best meet Chef's needs, expectations, and standards. Chef will certainly ask, Why?... or quietly wait for the next sentence.


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## jcakes (Feb 18, 2007)

So, what happened?

If you haven't already had the conversation with your Chef, I would chime in by suggesting that you have at least three specific examples of how her behavior slowed down the progress of getting your plates to the expo.  The Chef doesn't want to hear subjective information, he/she wants to hear objectively how this behavior is affecting the bottom line, or affecting the guests' experience.  Maybe these are examples of how her performance affects things: she rearranges your station after you've set it up (huge no-no), she re-makes plates after you have made them to the standard expected for the (salad or whatever); you have suggested ways to streamline the station and she has been unwilling to implement the suggestions.

The real key here is: do you only work with this person or do you work this station with other people in addition to the crazy chicklet?  because if you are working well with others, that is something the Chef will know too.


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

So update on situation, it really isnt getting any better, but isnt necessarily getting worse so to speak. I have a thick skin to peoples BS but this girl has pushed every last button, anytime she goes off on a rant which is still pretty often, i want to deck the girl among other things. Like i just cant no more. Plus to make things worse she has one of the chefs wrapped around her finger, who basically hates me for whatever reason and thinks this chick is just the best thing to ever happen to our station.

Im just over the crap, as much as i want to make this new job work, and as much as i enjoy it i really dont know how much further i can be pushed until i break and basically probably get myself fired for it. 


JCakes said:


> So, what happened?
> 
> If you haven't already had the conversation with your Chef, I would chime in by suggesting that you have at least three specific examples of how her behavior slowed down the progress of getting your plates to the expo. The Chef doesn't want to hear subjective information, he/she wants to hear objectively how this behavior is affecting the bottom line, or affecting the guests' experience. Maybe these are examples of how her performance affects things: she rearranges your station after you've set it up (huge no-no), she re-makes plates after you have made them to the standard expected for the (salad or whatever); you have suggested ways to streamline the station and she has been unwilling to implement the suggestions.
> 
> The real key here is: do you only work with this person or do you work this station with other people in addition to the crazy chicklet? because if you are working well with others, that is something the Chef will know too.


i get along fine and work quite well with the other two people who i work with, we all collectively agree that this girl is cray cray, but im about the only one with a big mouth who would ever speak up and say anything about her behavior. Even if i were in the long run to bring up my issue with one of the chefs, i dont know if i would try to drag them into it, simply cause i dont like doing that to other people who arent really aware of my inner issues with this situation.

At this point im seriously considering just transferring back into my old location. Id rather deal with lazy people (which is basically what i was working with back at my old place) then deal with people who are clearly out to make my life miserable in more ways then one. i HATE giving up, and this is the kind of restaurant ive always wanted to work in, but this job is literally starting to make me in a way depressed having to deal with someone like that. idk

i mean if you were in maybe a similar situation would you stick it out even if it made you miserable in hopes that it got better, or would you leave? im just stuck in an stressful situation. I mean has anyone worked really hard for something they thought they would enjoy and realized once they got it, that it was making you miserable or unhappy?

it just kinda sucks to have a job i worked so hard to get be ruined essentially by one person.


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

Maybe you should have this honest conversation with your boss. If they can't put you on a different section you can quit, which is better than being miserable.


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

Don't drag the other two in to the situation, invite them in. Talk to them in private and if you all agree on the situation then all three of you talk to the chef together.


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

Well things only got worse, I'm now being sabotaged not only by the three people I work close with but now people from other areas are getting involved... Apparently because I wasn't nice to this girl (I mean geez she sure can dish it, but can't take it) , she cried after I clocked out for the day and now has both chefs on her side of things. I've been repremanded twice now for apparently not kissing this girl ass.......
I'm basically walking in tommorow and asking for a transfer back to my old location or quitting.... 
ive had about 4 restaurant jobs ranging from all types and never in my life have been put in a situation like this, or dealt with people who act like this. 
I just can't wrap my head around how people side with someone who's so rude and condescending to everyone around her, but yet is so highly thought of by management is mind blowing.... 
I mean I'm not trying to put the blame on everyone but myself, but all I want to do is come into work and work, all the extra crap is just crazy to me. 
Just to work so hard for something and then basically it all fall apart because of one person... I don't know if I should be mad or upset. I'm basically going through both emotions at the same time at this point.


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## grande (May 14, 2014)

Just leavee it behind. A word of advice; managers don't like ultimatums. So, go spread some resumes around before work to get a jump on things.


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

Grande said:


> Just leavee it behind. A word of advice; managers don't like ultimatums. So, go spread some resumes around before work to get a jump on things.


im not necessarily going to give an ultimatum in those words, but if im not given the ok to transfer back to my old location, im not going to continue to torture myself either.


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## kslim (Oct 23, 2013)

i think i work in a place with some very bipolar people... like REALLY Bipolar....i walk into work today expecting the worse, and instead am greeted by the girl im having major issues with, with kindness..... lord jesus, i just dont know what to make of this job. The one chef who isnt to keen on me still, i can just tell by body language, etc still isnt big on my presence, one minute he was harping on me and the next he was praising me.... i get that people go very up and down in moods in a few seconds, but its like a giant mind game working at this place. I dont know what to make of it, 

We also all learned that there are a bunch of new hires coming in starting tomorrow for quite a few different areas, including mine. Which basically is turning our pantry station from a 4 person station to 7 person station. 

Im slightly uneasy about what this could turn into being, considering all the problems ive had in the past week. I cant tell if its due to them wanting to replace some of the original people, or are they doing it because they are short staffed.


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## etherial (Sep 22, 2013)

> no offense but i dont believe in praising people for poor behavior, i dont think this girl wants to be a mentor since she hates when you ask her anything. My plan is to try hard to ignore her rude behavior. I just cant wrap my head around the way she acts towards people, like this girl cant be that dumb thinking that she wasnt gonna have to work together with other people for this job to work, then again maybe she's completely naive to her own behavior and thinks its ok. Like if your not a people person, then maybe you shouldnt be in a job where you HAVE to work with other people, apparently its a hard concept for some people to understand.
> 
> ill give her three days, maybe five if i can stand it. But then im going to my boss and saying something.


I don't give a ratz azz about people like that. I have a co-worker who thinks he's the new sous and tries to boss me around. As soon as he tries to give me an order, I always say, "I've already got that. Do you need help with your tasks?" Sometimes, he tells me to go on break and I retort by telling him when I'm going on break and to be sure to take his, too.

Our new chef is something to be desired, too. He barks at everyone, talks down to everyone, and it kills me when I hear this uber conservative try to speak urban, when he knows absolutely nothing about it. He tries to hi-five me one minute, then put me down in the next. I politely told him that he doesn't have to bark at me because I will do anything in the scope of my employment. He has eased up a bit and I also reminded him that he mentioned on his first day that he wanted to get to know us and I would be more than happy to sit and chat with him so he has an idea of whom he's working with. He agreed, but he's only spoken to the male cooks." Weird, huh? Not surprised. Anyway, the new chef has only been there 4 weeks and is very curt and cutting.

I hate conflict, but sometimes, you gotta step up and let 'em know you are NOBODY'S B*&(&! I let that little fake-azz sous (he's just a line cook, still vying for the title and has only had 2 years of line cook experience. Oh, he graduated from culinary school a semester ahead of me), know not to eff with me. I was pizzed and now he's still a little curt, but that's his culture. He's a little guy and I'm bigger, but he helps me now. We work fine now. He's not my friend and we are cordial to one another. We also help one another out.

Let's face it, men don't really want us in the professional kitchen, but when women start acting like that, it only sets us back even further. Stand your ground and don't fall for the "polite" tactic of trying to please her. She may be jealous of you. Did that every occur to you? You don't have to yell when you let her know she's overstepping her pay grade, then start documenting your interactions with times and dates. Be very accurate because you want to have your facts together in case it reaches HR and you've covered your bases.

Good luck!


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

Etherial said:


> Let's face it, men don't really want us in the professional kitchen,


That is a pretty broad brush stroke.

Perhaps a barometer of sorts.


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## chefbuba (Feb 17, 2010)

I worked for over six years with two women in a very intimate environment (a 24' catering truck) when I did movie catering. They were much easier to get along with than some of the guys I had working for me, and for the most part harder working. We could be feeding 50 people one day and 500 the next. Our job was very physical at times and these women brought it 99% of the time.

I have no problem with women in the kitchen as long as they can do the job that they were hired to do.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

Yeah I am with @chefbuba on this one

When the chits start to fly, I don't care what gender, nationality, religion, age, etc. etc. etc. you are.

I want to work with people that are warriors, take names, and kick butt. Everything else goes out the window and doesn't mean a thing.

I don't even care if I like you or not (or whether you like me or not). It's nice if I do (and vice versa), but it's secondary on my priority list. A distant second. I am running a kitchen, not a popularity contest.

All that other stuff never matters to begin with either. I judge people individually on their merit and their character.

Some of the best people I know are ________ (fill in the blank with whatever pigeonhole you want).

Some of the worst people I know are ________ (fill in the blank with same pigeonhole used above).


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

I'll jump in on this one. I've worked for and with plenty of women in all kinds of kitchen jobs and do so now. With one rare exception over the years,  they were all hard working and more pleasant than many of the men. So as the others have stated, I want the work done and done well. Gender just is not the issue it was in the past. If you work in a kitchen where it is, that's a sign the kitchen is unprofessional in many ways and you need to get out. 

If you are hardworking, dependable and like to discuss food, I'm right beside you, male, female or from Mars. If you are incompetent, a jerk or just plain lazy, don't hide behind your race, religion, gender or any other label. You aren't a female jerk, just a jerk. You aren't a gay lazy person, you're just lazy. As requested, I'm judging you on the content of your character. Make sure it measures up.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

I think every kitchen I've worked in, with the exception of the army, had at least half of the brigade female. This had the effect on me that when I ran my own kitchens, that half or even more of my staff was female.

With all that being said, I've got problems with the o.p. problem. Either this "girl" has the entire kitchen wrapped around her finger and is a genuine con artist, or..... Perhaps the problem lies with the o.p.?


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## baconfat213 (Nov 11, 2015)

Ive read some of the advice they gave you, but simply what i do is put up with it if i love the job, and remember that im there because i want to, and if that person is acting like that towards you or my self it because they are either threatened by you or jelous.


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## peteypete (Oct 4, 2015)

I started my job a month and a half ago, with chef/porter/waiter experience under my belt. I know how to follow recipes and instructions, Whatever I am told by the higher ups I will do. I notice stupid things but as a new starter I say nothing as it is not my place, if this is the way things were before them let it be, however I refuse to pick up my co workers bad habits. Example: Bad prep results in a bad cook, I won't reveal names or the recipe, but creating A mixture for waffles should not include USED vegetable oil "to save money" the instructions should also be followed correctly, and not to use Extra virgin olive oil. And when the cook is bad, you are blamed. 


Take constructive criticism with a pinch of salt and difficult co workers with an even more bigger pinch. I am personally aiming to be a more knowledgeable Chef in and out of the kitchen and one of the biggest chunks of knowledge iv gained is don't ever let it get to you. When I screw up in the kitchen I acknowledge it, tell someone I F**ked up and then immediately rectify it. 

and with the sexism? I personally don't care if your a woman or a man, as long as you can do the job and keep up.


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## fablesable (Oct 11, 2014)

It is all in what you bring into the job is what you get out of it. If you are walking into a kitchen with a big chip on your shoulder about..............(fill in the blank) then that is more of what you are going to get handed back to you.

If you are thinking that the rest of the kitchen thinks that because you are female you are incapable, then that is EXACTLY what you will receive.

If you think that others are the problem and do not do as you think they should and you are adamant that you are right, then that is EXACTLY what you will receive in return.

Energy follows thought and people can pick that up easily in a close environment such as kitchens. Check your attitude and chips at the door before you walk through it. THIS IS A TEAM ENVIRONMENT AND NOT ONE MAN NOR WOMAN IS AN ISLAND! Even with my 30 odd years in the kitchen I do not DARE to presume that I know everything and that is that. If I did I would have never succeeded the way I have nor would I have made it in business. So stop your winge-ing (whining) about how you THINK others should be or act or do things and start to live with integrity by walking the talk. Only then will you notice that others will respect you and follow your lead. There is a saying: two ears, two eyes, one mouth; only by shutting the later does one start to truly learn.

Also, if you really have an issue with anyone in your workforce, you must first record the incidences, then approach and have a conversation with the offending individual; if the does not work then take your records and your complaint to your boss and have a conversation with them with the promise of a follow up conversation on what was done about the incidences. If you CHOOSE to NOT do this at all the you DO NOT have a right to complain. Again, it is all about integrity.

This all being said, I truly empathize about working in environments that are not positive however, like I said above, what you bring to the table is exactly what you will receive. Choose the positivity or get out of that space of negativity. Yup, soapbox moment over /img/vbsmilies/smilies/biggrin.gif

PS: I am a woman that in all my years of working in this type of environment have only had 1 incidence where I was treated unfairly because of my gender. Once I sat down with the offender and had a conversation like adults about the behaviour and treatment, we were able to see eye to eye and work well together. We were never friends but we both saw work as a priority and that is where we were able to get around our differences.


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