# How would you discipline a 5 year-old?



## jim berman (Oct 28, 1999)

This question is far, far removed from the Food Scene, however, important. How do you handle your unruly child/children? I have a difficult 5 year-old. She doesn't have 'problems', but she can be such a pain in the ____ sometimes. I am sure this is normal, but I hate getting aggrevated with her.
Anybody have some wonderful technique they would like to share? I'll pay you!!


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## chef david simpson (Sep 25, 2000)

Let her make donuts and teach her how to make some simple things like muffins and biscuits. It's very satisfying to see them learn your trade.

Will that be cash, check, or charge?


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## live_to_cook (Aug 23, 2000)

Jim,

I have a 4-year-old daughter, quite willful but also rather well behaved for the most part after all the work her mother and I have done. If you wanted to describe the specific problems I could possibly offer a helpful perspective.


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## mezzaluna (Aug 29, 2000)

I have professional experience with kids, ages 3-21. Drop me a line and give me more specifics.


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## katherine (Aug 12, 2000)

You need to examine the dynamic of your relationship with this child. Something may be going on that will not be remedied by more restrictions and punishments from you.

Remember, kids are just like little adults that don't know everything. So the same things bother them as adults, and they get frustrated from being powerless. They hate being ordered around for no reason (Do it because I told you to do it!), so I've always treated my daughter as a person in need of guidance and explained things to her. Also, pick your battles well. Children don't need millions of rules to cover all situations, and you end up fighting about everything all the time.
So many times you see kids at the supermarket throwing tantrums because the rule says they can't buy a piece of candy on the way out. I allowed my daughter to pick one out, and got one for myself, too. But first I explained when it would be eaten (after lunch, maybe). If she had tried to rip open something while waiting in line, I would have taken it from her, and she knew that. (Later, you can spoil them with such high quality candy and other snacks that they no longer ask for junk unless they're truly hungry.)


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## jim berman (Oct 28, 1999)

My wife thanks you and I thank you. As many of you mentioned, here are some specifics.
1. The Boss... she is the eldest of three and as such, she orders everybody around (including us!).
2. The First... always HAS to be the first. If we do not allow her that option, its WAR!
3. Perfectionist tendencies... She will redo the way her bed is made 10 times before she relents. The same goes for homework, etc. And, yes, it is great to do things very well, but at what point does it become unhealthy?
4. The Last Word... If you say 'up' she says 'down' and there is no denying it. It would be easy to give-in and say "you are right" but then that will set her up for being right all the time.

We have, fairly recently, tried to remove many of the unnecessary rules as we realized that were waaaaay too many constraints on her. 

With that in mind, any other thought would be apprecieted. Thanks, as always!


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