# Completely burnt out



## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

So a very serious question. I know I come on here and make smart ass comments sometime. But understand I respect all of you as fellow chefs. Who has been completely burnt out of the chef life and how did you change it. 

I'm 38 been cooking since I was 14, graduated from Culinary school when I was 20. Worked in Fine dining until 28. Have spent the last 10 years bouncing around on yachts, ski resorts, islands, lodges, ect. I've spent the last 10 years mostly working on yachts in the Caribbean.

I've been very fortunate in my life and have traveled to some unreal places. I have worked a lot of seasonal jobs in the last 8 years. I work hard, save money and take an average of 4 months off a year. Go to cheap places like SE asia, Indo, phillipines, D.R., South Pacific, South America ect and chill at the beach.

I'm going on 13 years living outside of the US, 3rd world countries and islands. As a yacht chef when you work, you work and live where you work. The cooking never ends. I have 8 crew and usually 10 guests to cook for all day every day. 

I took my first full time private yacht job 7 months ago. I've been to over 13 countries and islands in the last 10 months. Provisioning can be a nightmare.

So now for the real part. In the last 3 months I find my self not giving a shit. When everything used to get made from 100% scratch I find myself using packets, boullion instead of scratch stock and salad dressing from jars, ect. Instead of getting up super early for a yacht chefs 15 hour day, I'm baking cinnamon muffins from a tin for an extra hour of sleep.

I'm beginning to despise food, I only usually eat one meal a day. Sometimes I'll go a day or 2 without eating. I haven't sat down for lunch in 4 months. I'm drinking my rum dinner every night and its getting out of control. I spent 4 months on vacation in Mexico and all over South America this year and didn't eat at one fine dining restaurant. I only go out to eat at a restaurant if a girl is involved. I'm at a weird place in a weird situation.

The yacht is getting maintaince done for the next 3 months, my job is pretty easy only cooking lunch and dinner for 8 crew. I have other personal ex girl issues coming back to where I grew up to add to the stress. I am basically done, single, have money in the bank and tired. I was drinking yesterday at work and the 1st mate called me out on it. I turned around, walked up to the bridge, and gave the captain my one month resignation( normal in yachting). This boat has been through a lot of chefs and the owners wife really likes me and my cooking. So he basically told me I can't quit. The job is cool, great money, tips/ bonuses, health insurance, one month paid vacation. That's why I think I'm losing it. One comment and 30 seconds later I was quitting a good job. I've been pushing every boundry but can't get fired. In a weird way I wish they would fire me, I'll grab my kite gear and be on the next plane to the D.R. Most chefs are slightly crazy. For the first time in my life, I'm starting to realize I'm officially crazy!


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

I have had a somewhat similar lifestyle chefwise and I used time off to recharge my batteries and achieve balance. I also spent years working in environments where I changed menus on a weekly basis, doing cuisines from all around the world. This helped keep things fresh and intriguing for me.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

I hear you, I'm lucky and realize that I have opportunities that a lot of chefs don't have. Especially on a yacht catching fresh fish and lobster. Since I meet the boat last march. Costa Rica, Panama, Grand Cayman, Cuba, Dominican Republic, U.S.V.I, B.V.I's, Turks and Caicos, and the Bahamas and now Florida where I grew up. I have no bills and no ties so you can save money. Don't want to come across as a spoiled complainer. 

Something strange has just changed in my head where I'm tired and don't care. It's not fair to the guests or crew. The drinking habit over the last 10 years of being in the Caribbean doesn't help. That what makes me think I'm losing it because the boat is going to the med for the summer. Private only, I like Europe and its a chefs dream. But one bad morning and one comment from a new cocky ass crew member, in 30 seconds I walk up stairs and give my resignation??? It seems the older I get the less I care about work. I have a good reputation in yachting. I have turned down 8 job offers in the last 6 months all by word of mouth. That does have something to do with how little I care about what ever job I have on a yacht. I have a strong work ethic and never screw people over. But the second you give me shit or rub me the wrong way, you are getting my notice with a handshake and a smile. Having no wife, no kids, no house/ apartment, and everything I own can fit in the back of a truck makes it very easy to walk away. And rent a dirt cheap apartment on a beach somewhere with cold beer and tan girls.


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## pete (Oct 7, 2001)

It sounds like a job most of us only dream about, but burn out is burn out, and any job, no matter how glamorous it seems from the outside, can be a source of burn out. Often times, burn out happens because our job is fulfilling us in the ways we need, so I think the first thing to think about is what bothers you about your current situation. Maybe you are just tired of cooking, and dealing with food, or maybe, because of your lifestyle, you are sacrificing things that are more important to you than you realize. Either way, the first step is to sit down, by yourself, do some serious soul searching, and decide what is important to you. Who cares if others think you have the coolest job in the world, that shouldn't even play a part in it, nor should you feel compelled to stay at job, that you are unhappy at, just because you feel that it should make you happy.


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

You remind me of a couple I know. They were from different parts of the world, met in an exotic locale, got married but traveled as often as they could all over the world and for long periods of time. Then they had a child and as the saying goes, life just got real. They had to cut way down on travel and raise the kid. 
The marriage counselor they ended up going to pointed out that for the first years of their marriage they had distractions through traveling. With the child they were forced to stay in one place, face up to learning about each other but most importantly learn about themselves. They couldn't do it and ended up divorcing. 
In your case, I don't know what all the travel is helping you avoid but I think a clue is found in your statement, 


hookedcook said:


> But the second you give me shit or rub me the wrong way, you are getting my notice with a handshake and a smile.


A friend once told me that life keeps handing you the same lesson over and over until you learn it. Because you are a cook and clearly know your stuff, I don't think the lesson here has anything to do with cooking. 
That cheap apartment on the beach with cold beer and tan girls sounds like either a great vacation or a great excuse to avoid something. I'll leave the analysis up to you.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks. Sounds like I need a psychologist and an AA meeting!! At this point I'm not sure I can function in civilized Western Society. Eventually habits and behaviors make you the person who you are. 

Yachting is an escape and an easy way to avoid normal life and responsibilities. I have almost zero bills, have never owned a smart phone, haven't had a real girlfriend or bought a girl a single gift in 10 years, someone does my laundry and folds my clothes daily, get paid well have zero debt and haven't worried a single minute about money or bills in the last 15 years, travel around the world and do cool shit.

The last 10 months of my life. Rented an apartment in Mexico for 2 months. Did 3 days of subermisible cage diving with Great White sharks 150 miles off the coast on Guadolupe, kiteboarded, swam with wild sea lions and hiked machu picchu in Peru, stayed in a hut in the Amazon Rainforest caught piranhas and took a 12 hour boat ride into Colombia, stayed in Cartagena for a couple of weeks, went kiteboarding in Northern Brazil, spent a couple of weeks in Rio on Impania, went hang gliding, spent a month in Panama taking the yacht through the panama canal, caught some big fish along the way, a month exploring Cuba, kiteboarded in the DR, other islands. Got back to Florida last week, bought a triumph racebike and am taking it to do some track days this weekend. Not bragging but just giving you an idea of my life. This is a pretty normal year for me.

I just feel tired now and am getting to a point where I choose to try and quit drinking and living the fast empty life. Maybe try for a wife and kid?? Or I say fu#k it. Take my savings. Move somewhere like the phillipines and waste my life away living like a bad jimmy buffet song?? The sad thing is I'm having a tough time choosing which one


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

For all of that great activity, I have yet to hear a mention of family or friends.


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## brianshaw (Dec 18, 2010)

hookedcook said:


> (snip)
> I just feel tired now and am getting to a point where I choose to try and quit drinking and living the fast empty life. Maybe try for a wife and kid?? Or I say fu#k it. Take my savings. Move somewhere like the phillipines and waste my life away living like a bad jimmy buffet song?? The sad thing is I'm having a tough time choosing which one


Why not do both. A friend of mine just did. He retired (not voluntarily) from his second career and is settling down in the PI with his fifth (or soon-to-be sixth) wife. At his age there are no kids in his household and won't be any... but I highly recommend kids since they really enhance one's perspective on life. He speaks very highly of both PI and the ability to live the good life there very affordably.


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## peachcreek (Sep 21, 2001)

My advice? Figure out a way to shut up your intellectual mind. And listen to your heart. You already know the answers to your own questions. The deal is~ are you wanting to listen.
Are you up for it?
Bravery isn't the act. Its the choice.


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## foodpump (Oct 10, 2005)

Interesting post...

You got one heckuva comfort zone, even your vacations are deeply imbedded in your comfort zone.

So why are you cooking out of pouches, packets, and cans?
Humans always rise up to challanges. You can do this constructively ie: spending effort to sorce the best stuff, effort to use the best techniques, effort to use the best plating, and then tommorow you kick it up one more notch.
Or, you can challenge yourself to do the least amount of work without ant complaints. Cook out of a pouch and the owners wife still loves you. Kick it up a notch and cook out of a pouch when you're sh*tfaced and see if no one complains.

Whstchyaneed is...
To get out of your comfort zone. 
Lating


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## drirene (Dec 30, 2015)

I am a psychologist.

You are tired. Get a physical to rule out or treat medical issues.
You are likely depressed. Depression makes you tired and we drink to self-medicate. But drinking makes it worse. Booze first stimulates, then depresses you. It takes you down. It can take a long time, but it will take you down.
Get professional help.
You are docked for 3 months. This is a great recovery opportunity! Use it. Now. Don't waste your time.
You are worth it.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks, I actually made a doctors appointment today. I avoid doctors like other real life things. I'm 38 and can count on one hand how many real doctors I have been to in the last 20 years. They only come for surgery or by ambulance. I don't even know what blood type I am. I've got physicals for my captains license but its a paid doctor that only does that. He asks you if you have any medical issues? No, o.k, 5 minutes, here's your paper and you owe me 150 bucks. I've got some serious circulation issues in my feet and legs from standing in one spot barefoot for 15 hours a day.

Not sure about depression. White people (I'm white) tend to make up/ label conditions and diseases that only seem to effect rich white people. Kind of like food allergies and gluten intolerance. *Trust me as a yacht chef on that one!!!!* I don't know if I have a condition or more just a rough patch right now. Everybody in the world gets happy, sad, angry, frustrated, feels love and hate. It's called emotions, its normal. But I do completely understand that the alcohol is not what's best for my mind or body. While it can temporary make me happy and forget life, It's a bad bandaid. When the buzz is gone you feel like shit, physically and mentally


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## drirene (Dec 30, 2015)

Did you realize that alcohol can cause depression? Along with what sounds like poor nutrition, loss of interest, Circulation issues.Ouch! And lets not forget burn out. You may need a break. And you're right. Everybody catches something, some time.
Tell the doc you've been very tired, taking shortcuts. Tell your doc about the drinking and your loss of interest in things. Tell your doc how little you are eating. And make sure to tell your doc about your feet.
Keep in mind that fatigue, loss of interest, drinking, not eating much are often signs of depression. Paradoxically, you don't have to feel depressed to be depressed!
And make sure your appointment is with a doc who cares, not one who is burnt out himself...
Wishing you love.


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## phaedrus (Dec 23, 2004)

Try not drinking for a month. Best case you'll feel better about life in which case, you'll have an answer. Worst case you'll have bad PAWS or even DTs, and that will give you another answer. When everything in your life is awesome and you're still miserable the problem is probably you.


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## chefbuba (Feb 17, 2010)

Get yourself some compression stockings, your feet and legs will feel better. I have been wearing them for years. I also have circulation issues along with severe neuropathy caused from diabetes. I can't work any longer at 56. Get yourself fixed up now and drop the bottle or you will be FUBAR in a few years.


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## flipflopgirl (Jun 27, 2012)

Swollen legs can be a symptom of congestive heart failure....
Go see a real doctor (I suggest an internist in Florida) and get it sorted out.

mimi


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

drirene said:


> Did you realize that alcohol can cause depression? Along with what sounds like poor nutrition, loss of interest, Circulation issues.Ouch! And lets not forget burn out. You may need a break. And you're right. Everybody catches something, some time.
> Tell the doc you've been very tired, taking shortcuts. Tell your doc about the drinking and your loss of interest in things. Tell your doc how little you are eating. And make sure to tell your doc about your feet.
> Keep in mind that fatigue, loss of interest, drinking, not eating much are often signs of depression. Paradoxically, you don't have to feel depressed to be depressed!
> And make sure your appointment is with a doc who cares, not one who is burnt out himself...
> Wishing you love.


Thanks again, I figure as a chef I'll get real advice here compared to other places on the internet


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

phaedrus said:


> Try not drinking for a month. Best case you'll feel better about life in which case, you'll have an answer. Worst case you'll have bad PAWS or even DTs, and that will give you another answer. When everything in your life is awesome and you're still miserable the problem is probably you.


I can do it for a month, when I was young it was when I did something stupid. Now when I'm older I'll stop when I look in the mirror and don't like who I see. But after what ever time I set, its on again With all my talking, physically, I'm pretty athletic still. 5'11 and 180 # I burned my foot(no shoes) really bad about 20 years ago. There is crazy vericous veins and if I stand for 15+ hour yacht chef days to many weeks in a row I can see and actually feel the blood pooling. I'll go in my cabin for 20 minutes twice a day, elevate it over my head and massage it till the blood starts flowing. Growing up and living on the ocean still diving, kiteboarding, fishing( not really a sport), surfing some. I used to be a semi- pro motorcycle racer in my early to mid 20s. I was at the gym 5 days a week. Best physical and mental time in my life. Just bought a racebike (on the internet, LOL!!!!) an it arrived yesterday. Going back to do some track days after 10 years and see my family this weekend. Hope that its a start to bring my mind back in the right place. Hard to think about anything else when you are going 140 + on a race track. Once again, I don't want to waste anybody's time on a chefs forum and seem like a complainer. Chefs are a rare breed to deal with that life, and as a solo yacht chef I don't know many other chefs


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## mgm0 (Nov 27, 2012)

When you share happiness it is multiplied, but when you share misery it is halved. At least that is how i justify my love of complaining to myself. I am not sure where I took it from but must have been some book, pretty sure it was a Doc Smith novel though. The point being get it out, bottled up it will explode.

Anyway me not good at pep talks but if you are ever around Hong Kong send a message for a beer and some complaining(or milk tea as the case may be).
And if all else fails try this.







never fails, promise.


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## chefbillyb (Feb 8, 2009)

I think all chefs love a challenge and loved when their career was in the building stages. The years of working and seeing the results of their hard work. Nothing in this business is easy, you earn everything you get. This is why we feel a big sense of accomplishment mastering each level in the the industry. During this time we dream of the day when things slow down and we have a easy gig. It's like a mountain climber climbing a mountain. You work hard over the years to learn how to climb the mountain and you climb smaller mountains to keep you perfecting your skills. Once you have learn everything, you set out to climb the big mountain. You enjoy the climb, get to the top and scream at the top of your lungs, I made it!. What's left! The climb down? I think your in the position that you aren't challenged. You have the glory of the perfect job and one ones watching. 
It's time to get a new position that challenges you again. I think you will look back at this job and realize it may fit into your life at a later date. Right now you need more. You need the challenge and excitement a chef position offers.Tell your boss you need to get reenergized. See if you could work out a deal to return someday.......Good luck.......ChefBillyB


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks Billy. I hear what you are saying. This business is hard though because the word "challenge" or taking on a new job as a chef on land usually involves ridiculous hours and basically giving up your life for a job. I've taken over a kitchen nightmare before. I've worked for martyr chefs that give everything to the restaurant and get little in return. That's why I got into yachting. I appreciate what being a chef has given me and if you have read my past posts cooking is only a job for me. Nothing more, nothing less. Tell me what you like, I'll make it for you the best way I know how. There is a great satisfaction of pleasing people and as a yacht chef its on a much more personal level than a restaurant.(Sometimes good, sometimes bad). But I have seen chefs and their jobs drive them to divorce, addiction, bankruptcy, grey hair, ulcers, heart attacks, suicide, ect. The restaurant I took over running in the South Pacific. The previous chef went to the beach, swam out into the ocean and never came back, he left a note with his clothes on the beach. I was only told that after a month of being there!!! After 2 months I was starting to understand why he did what he did!!! (just joking)


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## icanburnanythin (Jun 24, 2017)

GL.. I feel the same way. Just with a shittier view. I've come to hate my job, the ppl I work with suck. BUT I still like cooking I guess. It's what I do. I'll do it until I can't. 6 more months and I'm leaving this gig. I'm basically giving them a year. 

But I suck too. The system we all fall under eats at me daily. Drives me insane. My life feels like im in prison. 

Hope u find an answer. I have mine, i just can't open the cell door. Not because I don't want to..... Family is first.....


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## jimyra (Jun 23, 2015)

Hope you are not on a yacht in the Caribbean today. Stay safe we heard there is a storm out there.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

jimyra said:


> Hope you are not on a yacht in the Caribbean today. Stay safe we heard there is a storm out there.


On the yacht in Ft. Lauderdale. We took it out of the water and are going dead ship at noon. Gave away about 2 grand of meat and seafood yesterday. This one should be a fun one


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

Starting to lose it. After 10 years in the Caribbean and 3rd world countries, I'm lost being in the States. The constant barrage of the media trying to sell you useless shit you don't need. Having insurance for everything. The news of hyping everything up just to make a headline?? I really don't know if I can last the next 3 months here.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

hookedcook said:


> I really don't know if I can last the next 3 months here.


The key for me, is to not let the outside world dictate the inner me.


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## drirene (Dec 30, 2015)

cheflayne said:


> The key for me, is to not let the outside world dictate the inner me.


Good Stuff cheflayne. You are directing your mind (which is something you CAN control) not to worry about the outside stuff (that you CAN'T control.)

Some people do that naturally, others have to learn how to do it. Lots of ways to get there, "there" being relative peace of mind. The opposite of losing it.

Hooked, did you get a real medical exam yet? How bout phaedrus' excellent idea of quitting booze for a month. AA too. How about focusing on this constructive stuff while you are grounded - and these are things that you CAN control.


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## mgm0 (Nov 27, 2012)

For me building something does the trick when i wanna get my mind of something. Made a pizza oven from scratch last time, it looks like one at least. However it did clear my mind of distracting thoughts for a while and when stuff came back, somehow things made more sense the second time around.


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## 99Knives (Apr 21, 2019)

Hey bro, been a chef on yachts for the last 7 years and understand where you coming from. Good at my job and get paid well to travel and all the rest of it. The difference for my story is that i did most of the time with my girlfriend then we left and got married. tried Shore side its rubbish, you get done over for very little money and ridiculous hours. I still fly out and cook for guests 4 weeks here , 3 months there etc turn up do a great job but feels like empty victory and just over it. do the hours and take the cash and go back home. Not sure where to head shore side as going back to restaurants and hotels is bullocks but also dont want to spend long periods of time away from wife. Cant see my self on boats cant see my self off boats money wise either way getting sick of cooking and unsure of alternatives. Would be interested to see how you are now as this post is quite old, and feel like im in similar position.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

I'm good, sti


99Knives said:


> Hey bro, been a chef on yachts for the last 7 years and understand where you coming from. Good at my job and get paid well to travel and all the rest of it. The difference for my story is that i did most of the time with my girlfriend then we left and got married. tried Shore side its rubbish, you get done over for very little money and ridiculous hours. I still fly out and cook for guests 4 weeks here , 3 months there etc turn up do a great job but feels like empty victory and just over it. do the hours and take the cash and go back home. Not sure where to head shore side as going back to restaurants and hotels is bullocks but also dont want to spend long periods of time away from wife. Cant see my self on boats cant see my self off boats money wise either way getting sick of cooking and unsure of alternatives. Would be interested to see how you are now as this post is quite old, and feel like im in similar position.


I'm good, I was kind of banned for a bit on here for making some not nice comments about gluten people or vegans while consuming to many rum drinks, still kicking' still cooking, actually changed it up and worked the summer as a fly fishing guide in Alaska for the summer, took a long 3 month vacation n India, Nepal, Sri Lanka. Freelanced a month in Grand Cayman, took a month off in Panama, doing 3 weeks now in the Bahamas and after this job rented a place in Mexico for a month. Then work in Alaska for the summer. Guess I'm in a better place taking a lot of time on vacation in cheap places. Once you get used to yachts it's hard to go back to restaurants


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## 99Knives (Apr 21, 2019)

hookedcook said:


> I'm good, sti
> 
> I'm good, I was kind of banned for a bit on here for making some not nice comments about gluten people or vegans while consuming to many rum drinks, still kicking' still cooking, actually changed it up and worked the summer as a fly fishing guide in Alaska for the summer, took a long 3 month vacation n India, Nepal, Sri Lanka. Freelanced a month in Grand Cayman, took a month off in Panama, doing 3 weeks now in the Bahamas and after this job rented a place in Mexico for a month. Then work in Alaska for the summer. Guess I'm in a better place taking a lot of time on vacation in cheap places. Once you get used to yachts it's hard to go back to restaurants


Ha yeah am just looking at restaurants at the moment, fairly shit after the boats when it comes to hours and pay etc. Just come back from 4 month trip down to Antartica. Enjoy the boats and getting paid to do some cool shit but cant do the time away from wife is too long. Had a lot of time off in the last 3 years waiting for a great idea to come along and be like awesome thats what i'm going to do, it didnt. Still dont know what im going to do but am working on other skills or shit that I enjoy, brewing beers etc and picking up other life skills. Good luck for the future make sure you invest the cash from the boats well and keep your options open.


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## snapshot2020 (Jan 31, 2019)

I feel it might be a good time for you to return to the USA, and get a job cooking at a nice small restaurant, cooking the type foods you enjoy cooking.


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

I left the US 15 years ago. I prefer 3 rd world countries where rules, laws, and greed doesn't exist. And some times Police take 20 dollar bribe to avoid a situation compared to the police state of the US. Look at the dumb ass shows like live PD and cops, arresting people is a business deal in the US. Just not my cup of tea, fly to Mexico in 3 days


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

My only true advice and there are people on this forum where it might have worked out. Don't buy a restaurant


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## ShelteredBugg1 (May 1, 2019)

hookedcook said:


> My only true advice and there are people on this forum where it might have worked out. Don't buy a restaurant


As in a franchise?


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## PoorlyChef (May 30, 2019)

Burn out sucks but it's just a symptom of something else that is not working for you at this point in life. I had a crash memorial day weekend 2010. I was unmotivated and uninspired, my marriage was on the rocks and my best friend opted out of life, a tough time. After some soul searching I realized that all this life shit will never really change so I had to make a change on how I related to it all. This journey led me to meditation and mindfullness as a way of being. I've never really been religious or spiritual but have come to find peace from living my life and using my mind for the moment i'm in and not allowing it to wander in the past or the future (very hard to do). I know this may sound new age but it really does work. Check out Eckart Tolie's The Power of Now. I had to read this book a dozen times and have serious thinking sessions on the concepts he introduces before I even began to understand what the hell he was saying. Now, I have started to find myself in the "now" of life most of the time and when my mind stats to wander to the past (mistakes, failures) or the future (fear of failure) I have tools to pull me out an not go off "thinking" about the bull shit..


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## hookedcook (Feb 8, 2015)

There are a lot of things working in my head but this is a chef forum and not a mental health forum. We can keep the focus on food. If anything we all could chip in and just have a thread for "chefs issues" lol. I'm guessing my week is up there. Been I'n Mexico for a month now staying at a nice but cheap air bnb studio. The London girl came last week to visit before she has to fly out to her parents fishing lodge for the summer. I was supposed to go mid June. Catch her snooping through my phone, she has a plane ticket within the hour and my summer job is gone. Sometimes I make emotional decisions. So diving is big here, I'm a diver, done some crazy dives. They will take you diving with Crocs at night, 2 nights later I find myself in Mexico swimming on top shing Crocks eyes, then dropping fast to get below them and shine your light up to try and watch them. It rained the night before so the viz was about 6ft. The guide was scared so I was super scared. It was like( not like,was) being in a haunted house in dark water at night for 2 hours you would see them up top, drop down 20 ft, looking and see movement shoot away. Shining up down left right and below. It was the real deal, that was just 4 days last week, work on trying to find a chef psychologist, might be like finding a pet detective though!!!


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