# Kitchen relationships



## chefboy2160 (Oct 13, 2001)

So this is a healing thread in I guess a kind of way ? 
It is very hard to work in the heat of our battles and not develope some bonds with our co-workers . Sometimes these turn into great friendships , one night stands , or even long lasting relationships . Many times we never see or hear from these people again . Our industry is one in which there can be much movement from job to job as we all know . Quite often we meet our significant other at work ( considering the hours we often work and like who else could we meet ) . 
So what has this life of being a Chef brought to you as far as a relationship goes ? Oh , and if by chance you also know the meaning of life please post it OK  Also if your not a chef your advice could be well absorbed also !
Your friend in food , Doug......................


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## coolj (Dec 12, 2000)

I've made a few friends over the years. Haven't dated any of my co-workers . Most of my working relationships are the type where you're not really close friends with the person, but you take the time to talk with them when you see them at the mall.


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## miahoyhoy (Jul 23, 2002)

I dated a few of my co-workers in the past and most ended in akward situations to say the least. But one instance ended differently. I married her.
We've now been married nearly 10 years, have 2 kids, 2 cars, a dog, some cat's, etc, etc.
The key, I think, is that we don't work together anymore. 
Just before we got married we moved to a new city and got jobs in different places, she isn't in the biz anymore (day job) and I am.
That can be tough but we've somehow figured it out.
lates
Jon


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## peachcreek (Sep 21, 2001)

As a person- never did it.
As an employer- I HATE IT! Very rarely can a couple leave their home problems at home, so it affects two employees at the same time. Also, if there is an issue at work with one of them, both respond. Also, if one moves away, the other usually follows, etc, etc, etc....
And if you are a supervisor getting involved with your workers- a VERY bad move.

What happened to me? I fell in love with one of my customers...And you noticed I did'nt say anything about that. And THEN a year later, we started a business together.......And you know what? Working with each other can be very difficult and at times seems impossible. And boy! Does it get hard to go to work with this person after a huge argument at home and then try to be in front of the employees and customers and act like everything is OK. If we did'nt have the business together I would have quit working together years ago and kept the relationship sane!

And the funny thing is: we actually work very well together....


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## headless chicken (Apr 28, 2003)

Well, I'm only still in school and only 20 years young (not quite young IMO) but I did develop feelings for 1 girl in my lab/kitchen. Its too bad she dosn't feel the same way (strike out #3, I think I'm getting use to rejections). But I've made a lot of friends in the lab alone and I havn't really worked in the feild yet. I can't wait to experience kitchen as part of the work force.


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## chefette (Jun 21, 2003)

I've definitely found some excellent friends in the kitchen at each of my jobs. As for dating someome you work with, well.it can get a little weird. When things are going well, it's all good.....but when there's trouble brewing, everything turns sour. You can't work to your full potential when you're angry at your lover/co-worker. Oh, well....what do I know?.......lol


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## nicko (Oct 5, 2001)

For years I refused to date anyone I worked with but my last kitchen job I dated a waitress and I found that it had a profoundly negative effect on my work. I was not as focused as I normally and felt that my food and the care of those working with me really suffered. I have a great amount of respect for those that can separate themselves and not be affected by personal issues. My recomendation has always been to avoid a romantic relationship at your work place.


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## soussweets (Apr 12, 2003)

i have had a few jobs where i have ended up dating a coworker,,, some jobs were a couple of coworkers, when all you do from the time you are fifteen years old is work as much as possible you are bound to run into this,,, or be quite lonely. i have never dated anyone i work in the kitchen with though,,, that would drive me crazy cuz i don't care who i piss of in the kitchen,, and thats probably no good for a relationship.


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## leo r. (Nov 10, 2001)

Although i`ve never dated anyone from work,i have a mixed view of this.I know quite a few people who date someone they work with,most seem to get on ok.Some people have got on so well with each other,they`ve got marriedand they`re very happy.There are others who tell me that they had difficulty in balancing work with their home life.
There is always the risk that any differences of opinion may be brought into the workplace.
There is enough tension within the hospitality business,without having someone`s personal life thrust in your face.


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## nick.shu (Jul 18, 2000)

heh, i worked in a place where i was supposed to go in as head chef until i found out that my 2nd chef and the restaurant manager were a couple.

after i found that out, i said i would be 2nd but not head chef. Not because of a relationship gone awry, but for the fact that 2 people living together would almost certainly back each other up.

It isnt the fact that i capitulated to this, more the fact that the possible scenario of it happening would create conflict, and that didnt sit well with me.

so to make a short story long, i felt that i avoided a potential problem by handing that back to my employers and walking away.

Dont get me wrong, they are great people, i just dont want to be around if things get sour.

Interesting position to be put in huh?!


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## chefkell (May 9, 2003)

I won't go off on the dating side...I married one too 

I have made some tremendous friendships though. The nice thing is the internet now...I suck at phone calls and never wrote a letter in my life. I keep in touch with chefs and cooks I've become friends with ( and some more of a professional friendship) from all tover the world. It's great, because if I ever run out of ideas, have a question about a particular cuisine, can't find an ingriedient etc...I have the resources to get what I need done done. 

My Pastry Chef is opening a new hotel in Manhattan in the fall...going to work with a couple of friends of mine from the old days. Sent my sous (who was having personal problems) away to work for a friend in Tuscon fo 4 days; personal problems worked themselves out and he came back full of new ideas and a new attitude. 

The best thing is...always a good place to eat when you visit them!


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## star (Jul 18, 2003)

ok dating a co-worker is bad  

i made that mistake about 3 time in my 20 year's of cooking..

that all i'm going to say for right now


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## dickvegas (May 23, 2003)

Does flashing me their naughty bits in the freezer or chefs office count as a relationship? Or Just cheap thrills to keep me motivated through a long hard day.


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## soussweets (Apr 12, 2003)

thats fully acceptable by my standards,,,,,,, and sometimes encouraged !


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## star (Jul 18, 2003)

oka boy's you both being bad now 

but if it flot your boat enjoy


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## polly (Jun 10, 2002)

I've had one of those' flashing naughty bits' relationships in the kitchen, but I left the country before it could get either good or bad.
Next time I was attracted to a co-worker I started going out with him and 4 years later we're still together... We don't work together now though.


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