# Silliest Things...



## kalach (Aug 18, 2009)

Stupidest things heard/said/done in the kitchen..
Where I work I never cease to be amazed by some of the things I see and hear.
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*Whilst reducing berry coulis "Why don't you just thicken it with roux instead?", from the owner
*"How do I fold the pizza boxes?" -new cook
*"Can you get me the ingreadients for roux", I've done so only to be asked what the butter was for a moment later
*On a docket "Seafood Pizza - no seafood"
*The boss has seen me smelling some squid and said "Don't worry, it isn't going off, the smell is from the starch escaping"
*"This chicken is tough, dry and tastes strange", "chef, that's pork..."
*The boss has come up to me to tell me she washed/preped spinach for me "Um that's not spinach it's bok choy", "yeah they're the same thing"
*The place we buy bin liners from is closing down, the logical thing to do? Buy 8500 of course, yay we now have a seven year supply of garbage bags..
*Another docket "Mud cake - served very hot", so you want a bowl of hot chocolate soup yeah?
*And another docket "Chicken special - med rare" *sigh*
*"Which ocean do our capers come from?" -waitress
*"Maybe if we just leave the deep fryer on overnight?" One of the more common answers to fixing all the above..
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So anyone else seen some good ones? I can only hope most of you are spared this sort of thing, but do share if you're not that fortunate


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## just jim (Oct 18, 2007)

"How would you know, I cut them?" - after telling someone that what they claimed were sliced oranges were actually grapefruit.
"Is the chicken fried steak made with white meat or dark meat?"
"Can I have a different pasta in that dish? I'm allergic to penne".
"Your spinach is too green". - Food & Beverage Manager, after looking at a spinach dip.
"They'll have the lasagna, but without the cheddar" - waitress, after being told that the pre-baked pans of lasagna have 4 cheeses, one being a small amount of cheddar.

On a slightly different bent.....


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## ras1187 (Oct 3, 2006)

I love these

"Theres a problem with my Shrimp Cocktail, its cold"
"My lamb is overcooked!" Customer referring to the rack of lamb he ordered EXTRA-well done
"NY Strip Steak no mashed potatoes sub extra steak" - I stared at the waiter that put this in for a good 30 seconds before he realized it wasn't going to happen
"French Onion Soup, no onion"


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## shelta (Sep 16, 2009)

So how do you deal with the 'morons', oops I meant customers of course!...for instance the idiot who said the super well done lamb was overcooked. Do you replace the order with a 'smile', say no way, or what. Are we in the "customer is always right territory" or have things advanced to where so-called customers like that are told to bugger off and never come back.


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

Lets see

-"this steak is not cooked" from a diner who ordered a rare steak
- " this was so spicy I could barely eat it" from a diner who asked for double hot sauce and proceeded to tell me about it as I looked at the crust they left on their plate
(and all I wanted to do was be sarcastic, but I told her that if that happens again to send it back and we will make a new one)
- "over well eggs on the fly" -from a server who forgot to punch in an order, sorry but over well eggs cannot be done on the fly (we smile and nod alot when that happens)


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## coulis-o (Jan 23, 2010)

lol @ some of the above, let's see there's too many of them for me to think of ...


- "if the head chef can put fillet steak on a plate with a bone next to it and send it out as Venison ..."

- "this is how we got the White Rose Award for the best hotel in yorkshire, by cooking microwavable, frozen, pre-packed chicken satay noodles and pukka pies" 

- "why you making cous cous, it's supposed to be a pasta salad" 

- 'does anyone know what this oven timers for?' someone else: 'it's to tell you that the foods ready' "

- 'has anyone seen the tyhme?' someone else: 'yeah, it's half past three'

- 'does anyone know what the difference is between a blackberry and a bramble?' - 'yeah, blackberry's a phone and bramble's a fruit'

- 'the bechamel you made yesterday split' - 'no it didn't, that was just the melted butter i put on top of it to stop it forming a skin'

- 'i can see a dumb waiter from here' 

- 'the plates are meant to be ****ing hot, you're taking out hot food and you're supposed to be a waiter you should know this'

- 'this stuffing is the best i have ever tasted' - a vegetarian waitress to the head chef that made stuffing with beef stock

- waiter to head chef: "chef, could you please make sure the soup for sunday is not mushroom soup" 
head chef: "why is it someone you know who's booked in"
waiter: "yes"
head chef to me: "the soup for sunday is cream of mushroom soup"


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## rat (Mar 2, 2006)

I always liked the table of ten people which 1 person gets the 7 course tasting menu.

My personal favorite is-- excuse me, the cake with the marzipan carrots on the top, is that carrot cake?? Me- "es madame, the cake with the carrot garni is indeed carrot, you are quite the perceptive gourmand"


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## ras1187 (Oct 3, 2006)

These made me giggle uncontrollably.

@shelta - I've always had to make it right for the customer. I had to give a refund for the overcooked lamb, had to saute shrimp to make a warm shrimp cocktail, and have had to skim onions out of onion soup so that its just oniony-flavored beef broth. The things we do to make the customer happy.

I know I have a few more to add here, I'll put them when I think of them.

*edit* Just thought about one.

Order for 2 steaks, one medium, one well. The person that ordered the medium steak asked for some a-1 sauce. The person that got the well done steak cried out "THAT IS A SIN, PUTTING A-1 ON IT. DONT YOU KNOW HOW TO EAT STEAK???"


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

"ooooh, what's that ?!!!"
(me) "smoked salmon M'am"
"Oh...... Is it, does it, like, taste fishy?"
(with a straight face) "Well, a lot of people say it tastes a bit like chicken". 

The Chef overheard me on that one, and I got a tongue lashing. A few hours later I overheard him relating the incident to one of the owners, both were laughing.....


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## discgolfjoe (Jan 9, 2010)

I had a peice of over cooked chicken sitting off to the side of my grill. It was a step under chicken jerky and the owners wife walks by. Here's the conversation:

Owner's Wife: "What's that chicken doing there? Are you planning on eating that."
Me: "No, I dropped one too many, and I was keeping it there to see if I could sell it. My fault, I'm sorry."
OW: "Well, is there anything you can do to make it moist again? Like, throw it in the steamer maybe?"
Me: "No, that would just cook it more. It's dead. It's trash."
OW: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, there's nothing we can do with it."
OW: "Are you sure enough to be taking money out of my pocket?"
At this point, I'm doing everything I can not to say something about while she's bitching about 82 cents worth of chicken, the bartender is double pouring patron, and the server is taking the initiative to comp a meal without a manager's consent.
Me: "Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do with it."
OW: "Aren't you going to culinary school? And you can't even make chicken moist again?"
And I lose it.
Me: "Look, you're telling me to un-cook chicken. I can't do what's not physically possible. If I could, you'd be paying me a **** of a lot more." Then I pulled out a couple dollar bills out of my pocket. "Here, that's for the chicken."

That incident almost got me fired. I've grown up a bit, and I'm a little embarrassed about how I handled the situation, but I was busy, and she was standing way too close to me.

*Edit: Also, the oven timer joke made me laugh.
*Second Edit: So did the extra steak subbed for potatoes. I actually laughed out loud.


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## coulis-o (Jan 23, 2010)

"is horseradish sauce made from horses?" - a girl trainee-commis


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## xjmrufinix (Mar 16, 2009)

A former owner of mine once added a NY Strip special to the board without consulting me first. It was already on the menu at the same price with a choice of side, her "special" just came with steak fries. That was stupid enough, but when I found out about it mid-service and asked her what the **** she was thinking she said she thought they were called steak fries "because they go with steak". 

This lady also insisted I used Sweet Baby Ray's on our ribs, without doctoring it in any way, and then had the gall to write "Famous Homemade Barbecue Sauce" on the menu. An authentic southern barbecue joint was located less than one mile down the road. I was ashamed to walk out of that kitchen wearing my whites most days.


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

The answer is yes. Just watch their faces. Than pause, for just a moment, and tell the truth so they don't run away crying. Again, toying with new people is a tradition that really breaks the tension in a kitchen.


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## ras1187 (Oct 3, 2006)

I helped a student that I spent 90% of my classes and graduated with get a job where I'm at. I ask her one day to gather the ingredients for hollandaise as I needed to make an order on the fly (we don't feature it on the menu, but someone asked for it). She took an unusually long time but then returned with a big bowl. Inside are tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, peppers, and some garlic, but no eggs, butter, or lemon juice.

A cook for a very expensive downtown chicago restaurant made the mashed potatoes too liquidy. When told to "fix it" by the chef, he throws cornstarch in it and stirs it around, it thickens up. When the chef returns to taste the potatoes, he makes one of those gordon ramsay barf motions and orders the whole batch scrapped and redone by someone else.

As a parting gift from our former Executive Chef, he offered to clean and reorganize the cooler completely on his last day. He placed our raw poultry rack DIRECTLY next to our produce rack (they used tobe on opposite sides of the cooler). They weren't touching, but chicken and lettuce being 2 inches away from each other was a little too uncomfortable for the new chef, who ordered everything put back to where it originally was.

Our chef thought of a menu special for the day that included "braised root vegetables". When informed by our supervisor that our variety of root vegetables was not very plentiful, he ignored him and said "use whatever we have". He stopped the menu special from running when he saw the first plate come out with just celery and carrots.


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## bazza (Apr 2, 2007)

Customer > waiter "Do you cook your roast potatoes in the deep fat fryer, or are they done properly in the oven?"
Waiter>Customer "Hold on, I'll go and ask"

Customer>waitress "I have an allergy, are there any nuts in the syrup sponge pudding?"
Waitress>customer "Hold on, I'll go and ask"

Customer>waitress "Can you tell me what's in the chicken and mushroom risotto?"
Waitress>customer "Errm well it has some chicken and er mushrooms"
Customer>waitress "So what is the risotto part then?"
Waitress>customer "That will be rice madam, risotto is a rice dish"
Customer>waitress "OK I'll have the chicken and mushroom risotto without the rice please"

Im sure there are plenty more, just can't think of them at the mo....


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

9 year old niece who's just dined with Auntie at a really nice restaurant.....
we had piccolo fritto with "black licorce vegetable"....lightly batter and fry veg and they'll eat it.

flounder with buerre blanc.....as we get in the car she asks if flounder is Ariel's friend from the movie......


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## greyeaglem (Apr 17, 2006)

There's no end to it. We once had a waitress go to the bar and order a shrimp cocktail from the bartender. I was visiting the kitchen of a place I used to work at and was talking to one of the cooks about the salamander in the kitchen where I work now. Another employee overheard and said "I didn't know you could eat those". Before I could say anything, the other guy started running with it. "Oh yeah, they're really good. " (Me) "Well you have to be really careful because it's easy to over-cook salamanders." (Him) " What would you say they taste like, frog legs?" "Nah, more like chicken I think. Or maybe escargo." I looked over at the kitchen manager who was sitting at his desk and his whole back was shaking he was laughing so hard. That guy still thinks we serve reptiles. We never told him what a salamander is.


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## fryguy (Sep 2, 2009)

chef) - could you clarify this butter....

sous chef) -yup thats butter all right


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## treehugger057 (Mar 6, 2009)

Im so going to use this from now on.


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## theethical chef (Jan 29, 2010)

A cook that lasted for two weeks "Do we really need to mop the floor? it's just going to get dirty again tomorrow." & "Hey boss can I go smoke a cigarette" me "after these orders go out" him "oh man, can't you just send them out for me" & "Dang I hoped it wouldn't be busy" & "do you think the waitresses could come back and read the tickets to me" same cook after cutting himself to my then girlfriend now wife "I only cut myself to have your undivided attention"

A server that lasted a month rang in a side of mashed potatoes ($.95) sub cheesecake ($7) the cook pointed it out to me and asked if he should make it. same server "i'm hypo glocemic so I need to snack alot" terminated after three write ups for eating in my walk in


A client with alot of gaul asked me at a table visit with three tables in my dining room at 7:00 on a snowy friday night in December 08' "how is the economy treating you?"

Training a cook at a bbq after soaking wood coals with lighter fluid "now what do we do with them?" some things I guess they don't teach at culinary school.

after running a 25% food cost and 11% labor cost a former boss told me "we really need to start hammering down these cost" I gave my notice two weeks later. 

while interviewing for a job i ask "what kind of food cost do you run" the owner "why?"
me "well i would like to know what type of cost I am supposed to be running" the owner "well as long as we are making money it doesn't really matter."! 

At CIA after seeing chef Siebold cut half of his finger off with a ban saw doing a demo on breaking down a whole veal wrapping it up with tape and throwing a glove over was then giving another demo asks the class "what are we looking at here" pointing with a bloody hand my classmate says "your finger" this was the same classmate that accidentally bumped his back that caused the accident with the ban saw. 

I've seen people do alot of dumb things as well, so many I probably can't remember them all but that would be a funny forum as well.


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## a_mak (Aug 27, 2009)

I hear so many stupid things at work, from servers who enter an item months after it was discontinued to customers who don't know that seared ahi is raw in the center. But the ones that stand out to me are when we had a stir fry on the menu with optional chicken. And someone ordered the chicken blackened, which is idiotic enough. But then they sent it back because it was too spicy. Then there was the time our FOH manager called down to the kitchen and the food runner answered the phone. He asks us, "what's our dinner special tonight?" We say, "Grilled salmon steaks with mashed & veggies." Then he says, "What kind of steak is it?" And we all yell "SALMON STEAKS, YOU ****ING ****!!!"


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

I could go on for days about servers and their idiotic questions. In the top ten is one who asked, after serving a sesame crusted, torch charred yellow fin steak about 300 times in one week, "Why is this one raw in the middle?" The answer from our poissonier was, "Because it's 4 inches thick and seared with a torch just long enough to toast the sesame, you moron." It was even on the menu with a big red "Served Extra Raw" next to it.

Another was, again from a server, "What's in the minced pork and almond patties?" I responded, "Well, there's some pork and there's some almonds and there's some pork and some more almonds." He stared at me for a minute and said, "So it's just like it's written on the menu?" All I could muster was, "Please go away now." That makes a great sausage, by the way. The nuttieness of the almonds perfectly compliments the smokey sweetness and saltiness of the pork. Natural casing, chill over night to let it marry, roast, mangia.


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

I like the pork and almond combo... I am going to have to try making that myself!

Stupidest thing I have heard yet..

From a guy calling in to bail on his shift "I can't come in today because I don't know what happened but I thought it was tomorrow and I forgot I was working today." (guy was off the next day too) As annoying as it was, it has to be the lamest reason I have ever heard for missing work.


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## pembroke (Sep 26, 2009)

I've posted this before, but it's a gem. Walked into the kitchen and could smell food burning, the cook on duty, when asked why the food was burning told he was 'too busy to smell and hadn't noticed!' LOL!


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## alex1471 (Feb 1, 2010)

i had a chef working under me once and when i asked him to separate 4 eggs for me he proceeded to place the 1 egg in each corner of the kitchen. 
i thought he was joking, but no he really thought that was what i wanted him to do.


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## petemccracken (Sep 18, 2008)

Menu item: Seared Tuna Salad-Seared Tuna on Baby Greens with Citrus-Hazelnut Vinaigrette

Customer asks me (Chef/Owner): "How do you sear the tuna, do you take it out of the can?"


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## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

My ongoing line for all our problems at work currently is "Fire up the oven"
When the school semester started, our steam kettles were running funny; they'd short out, wouldn't get hot enough, or wouldn't work in any form or manner so our genius director instructed us to use the oven to make our soups...:thumb: sure thing, I'll get right on it and 4hours later they'll be done. It'll only be like 3hours late for service so no problems 
Genius also thought it would be a good idea to put more food out at less then 2hours from closing on a dead Friday.


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## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

Oh you want lame? 

"I can't come in, someone tried to abduct my father living in (insert country of origin" eace:


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## just jim (Oct 18, 2007)

Well, since we segued into call ins....

PM dishwasher: "I can't come in, I can't find my shoes".
We told the AM dishwasher he'd have to stay, unless he loaned the guy his shoes, which he readily agreed to. PM dishwasher comes in wearing some crappy shoes "oh, I found these".

Similar situation, PM dishwasher calls in: "I can't find my shirt".
Same thing, AM dishwasher was more than happy to loan his shirt so he could go home. This time, PM dishwasher actually showed up shirtless and wore the other guys stinky shirt.

PM dishwasher comes to the employee entrance with an unknown person. That person says: "Hi, I'm (PM dishwashers) friend and I'm only in town for one night, can he have the night off?" I said sorry, he's due on in ten minutes, if only you'd have asked earlier"
So the PM dishwasher goes to work. An hour later I get a call: "Hi, I'm stuck in (neighboring town) with (PM dishwasher), our car broke down, he can't come in tonight". I said "oh really, can you explain then how he's been washing dishes for an hour?". CLICK. 
Idiot had set up an alibi and forgot to cancel it.

My favorite come from a friend. He had an On-Call dishwasher, and his regular dishwasher called in sick. So he calls the on call person and his room mate answers.
Room mate: "Oh, he's alseep in the tree out back and that's too far for me to walk, but when he wakes up and comes in from the tree I'll give him your message".
That's so bizarre it would almost _*have*_ to be true, wouldn't it?


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

I hope you response was something like, good thing I'm too busy to fire anyone right now.


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## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

Cashiers see me prepping a fruit salad and thinks to hand me a bunch of over ripe 80% black bananas asking "Can you use?" and before I can answer, its on my freaking cutting board and they've got their backs turned. 

Client requested a "Chicken & Rotini" pasta salad. They received it with a weird look on their face and asked "Oh, its not a sandwich?" 

We stopped serving pork at our hot food section for this reason "Oh I don't eat pork so I'll have a pepperoni pizza" (which btw contains pork)

And this one is a classic. I was working the woks in the Chinese food section. I put out a Beef stir-fry with signage. I get a customer asking "What kind of meat? Chicken? Pork? Fish?" I answered beef to each, I was tempted to just say cat and see their response. I ended up not making the sale because I "didn't answer her question".


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

The best call out I ever got was, "Going to be late. Chicken got loose. Tell you later. Bye."

Turns out the guy bought a chicken at the farmer's market and, when asked if he wanted it slaughtered and cleaned, he declined, thinking that the guy meant or just slaughtered and you clean it. Gets home, opens the box, _*surprise*_! Live chicken in the kitchen. That would have been hilarious to see.


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

That's sort of like, "I'm a vegetarian. I only eat fish." No, you're just picky. Shut up and order the roasted salmon before you say something else that's stupid. I really used to hear that a lot.


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## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

We serve people from many different nationalities, some are to ignorant to bother asking so I never bother telling. I don't know by looking at you if your a non-pork eating Muslim and that is not for me to know.


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

My thoughts exactly.

On another topic all together:

I just got an email asking for a reference for a former Commis of mine asking if I thought he could handle the stress of a Sous Chef position in a major hotel. I'm beside myself with pride in the young man.


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## pembroke (Sep 26, 2009)

Two years ago we had a militant vegan student who refused to sit on a leather chair, or next to anyone eating meat- what a twat! Needless to say he self-catered after that!


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

Sit him in the corner, in an uncomfortable bamboo chair, by himself. He's already self alienating by refusing to sit next to anyone eating meat.


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## kalach (Aug 18, 2009)

So most of the dishes on our menu we also offer as take-aways. 
Our 'dessert special' we did tonight was creme brulee, sure enough it wasn't long before one of the waitstaff put thorough an order for one as a take-away... Um ok, are we charging them extra for the ramekin or would they like me to try to take it out put it into a take away container then crystalize the top? Lol


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## theethical chef (Jan 29, 2010)

I've also had the creme brulee to go before also others from customers "my orange sorbet is frozen", "I know it says one lobster/ person but can I have two", 
"Can you make me an omelet with no egg?" "Is that bacon pork", "Can I get your buttermilk pancakes with extra milk on the side instead of butter & milk".


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## pembroke (Sep 26, 2009)

I heard one of my chefs telling the waitstaff that his curry contained dairy products.

When I questioned this he told me he had used coconut milk...20 minutes later I had a picture attached to the kitchen wall of his head impossed on the body of a cow with the title 'Shanes coconut cow' underneath.

He wasn't allowed to take it down until the end of his shift; it's great what you can do with MS Publisher, a little creativity and the help of the village idiot! :smoking:

p.s. he is a good lad, but come on.........!:suprise:


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## duckfat (Aug 7, 2008)

The funniest thing for me was years ago in a large kitchen working under a CMC. He had hired an assistant for me that was new to professional kitchens. After the first week or so I realized I had to train him to sharpen his knife. Enamored with this new found skill he thought it was very cool to sharpen his knife and wipe the swarf off the blade on his checks.....or maybe I should say cheeks because indeed he would wipe his knife on his arse.
I warned him over and over that if he kept doing it one day he was going to cut himself. 
Not long after that he got his knife nice and sharp and did his zoro impression on his rear and sliced his cheek from top to bottom. Now you have to get a visual of this guy grabbing his bum and hopping around squealing with 30 people coming from all ends of the kitchen to have a look. I have never seen a kitchen come to such a complete halt with every one laughing so hard.
Never saw him again. :lol:


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## kalach (Aug 18, 2009)

Lol I used to do that DF, but on my teatowel that hangs on my apron. Yeah I stopped doing that after slicing through the towel, apron, and pants and stopping just short of my leg..


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

Duck Fat that is just too funny! I wonder if he had to get stitches... I bet if he did the medical staff had as good a laugh as you guys did! I laughed out loud at that and now my daughter thinks I'm crazy!.


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

Almost filleted my fingerprints off doing that once. I can't imagine trying to do it on my pants.


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## ras1187 (Oct 3, 2006)

Was the knife sanitized properly afterward?


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

This isn't really stupid, just mundane and frustrating:

(me):" Did you clean down the table properly like I told you?"

"Yes, sanitized like you told me"
"But did you CLEAN it?"
"Yeah sure I cleaned it, but I sanitized it too''
"Well, now you take your left hand and pat your right shoulder"
"huh?"
"You sanitized the cucumber seeds, the carrot peels and especially those &*(%-ing little fruit stickers. Now go clean them off......"


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## duckfat (Aug 7, 2008)

Oh yea. He needed stitches. AFAIK he never even came back to get his check.


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

Maybe the memory of the kitchen was too painful for him...

I can only imagine what the staff in the emergency room were thinking when they saw him!


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

mundane, frustrating, and stupid...

I watched someone wipe the floor with her choth THEN wipe her table. I asked her what she was doing, and she just said "huh?". I walked over, took the cloth and threw it in the trash and she just stood there staring at me like I was crazy. She really didn't know she had done it. Imagine what she does at home?


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## caveman (Jan 2, 2010)

pantry wants to get some hours on the hot line. know how to make chicken francaise?, "yeah, you just bake the chicken and put the sauce on it".


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

Guy putting away an order and is doing it only because he was told to and took over an hour and a half to put it away (guy thinks putting stuff away is beneath him) so... he makes a huge deal over using six containers of yougurt that were dated for that day but does not rotate the milk or fresh OJ... wtf was he thinking???


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## greyeaglem (Apr 17, 2006)

I once slashed my butt wide open on a piece of glass while riding in the back of a pick up. They thought I was joking when I told them to stop, and once everyone saw the cut they nagged me to go get stitches. No way. I'll bleed to death before I go to the e-room and explain how this happened. Not that they haven't seen it all. I once had a room mate that worked in the e-room who woke me up at 7:00 am (sacrilege) laughing so hard she could hardly talk to tell me they had a guy come in with a vacuum cleaner stuck to his crotch. She said everyone who went in the room to help him had to ditch because they couldn't stop laughing long enough to do anything.


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

My mom was an ER nurse and she saw the vacuum cleaner thing too.. and this was back in the 1960s! Apparently word hasn't gotten out that it gets sticky after a while??:crazy:


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

Had a good one today..

Some idiot (aka me) ordered too many bananas for the weekend thinking we'd be busy so on Thursday we now have 1/3 of a case of spotty bananas. Same idiot did that with strawberries too but fixed it by using them up for cocktails. 

So slow morning... line cook comes to me as I am doing inventory in the back and says.. what do you want done now in earshot of the soon to be guy I used to work with.. .I say, why not cook up the shrooms we have in the walk in and we can portion them and do more tomorrow... so he goes off and starts on the shrooms

Guy goes over to him and tells him not to do the shrooms but to peel and freeze the spotty bananas and when I heard that I went into the kitchen and said NO do NOT. We will use them in cocktails. Guy tries to go over me and tell me the KM wanted it done and I said fine... I'll take the hit and remind him of our last frozen banana experience which resulted in throwing them out. We are going to use them today and whatever we have left will become the base for tomorrow's cocktail. 

Guy goes... people are going to get sick from eating spotty bananas...

Interesting... never heard that one before..


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## just jim (Oct 18, 2007)

Leeniek, you mean to tell me you didn't know you could get sick from spotty bananas?
It's called spotted yellow fever.
Luckily, freezing the bananas kills the bacteria, before or after ingestion.

Whenever we ran long on bananas we'd roast them, then peel, and freeze the pulp and juices for later baking.


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

Spotted yellow fever huh, Jim? Well I must be immune as my mom fed me spotty bananas when I was growing up... but that tick bite that causes it is really something to be avoided.. HA HA... and I bet if I told GUY about spotted fever he would go nuts.. LMAO he is that clueless I am finding...

We can't use them in baking so we have to use them fresh..so it is banana something cocktail with them tomorrow and I've reduced them to I think four or five small bunches as opposed to the amount we had earlier today..


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

I have to say that we might just try roasting them if we run into a surplus again.. I am sure we could use them in soups and maybe some sauces for the daily specials...


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

Good trick for brown bananas:

Peel and freeze, as you have already done, and use them for banana custard, ice cream, or pudding. When they freeze and thaw, they get all mushy, making them ideal candidates for mashing into deserts.


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## left4bread (May 8, 2009)

Anyhow,

Server: What kind of meat is in the hamburger?
Me: Ground Beef
Server: okay, but what kind of beef? Cow, Chicken, Pork...?
Me : Ground Beef...?
...

After listing the ingredients to the quiche, someone had the audacity to ask for a slice 'without bell pepper'. Okay, let me pull that out for you. not.


Ground beef...?


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

I saw one of the cooks wipe his knife on his rear and all I could think of was Duck Fat's story... I did tell him to always use a towel and not his body parts when he's wiping his knife because I have heard of people seriously cutting themselves doing just what he did. He looked surprised and I said yeah apparently the knife slipped on them... next time I saw him wiping his knife he had a towel and was doing it properly.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Small thing, really, but pretty typical. I had one of the kids who's worked for me for almost a year and a half scrub potatoes and wrap them in foil for a catering job tomorrow. I told her how many guests we have, but didn't mention that the potatoes should be rather uniform in size. When she had finished all of them, I noticed that some were smaller then my fist and some were almost as big as my foot.

Sigh. Just sigh......:beer:


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## a_mak (Aug 27, 2009)

This happened the day before yesterday.  I was walking in the corridor past our employee dining room where their dishroom is and I saw an empty container marked "Waldo Salad."  That made me laugh.


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## ed buchanan (May 29, 2006)

I like them
Here is another, I bought  a variety of salads at local Publix Market, last minute surprise guest. Got them home ,chicken salad was bad. Took back the next day /went to service desk/ waited till no customers around ,and told girl it was bad. She asked me how I Knew it was no good .I looked at her and said, the guest I had, ate it and died at the table. She turned colors and went into the back room.


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## gunnar (Apr 3, 2008)

ED BUCHANAN said:


> ........I looked at her and said, the guest I had, ate it and died at the table. She turned colors and went into the back room.


Bwaha haaaa...I do that to telemarketers.


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

A_mak said:


> This happened the day before yesterday. I was walking in the corridor past our employee dining room where their dishroom is and I saw an empty container marked "Waldo Salad." That made me laugh.


I have to admit, that made me spit Guinness.


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## theob (Feb 24, 2010)

It was my day to run the restaurant kitchen at the school I go to, and the person I assigned to bread seemed a little hesitant and unsure of himself. I reassured him, and told him as long as he doubled the recipe infront of him, and followed it, it would turn out fine. No worried. I go to other stations, and everyone seems to be doing fairly well, although the food order was missing a few things and I had a fair bit of running around to do to get the missing items.

By the time I finish my running around and get back, I see him working away at his dough, with beside him... A friend's pet project that was in the fridge across the kitchen.... a sourdough starter. I have no idea how guy who where it was or even that it was yeast-like, because he seemed to not know it WASN'T baker's yeast.

That batch had to be scrapped. It was like 80 grams of sourdough culture in something like 3kg of dough. It made my head hurt.


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## chefinchina (Mar 5, 2010)

"Chef, I was boiling the water for pasta like you asked me to, but when I came back from lunch, it had all disappeared."

"Chef, did you know that they make instant mashed potatoes?"

Chef, why do we have to put salt & pepper into EVERYTHING??!?


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## moreton (Mar 9, 2010)

We had a commis in our kitchen and we gave him a lobster to cook - i said " these are special blue lobsters they are very expensive, I want you to cook it for eight minutes, remember it is a blue lobster if it starts turning red you need to take two metel spoons and start hitting the side of the pan as hard as you can, it must stay blue to retain it's expensive value" 

As i walked to my office the sound of frantic banging got loader - pour lad


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

chefinchina said:


> "Chef, I was boiling the water for pasta like you asked me to, but when I came back from lunch, it had all disappeared."
> 
> "Chef, did you know that they make instant mashed potatoes?"
> 
> Chef, why do we have to put salt & pepper into EVERYTHING??!?


1: Facepalm.
2:"Yes. _*They*_ do, but *we* don't."
3:"Because everything needs it."


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

I almost had a young, and very green, culinary student reaching into a steamer before I explained that it was a joke when I told him to steam the clams open but don't let any of the juice run out or the ensuing sauce would be ruined.


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## rat (Mar 2, 2006)

I had once a waitress ask what du jour was. As in soup du jour.


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## chefinchina (Mar 5, 2010)

Line Cook: "Chef, why do I have to season both sides of the fish?"
Me: "Because the guest will not only be eating one side of the fish." /img/vbsmilies/smilies/laser.gif

another Line Cook: "Chef, after the Lobsters swim and get clean in the boiling water, how do we kill and cook them?" /img/vbsmilies/smilies/confused.gif

and most recently from right here in China -

(Chinese) Customer to Waitress: "Please send this salad back to the kitchen, the bread (croutons) on top of it are crunchy."
Waitress to me & my Chinese Sous: "Chef, the customer doesn't want this bread on her salad, she says it is crunchy."
As I explained to the waitress, and ultimately my guest, what a crouton is, my sous chef went into the cold kitchen and fell on the floor laughing. /img/vbsmilies/smilies/rollsmile.gif


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## Guest (Apr 27, 2010)

"Steak - Half Rare, Half Well Done"


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## titomike (May 20, 2009)

That would be the first w/d order that actually requires a deep fryer....suspend & dip!/img/vbsmilies/smilies/lever.gif


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## missmeganmouse (Apr 1, 2010)

Restaurant patrons
"OK, so the guy at 61 wants his tenderloin rare but closer to medium and no blood" "so mid rare?" "I asked him that and he said _NO,_ _Rare but closer to medium and no blood_"

the FOH manager "this lady says that this lava cake is under cooked can you re make it?"
"Its supposed to be under cooked, that's the whole point" "grrr"

on a chit 
"Burger 
MOD ONLY allergy to tomato's sub Relish with Ketchup" On a side note WHY do people lie about allergy's? If you dint like tomato's I'm OK with that. or the "I'm allergic to fish except salmon"

"Ribs
MOD ONLY can you fry them hes a trucker 'nuff said"

Servers
"is there dairy in the cheese cake?" _"no, no dairy in our CHEESE cake..._ that one brings new meaning the term Lactarded"

"whats Parmagono?" "uhhh cheese.." "I wasn't sure so to be safe the gentle men at 24 asked to hold the Parmagono, and sub it with parmagon?" "uhhh sure" the rest of the line is trying not to laugh

Server "can I get extra chili oil?" 
Me"it's a garnish but if you want it spicy I can add some sambal" 
Server "no I just want chili oil" 
Me"Its actually pretty much food colouring is just to make the plate look nice." 
Server"But I like it spicy"

Me "OK chili oil It is than..." _Twenty minutes late_r "spicy enough for you?"

Server"i think you put in too much chili oil"

I really don't bother arguing with them any more, for some of them there is no hope. Ive had my moments too


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## missmeganmouse (Apr 1, 2010)

AHHHH I forgot 

"Lamb shank
MOD ONLY Split order" 

Me "MANDY to the line please! I cant split it"
Server "its for too older ladies I said we can split it, I know its against policy but.." 
Me "no no no I literally cant split it"
Server "come on Why not?"
Me "well for starters Its atached to a bone..."


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