# Are your parents proud of you?



## tranquillo (May 26, 2012)

Just a curious question. Feel free to share your story - I'd be interested to hear. In short, my mum is proud of me, but she said to me that she'd be proud of me if I was a garbage collector or a doctor or a music teacher or whatever really - just as long as what I am doing makes me content then she's content. My father thinks I'm a total idiot and I'm wasting my life because according to him - "any idiot can be a chef, chefs don't need to go to university or school to learn and they don't need to be good at written and spoken English either."

Enough from me - what do your parents think about Culinary School?


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## lcbvincent (Jan 18, 2013)

Becoming a chef has allways been my dream my entire family is proud of me the day i got accepted for Le Cordon Bleu my parents told everyone my mom and dad tell me every day how proud they are that I'm folllowing my dreams


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## lcbvincent (Jan 18, 2013)

As for what my parents think of culinary school where else are you going to learn skills multiple chefs can teach you just knowing how to cook is ge history of the technique of the techniques you impliment in the kitchen gives you more


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## thetincook (Jun 14, 2002)

My parents are highly educated types, and they were disappointed when I dropped out of 'real' college and enrolled in the trade school after a semester and a half. My mom was crushed, and while my dad tried to be supportive, you could tell he wasn't thrilled about the endeavor.

Hopefully you'll be able to find some common ground with your father. My mom still makes quips about my job when we meet.

The important thing to remember is that you don't live your life for your parents.


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## chefbuba (Feb 17, 2010)

Yes, My parents are also educated, dad is an MD, his dad was an MD. I was told that schooling would be paid for weather I wanted to be a brain surgeon or a fry cook........I took the easy way out!  I had success and failure in my career and in other business ventures. They were there to see it.


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## arronp (Jan 7, 2013)

I mean, it is nice that people respect doctors (and I'm training to be one) but to be honest it counts for very little. The pride tends to waiver a little when you have to miss countless birthdays and weddings etc because you're in the hospital or studying. I knew people that came and studied because it is what was expected of 'em and some of 'em quit because it wasn't for them, some made crummy doctors but some realized that they loved the job. My point is, it's nice when you're being introduced at a party or when your parents are bragging to their friends but other than that admiration and respect doesn't really offer much when you're doing the job day in and day out. I've always said though if I wasn't in medicine I'd like to be a chef or an artist. I even think about quitting some days but I think that's me looking at it with rose-tinted glasses.
 

*edited to add* any idiot can go to university / grad school. You just have to be studious.


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## chefwriter (Oct 31, 2012)

Tranquillo,

Here's a tough answer. The real question is "Are you proud of yourself?" You only live once. If you are honest, hardworking and do your best at your job, it should not matter what you are doing. If you succeed at becoming a chef and your parents still can not find it in themselves to be proud of you, shame on them. If you become what they want and end up miserable in a job you hate all because you tried to make your parents happy, then shame on you. There are two paths. Pick one.


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## vic cardenas (Nov 11, 2012)

Well said, chefwriter.


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## jpsmom (Feb 3, 2013)

My husband and I also wanted our son to have a college degree......but our son proclaimed that cooking is his PASSION! How can a parent argue with that??
After some investigating we found that he could attend a top notch culinary school that also provided a Bachelor degree. It was a win-win for all of us. He has found his bliss and we are thrilled to hear his ebullient voice when he calls. During high school, he was quiet and HATED academics. Never had much to say. Classic brooding teenager. Now he is a bubbly and smily chef in training. Like I said, he has found his bliss. What more could a parent want??????????
Be proud of yourself and others won't be able to be anything but proud with you.


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## pollopicu (Jan 24, 2013)

I'm so insulted by your dads point of view on chefs, but it's no reflection on you.

I think my dad is a little proud of me...I think. He's asked for my advice about cooking a few times, so I appreciate the effort in showing he recognizes my abilities. However, recently my dad suffered a heart attack, and had to have emergency triple bypass surgery...I had to fly to Puerto Rico to see him. I decided to go armed with tons of info on low sodium diets, and teach him how to cook healthier meals for himself. I cooked his meals and took them to the hospital. He enjoyed a tomato salad I made him, but that was pretty much the extent of him trying anything else I made for him. When the day came for him to come home, the first thing he did was light a cigarette. He criticized my food, and the seasoning, or lack thereof. I was totally insulted, and felt deeply hurt. That was last Sept. and I still have not spoken to him because I can't be bothered. I took time and money out of my busy schedule, to rush over there, and he didn't even care enough about himself, why should I. There are other things that happened that made me not speak to him (animal neglect) but I won't go there.

My mother has never recognized my passion. Years ago when I enrolled in cooking school and showed up with all my new cooking gear and tools, she somehow found a way to shit all over that for me, and I found myself in tears while wearing my toque. I felt like an idiot. It took me a long time to realize my mother was jealous of me and my new opportunity. Since then she has never asked about my jobs, only asks how much I get paid. It's so freakin hurtful. Neither of them ask anything about my career or my life, but that's the kind of parents I have. They are bad in many other ways, which is why I have tried to disown them numerous times but the guilt prevents me from cutting all ties.

believe or not, part of what drives me to be a better cook, chef, caterer is the fact that they seem indifferent to it.

I hate that sometimes I don't realize how I feel until I type it out, and then I'm rushed with an ocean of emotion. Now I suddenly feel like I need therapy.


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## hpross (Feb 5, 2013)

There was a time, when doctors were laughed at as magical healers and lawyers were shylocks. It took a few smart and incredibly dedicated men to turn the tide of public perception. 

The cook of yesterday dealt with keeping food from spoiling, preparing massive feasts and slavish work environments. There are cooks today who focus of science, who discover new ways to prepare food, whose white jackets resemble a lab tech more than a chef. Technology is entering the game at all levels, and as a race we've never had people better fed or more hungry. It is a good time to be a chef. 

How your parents feel, is likely due to their perception of what a chef is. The spectrum is large, from the McDonald fry cook to the commis chef at alinea. It is up to you to figure out what kind of chef you will be. 

Regardless of how my parents felt when I began this path, they see my success and dedication now and are happy for me. They still think i could of done more as a doctor/lawyer/whatever. But then again, they dont realize how important food really is. I shall just have to show them. 

HP


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## missyd (Nov 26, 2012)

Pollopicu said:


> Years ago when I enrolled in cooking school and showed up with all my new cooking gear and tools, she somehow found a way to shit all over that for me, and I found myself in tears while wearing my toque. I felt like an idiot. It took me a long time to realize my mother was jealous of me and my new opportunity. Since then she has never asked about my jobs, only asks how much I get paid. It's so freakin hurtful. Neither of them ask anything about my career or my life, but that's the kind of parents I have. They are bad in many other ways, which is why I have tried to disown them numerous times but the guilt prevents me from cutting all ties.


Sorry to hear you having to go through that - I am in the same sort of situation myself. My parents do not support my decision. My mother has told me its a stupid idea to waste money on going back to school and the pay is crappy. In all honesty I wouldn't even speak to my mother if I didn't have children (for so many reasons other than this). Good thing is my parents moved to China in the summer so I don't have to deal with the negativity directly anymore.

I think the most important thing if you are happy doing what you do. I would rather be poor & happy than rich & miserable. My kids support me & right now that's good enough for me


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## tranquillo (May 26, 2012)

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am aware that being happy is the most important thing. 

lcvincent - don't mean to be rude, and I am not a grammar nazi. Thanks for sharing your story, I'm glad your parents were proud of you - but it would help a lot of if you used some punctuation in your sentences. 

Thetincook - That seems to be not uncommon (university graduate parents not liking their children doing trades). When I was younger, I used to think that educated people were less ignorant, I believed this because I thought that part of having an education involves being exposed to new and different ideas, questioning the axioms and because of that I used to think educated people were more open and accepting of difference... I know I'm wrong because I think personal experience is a stronger determiner to the way we think. 

Chef writer, I am proud of myself ... absolutely ... my mum reminds me that she wants me to be happy, even though she is vegetarian and she is very disturbed by the fact that I shuck oysters! It can be disheartening to hear one of your parents tell you that you are an idiot for loving your job... but he's the one that's the idiot, he can't understand happiness. 

ArronP- I get the same reactions around the dinner table when I tell people about my culinary studies and my job in a nice kitchen. I know that it wears off when I have a bad day in the kitchen ... it's nice for a few minutes but that's about it really. Maybe you could be a psychiatrist specialising in eating disorders or maybe you could specialise/publish medical stuff on diet and nutrition. I agree... at the end of the day, we are all idiots that can do anything, we just need to have the burning desire to do whatever that thing is. 

JPsmom - I told your story to my mum ... she smiled at the end of it. 

Pollopicu - My father is very ignorant to a number of things... he is also very racist. I have argued with him, telling him that being a chef means that you know a lot about food. With food there comes science, there comes skill, there comes skill, there comes precision, technique, speed, alertness, stress and you do actually have to think. He still tells me that's hogwash... Mind you these are the ramblings of somebody who hasn't even been through the university system. He's ignorant ... and it's depressing. 

HPross - I was a musician before I became an aspiring chef, you should have seen my father questioning the value of my studies. 

MissyD - are you Asian in descent? I am too... my father isn't a tiger parent but I wonder if his want for me to not be a chef as anything to do with his upbringing.


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## pollopicu (Jan 24, 2013)

Thank you, Missy D


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## missyd (Nov 26, 2012)

Tranquillo said:


> MissyD - are you Asian in descent? I am too... my father isn't a tiger parent but I wonder if his want for me to not be a chef as anything to do with his upbringing.


Yes I am - I'm 1/2 Asian (my mom is Chinese and my father is white). Most people can't tell though - maybe it's the height that throws them off (I'm 5'10)


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