# First signs of a bad dining experience...



## n00bchef (Apr 11, 2006)

First off, let me say that I am by no means a snob... I almost never get to frequent those fancy/expensive (TV reviewed) places... I often find myself a patron of local deli's and restaurants, and of course throw into the mix some of the "Franchise" restaurants.

The fact is that regardless of the "class" of restaurant, there are tell-tale signs in every restaurant that will either leave you with a good feeling about your upcoming dining experience, or make you decide that a stiff drink at the bar and the trip home would be better served.

I live in a community in the East Bay Area, California and in my town we have quite a large variety of restaurants. (We are even getting a Trader Vic's in a couple months). Of all of these restaurants, some of the things I ALWAYS look for when walking in are the following: (please feel free to add to this list!)

1) The Hostess - The first representative of the restaurant you see. The body language, attitude, and demeanor of this person leaves you with an immediate impression of what the mood of every other employee is. Even though your encounter with the Hostess is brief, the impact is lasting.

I can't tell you how many times I walk into a restaurant and see a teenaged girl or boy who is more interested in chatting with fellow employees over making me feel welcome to the establishment. Often times they will wrap up their conversation, grab a couple of menus, and start walking (assuming you will follow)... Occasionally they will mumble the required "Welcome to <restaurant>"... In many cases (without even looking you in the eye), they will take you to a table, put the menus down, and utter the "Your server will be right with you" line. (Which really means I am leaving you here so I can go back to the front and continue my conversation.)

While nothing here is overly "offensive"... Without even looking at the menu, I immediatly feel like I am second class.

2) The Waiter/Waitress - Your tour guide and interface to everything about the restaurant. There are so many places to go here, I have trouble finding where to start. Here is a list of things that in my opinion detract from a good experience:

- Not appearing within 2 minutes of being seated is often annoying... As soon as I sit down and get comfortable, one of the first things I like to do is get something refreshing to drink... (Water, beer, wine...) Having to wait more than two minutes gets my foot tapping...
- Inconsistent service... There are many times while in a restaurant (usually in the Franchise restaurants), that I will notice a Waiter/Waitress visit another table 2-3 times before revisiting mine. When I notice this happening, it is usually because I would like their attention (perhaps for a refill of my beverage)... Waiters/Waitresses who are experienced know how to develope a routine for table management, and they shine like a star when they do it.
- Getting the check in the middle of your meal. This doesn't happen often, but in my opinion this is somewhat of a rude gesture. It implies to me that they would like me to hurry up and leave, and secondly that they aren't interested as to whether I wanted something else with my meal. Some servers view this as a way of "saving some time" but in most cases this is viewed as "being pushy".

There are MANY more items I could come up with, but let's move on.

3) The Floor/Shift Manager - The one who is supposed to make or break your experience. The shift manager could be considered the "Sous Chef" of the dining area... He/She ensures that food is being served, tables are being waited and cleaned, and also ensures that the customers experience is a pleasant one. This being the case, one should be able to breath a sigh of relief when they see the Floor Manager approach their table. Here are some pet peeves of mine about Floor Managers:

- Checking in with guests with Waiter/Waitress along side. I would guess that most people (not all) don't enjoy confrontation in a restaurant, and in many cases get too embarrest to raise an issue if bad service is in play. The Floor Manager is supposed to make the guest feel comfortable enough to share that and it is then the manager's job to make sure that it gets set right. When the Waiter/Waitress accompanies the manager to the table, it is often intimidating and ultimatly unproductive because the guests will not give the true feedback to the manager if it has to do with the service.
- Invisible Floor Manager. I know they are out there... but seem to either be unavailable the entire time, or are avoiding a large portion of their duty.

I suppose I could go on about things to look for... (maybe I could even write a book on this), but the point is watch out! It is easy to spot a "soon to be" bad dining experience, and you can avoid this simply by observing the hostess.

Why did I write this? Because I saw a few other opinions regarding Franchise restaurants, and those discussions reminded me of a very bad experience I had at a "Johnny Carino's"...

Hostess did all the bad stuff mentioned above, I saw the waitress a total of five times, one to take my order and drink order, the second to deliver those items (at the same time), third to complain about the hair I had found in my seafood pasta, and fourth was in the company of the Floor Manager who apologized and brought me a new one, and then I never saw him again. The fifth and last time I saw the waitress was to give me the bill. (which wasn't adjusted at ALL for the dish with a hair in it.) --- Think I will ever go there again?

-Jason


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## kaylinda (Jul 30, 2004)

Good post...and so true! Sometimes you just get the feeling people don't care whether you're there or not.


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

....a good idea to give it a couple of months and revisit. Places DO pick themselves up, they Do get newer personal. The places I wont go to are those with a menu out front of the building, yellowed by age, curling with condensation, dead flies garnishing the glass fronted cage, down there with the 'specialty' deserts and liquor coffee. Apart from anything else, I have to ask myself, how on earth do they get in there. The flies I mean.


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## n00bchef (Apr 11, 2006)

Thanks for the feedback, I have seriously considered writing a book on this... I can't tell you how many times I see restaurants that have teeny bopper hostesses... It seems like a Restaurant manager tends to not give the Hostess position a second thought.

I will say that I have seen some Franchises use a good hostess strategy, one in particular is the "Claim Jumper" chain of restaurants... The hostess position is really a team of 2-3 hostesses all of whom always smile and interface with the customers (even in the waiting area). I distinctly remember being pleased as soon as I walked into that restaurant. 

Anyhow, I do agree with Diane, I will sometimes revisit a restaurant that didn't treat me as I expected... (unless of course the experience was absolutly horrible).

The ideas for this book include what I mentioned in my original post, but also so much more. I think that a book about this stuff from a customers point of view (as well as someone who loves culinary arts) would be a unique perspective. I'm sure that other books similar to this idea have been written, but my head is so full of ideas... (I also have recipricol ideas about the tell-tale signs of a good restaurant...)


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## dapanman (Apr 13, 2006)

I live in a small city that has recently blown up with sushi restaurants. There are only a few that have been here 10 or more years, but within the last year and a half 7 or more have opened. As a professional cook I rarely get a chance to get out to eat in the evening (have been trying to as of late), so when I get the chance I REALLY hate to be disappointed. 

I recently went to sushi at more neighborhoody place. From one previous experience I wasn't expecting much but there weren't any other sushi places open on a Sunday evening and...ok a gal that works there was my main intrest in going there anyway :lips: (so partly my fault). I sat down right in front of her (she rolls there). The waitress (who I knew from previously working with at another restaurant) was my server and I ordered a chimay which they had on draft. After she walked away the exec chef leans over the bar to tell me that he might not have enough rice for me by the time he gets through all his other orders. SO Im already bummed. The waitress shortly later came to ask what i needed and I informed her ....? about the rice shortage. I ended up ordering a poki and some edamame with the intention of ordering more if there was rice left. The waitress said something to the effect of "Surely you understand, I mean, don't you run out of beef cheeks (popular menu item from the place I work) every once in a while?", and I said "Well no we actually don't" and I'm thinking to myself that the cheeks are only one menu item versus something like rice in a sushi restaurant which is a catalyst for half the menu...Its like me not having enough plates to put food on. Long story short I left hungry, disappointed , and with no phone # from the cute girl I wanted to talk to in the first place. Too bad.


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## castironchef (Oct 10, 2005)

No rice? No nookie?

No return!


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

That is funny Pan Man. I had a cricket in my mushroom sauce once. I gave it back to the waiter, who told me not to fuss. But I couldn't, just couldn't eat that meal.


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## dapanman (Apr 13, 2006)

OOOOOH BUT WHAT THE F YALL of course i wont go there to drop dough on weak sushi for big $...funny thing is i read a great review on the place right after i had a crappy experience there ..... dunno if they deserve it or not......



:chef:


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## aprilb (Feb 4, 2006)

only applied to Chinese ... 

:lol: 

April


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## mikelm (Dec 23, 2000)

Just saw this thread - looking for a place to report a really poor dining experience - and am reminded of a rule of thumb by the operating partner in a chain of 20-odd Sizzler family restaurants, where my wife was head of administrative operations.

He said the first thing he looked at was how clean the glass was - doors, sneeze guards, booth dividers, whatever. If they weren't sparkling clean, he would assume they weren't particular about other things (like service and food  ) either.

With five couples, I went to the Wolf's Head Inn on Joliet Road in Indian Head Park (IL) for their Sunday brunch- one couple said they liked it a lot. We ordered Bloody Mary's and the celery stick in mine had started to decay- it was light brown and squishy at the top.

I should have taken the hint. 

The buffet had only a few items, every one of them EXTREMELY mediocre. We paid the bill - which included a 20% gratuity, and walked out. Four couples had left, when the manager came out into the parking lot and told the fifth that we owed another $6 per couple for coffee. Showing less fortitude than I would have expected of him, he forked over the additional $30.

So, now I gotta pay him another $6.

My wife and I didn't have coffee.

How soon will I be back the the Wolf's Head Inn??? 

Mike :roll:


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## lyneotto (Jun 6, 2006)

Diane
a cricket, or a roach?
Not to fuss? Call the Health Dept!


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

We just returned from a nice dinner on a deck on a river. The menu was nice, the atmosphere was welcoming, the food was very good, and the service was fine UNTIL the waitress called me "my dear" as in "would you like another cocktail, my dear?" I gave her a withering glance and said "yes, please". 


Later in the meal when she returned to pick up the plates, I started to say something and answered me by calling me "my darling". My husband gave me one of those oh oh looks because he knows my pet peeve is being called some diminutive pet name by someone I've never met before. What is it with servers that they think calling you hon, dear, or some other name usually reserved for babies or people in nursing homes will get them a better tip? One would think that after the first glare they receive from a customer, that they would get the hint and use sir or ma'am...or nothing at all which is preferable to a pet name. I paid the bill and left a 10% tip to the penny.

On the way out, I asked to speak to the manager and explained that everything was wonderful from the moment we walked in the door until we left except for the fact that the server wasn't professional enough not to use baby names. 

Am I the only one who is bothered by this condescendingly fake "friendliness"? These people are not my pals, they are my servers and I tip very well when the relationship is professional one between a server and a client.

My produce guy called me "young lady" until I told him it was 2006, I was at least his age, and I started every conversation with "Hi,this is Susan from....", He asked what he should call me. I reiterated that I started every conversation with "hi, this is susan....." :crazy: What a bozo.


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

LOL, it never stops does it. They call you dear because you are young, they call you dear because you are a white haired woman. They call you dear because you are visibly pregnant. "They" never call a man 'dear'. 

It is my opinion that this word, among others, is the most offensive form of address Possible. It is right up there with the 'N' word. Determinedly offensive. Foul denigration. Loathsome little power plays. Utterly disgraceful vernacular. Showing a paucity of vocabulary, wit, but mostly, manners. My husband does not call me dear, he knows better. 

I will react with extreme vigour to this, and associated terms, no matter how public or potentially upsetting this is to others. My family are used to me, but it can give fright to others.

The only person on this planet who can call me dear, is Billy. Because I believe him. So there. giggle. (and a few others of course.)


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

No,Diane, they have other terms of endearment for men. A waitress in a local, upscale Italian rest called my husband "Hon". She actually called everyone hon, but one night, she said something like, "Would you like another scotch, Hon?" and i looked at him and said, "I hadn't realized you and she were so close." My husband looked a little shocked and the waitress scurried away. She has never called us hon since, and I have found that she's a very good server and compansate her accordingly. Of course, she probably sees us coming and says, "Here comes that miserable biotch."

At another restaurant where we had gone to celebrate my DD's new job, the waitress took all of our orders and looked at my 14 and a half year old son, and said, "And what would the little guy like?" I smiled sweetly and said,"You should be VERY glad he's not responsible for the tip." She was much more respectful of him throughout the rest of our meal.

What gives with this type of service? Do they actually think we find it endearing? I find it nauseating.


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## biggrizzly (May 12, 2006)

I believe that these "Nauseating" servers are just trying to be friendly and hospitable. Some individuals are raised in an environment where certain terms of endearment are regularly used. To make the statement that you become physically ill could mean that you may have some past issues that you need to deal with.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Thanks, BigGrizzly, for your learned opinion of my psyche. 

Let's call it what it is, shall we? The overuse of terms of endearment by total strangers is nothing more than a cheap stunt to make bigger tips. The irony of it all is that if these so called "friendly and hospitable" servers used some common sense and learned to read their customers a little better, their tips would improve markedly. You may get warm fuzzies at being called "my dear" by your server, but I find it insulting. An astute server would know that after the first foray into his or her saccharine vocabulary.

I still find it nauseating and what's more, insipid behavior like that is degrading to the person using it. What's wrong with being a professional at whatever your career chioce happens to be?


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

I am afraid, Big Grizzly, my stance remains firmly with Lentil. Over familiarity is something we might expect from a drunk, perhaps. A gauche, or untutored person. It is further my opinion that these terms are used to diminish the stature of the person being served. A kind of equaliser if you like. From a silently resentful server. As for putting down a young man in his fifteenth year, well that is just insanity. He would be likely to eat the largest amount of all. And he will never forget.

My view on children in restaurants is that it is my job to keep them sitting correctly and quietly, from the earliest practical age. It is the servers job to treat them with the respect I expect for myself and my husband. So, I don't care if they are 3 years. Let alone coming on 15 years. Both my boys could order for the family with great aplomb by the time they were 8 years. 

We only had one incident as far as I recall, I was with both my sons to meet my husband in Rotorua. and stopped for a meal in Hamilton. We were shoved in a corner as is normal with a woman and children, Older son was 12, Other son 10. For once I was grateful. Older has a very sophisticated and deadly humour. Even at that age. He made some crack, and Younger was convulsed with laughter, he had his hands over his mouth, but a bit leaked through, this set Older off, it esculated. Still very quiet. They were crying, then younger, in efforts to avoid rupturing his ventral abdoninal wall, leaned forward and banged his head on the table. He was only a little fellow (at the time). I was catching up fast, the next table caught it, not that they knew what they were laughing at, it didn't take long for this epidemic to spread through the dining room. There were about 50 people howling their heads off, we took shelter in the general cocophany to remove our hands from our mouths and transferred them to holding our aching ribs. Above all the laughter I could hear Younger, his laugh like a mad bugie. Setting people off again. All settled down again about 20mins later, just a few sporadic outbursts. I had chicken liver pate, with extraordinarily hot vogel toast points. It was lovely, I don't remember what the boys had. After we left, Older said to me that it was an interesting if unplanned window on crowd control. 

Now I shall just hop off, Grizzy, and put another log on the fire. Tea?


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Diane,

Your children sound delightful! I sympathize with your younger one as I am cursed with the same affliction that leaves me unable to control my laughter. I used to work with another bartender who would, like your older son, say or do something that would leave me hysterical, but patrons completely unaware. There were times I'd have to scootch town behind the bar until I could regain my composure so as not to offend some customer. I loved working with him, but there were days I wanted to squirt him with the seltzer. I was, and am still amazed that he could reduce me to helpless giggles and not even crack a smile! On the other hand, when he was in an ugly mood, watch out!

Your take on overly familiar servers is interesting. I hadn't thought of their comments as equalizing before. It makes sense. If you can call me darling or dear or hon, I am just like you. As I said before, I'd prefer a professional relationship with my server, and when the shoe is on the other foot (and it is since I'm a caterer), I want a professional relationship with my customers/clients. 

Recently, I was short some staff and asked my sister to help with a wedding. She owns a business, and has never really worked as a waitress. She was really hurt that the guests didn't pay much attention to her. Her comment was "they don't even know me and they treated me like I wasn't even there". 

I thought it was quite funny looking at it from my perspective. I told her what I thought all banquet servers knew; that we TRY to be unobtrusive and maybe even invisible. We don't ask if someone if finished, but wait for the signs that they are- knife and fork placed on the plate, etc. I like the service to be attentive without being in their faces. It's not necessary to ask each person at the table if they want a coffee refill- simply fill an empty cup or make eye contact with the person. It's easy to know whether or not to fill it. My poor sister smiled and asked if she could take their plates, if they wanted coffee, whatever, and expected a warm reply and all she got in most instances was a nod. The guests weren't there to make friends with her, but to celebrate the wedding of the hosts. 

Another woman who does some work for me was helping at a house party. We were in the kitchen prepping the apps when the hostess and a guest came in for something. They were admiring her new appliances when my helper joined in the conversation. She was having a grand old time talking about all she knew about appliances and the like when she caught me looking at her from across the room and shut up insantly. On the way home from the job, she apologized and said she didn't realize she wasn't supposed to talk to the guests. I told her it's not that we're not supposed to talk, but that we're the hired help-we don't have to grovel, but we're not part of the party. The next time she worked for me, she wasn't quite so chatty. 

She's definately more used to being a guest than the server, though. Yesterday, we were leaving after a drop off and set up when the hostess arrived. She asked which of us was Susan/me as we had only spoken on the phone. I stepped forward, shook her hand, and introduced myself, and my helper said- with a little edge- "I'm Debbie." as if she should have been introduced also. I probably would have done so, but she was making it known under no uncertain terms, that she was not happy about not being introduced immediately.  I don't call her all that often. Funny thing,though, I've been at her home when she's had hired help there, and she acts like the queen.  

Anyway, this is my day off, so I'm going to get out of her and go home to get ready to go out to dinner with friends. Husband just called and suggested we not go to the place where the server called me darling. Smart man.:lol:


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## diane (Mar 24, 2006)

LOL Lentil, people are hilarious, they really are, and don't even have to try. I remember with great pleasure taking Oldest to Invercargill for a convention, he was 14 years then, and I got lonely, wanted the company. I had invited one of my clients to dinner, which was very nice. After dinner Campbell asked to be excused, I gave permission, he bowed to the wife of my client, kissed the tips of her fingers, smiled at her as only he can, bowed to my client, said a few right words, took one step back, a brief nod and smile to the wife, and withdrew. Now this is the point of this epistle. She cried. After she had recovered her composure, she said she thought she would have to go to Buckingham Palace for that sort of thing to happen. This Lady had spent 40 hard years in business with her husband, and she went home wearing glass slippers. All because someone has good manners.


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## dmt (Jul 28, 2006)

To put a little bit different spin on the "Dear" thing...

Jim-Bob was the occasional sportsman, and finally brought home game for the family to eat...

After his first successful hunt, he had prepared some venison for dinner.

He placed the meat in front of his young children, who asked, "What's this Daddy?"

Not being sure if he should tell them that he's killed Bambi, dressed it and had it butchered to feed the family, he replied, "It's something that your mother calls me sometimes."

At which point, little Betsy-Sue yells, "Spit it out John-Boy!! It's butt hole!!!"


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

That's great!


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## capecodder (Aug 25, 2001)

"Hello, my name is --- and i will be your server" is a pretty good sign of an impending disaster.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

We were just talking about this last night. 

As if I really need to be told that the person standing in front of me with a tray, pad, and pen is my server. I really couldn't care less what their name is most of the time, but if they want to tell me, they could just say, "my name is Deb if you need anything." I'd really prefer that they just be attentive so I don't have to flag down a busperson and ask them to go find Deb. 

Will bank tellers soon be saying, "Hi, my name is.... and I'll be handling your transaction today." or "My name is...and I'll be bagging your groceries." ? Ugh.

When I do a catering job, I introduce myself to the host as we've already met by phone, I'm taking their money, and I own the business. I have a woman who works for me who'll step right up and introduce herself, too, as if the host really cares who she is. I've told her that (in a nice way, of course...), but the bottom line is that she really looks down on servers herself, and tries to elevate herself (in her perception) by becoming one of the "management". 

I don't use her very often.....


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## siduri (Aug 13, 2006)

Restaurants here in italy are very different. The things that most depress me (which are very common here) are
1. food _exactly_ as you order it - you ask for roast veal, you get that, and only that, a slice of roast veal. If you want a vegetable, you have to order a vegetable. No side dishes, no attempt to make the food look good, just a piece of meat splopped on a dish. (most places here are like that unfortunately)
2. a really bad sign is when you ask for pepper and they bring you a pepper shaker, rather than a grinder. Once i ordered "bucatini cacio e pepe" (cheese and pepper bucatini) - i couldn;t taste the pepper, asked for more, adn they brought me a pepper shaker. You can't make a dish with pepper as it's main ingredient with pre-ground pepper. Tells you a lot about the level of care they put into their cooking.
3. no soundproofing, noisy place
4. no attempt at decor except a few souvenir plates on the wall and a couple of signed photos of famous people who purportedly have eaten there 
5, salad with water in the dish
6. waiters who seem to think that if they come soon they're rushing you. as well as those who seem annoyed if you haven't selected your dish after five minutes
7. no written menu - the waiter recites the dishes, one at a time, hoping you'll say yes before he finishes the list to save time. "penne all'arrabbiata?" no "bucatini all'amatriciana?" what else? "gnocchi al pomodoro?" etc.


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## free rider (May 23, 2006)

Now there's an economic reason for that. "menu cost" = it takes time and money to re-price items when they are printed on a menu. If you simply recite the menu, you can change the prices second-by-second if you want to.


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## siduri (Aug 13, 2006)

Free rider, they do this a lot and they don't recite the prices at all!


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## free rider (May 23, 2006)

Even better, then they can charge you whatever they want at the end.


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## shel (Dec 20, 2006)

There's a café that I sometimes visit in part because the witress calls me (and everyone) "Hon." I think it's great to find such a lack of pretense every now and then. It's just a different atmosphere than the more upscale and priggish places, which also have their place.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

I understand what you're saying. "Hon" has it's place, but it's when the sweet endearments ARE the pretense that it bugs me.


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

I went back and read this thread...LMAO at some. I agree that being called sweetie, hon, or dear is very irritating. But on the other end, I have people that get upset with me for calling them sir or mam- (these are usually people that I know and I feel I am showing respect to)- it has nothing to do with their age (younger or older than myself). Some people tell me not to call them sir because they actually work for a living (I presume this is implied to military titles of officers who don't work hard) or I am told that their parent is sir or mam, not them. (this also has nothing to do with the age of the customer). So my question is- what is appropriate???? obviously most don't like to be too friendly or feel belittled, some don't like too formal...... what do you all prefer? (from either side of the transaction)


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Jayme, I'd prefer Ma'am or Sir if the server is trying get my attention. If they already have my attention, then no salutation is necessary. When a server comes to the table and says "Are you guys ready to order?" I get irritated. I am not a generic "guy" no matter my sex.


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

PS... is this primarily a US problem, or do folks in other countries have the same trouble????? :roll:


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

Lentil-
LOL Have you had much problem with being called a "dude"? regardless of age of speaker or recipient, and regardless of gender of either also....LOL that one cracks me up... I had a middle aged gentleman call me "dude" one day... was all I could do to not laugh!!


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## mezzaluna (Aug 29, 2000)

We have a "white cloth" Italian place near us. My husband and I went there for dinner rather early on a Saturday night; we were the first table of the night.

Our young server continually addressed us as "you guys" or "youse guys". This was rather amusing when he asked, "Are you guys finished with youse guys's salads?"

He performed the rest of his duties as expected. I know I should have said something but we were on our way somewhere.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Around these parts, Dude is reserved for men. Guys seems to be more androgynous. I can't say as I've ever been called Dude but coming from a middle aged man, you must have had quite a laugh!


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

Maybe "Dude" is more of a CA thing..... my teenage daughter's female friends have told me "Thanks Dude" when I have given them a ride. I have asked, "did your friend just call me "dude""?? they giggle. Unfortunately some men, even in their 40's, think they are perpetual teenagers here..... I have always been "one of the guys"... but DUDE??? c'mon now...LOL


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## fledgling (Jan 13, 2007)

I remember one of the worst dining disaster was when a server walks up to our table and says, " Hi, I'm ******, and if I'm acting weird it's because my mom has just been diagnosed with cancer. They won't even let me take off of work! Isn't that messed up? So anyway, what do you want to drink?"

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

What a somber and horrific night *that* was. I am a caring and giving person, but don't you ever tell me things like that if you are my server!!!! It was a bad restaurant anyway, but I wasn't paying so I was alright with being there.

There are so many bad signs that represent a place. I can think of a million but the most important ones have been mentioned already.


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## ishbel (Jan 5, 2007)

Not something I have experienced here at any of the more upmarket restaurants :look: 

Oh, except for one in Cornwall. The waitress was obviously new. She hadn't had much (if any) training. She kept referring to my husband and my friend's partner as 'Me 'andsome' As in 'That sauce orright for you, me 'andsome?' (A term like, m'dear in Cornwall)! As she was young and pretty, neither man seemed to mind. But, when she asked us how we liked the rattatooly...!:lol:


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## chris1980 (Dec 22, 2006)

Young people will hand you a diary of their personal lives if you ask them to :lol:


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Last night we decided to get a bite to eat at The 99. We ordered an app in the bar while waiting to be seated and it had just arrived when we were buzzed. I asked the hostess if she'd please grab them for us and she said she would, but could we grab the menus (yes) and the plates, silverware, and napkins. I said no because we're already carrying coats, drinks, my pocketbook, and now the menus, but I said "our hands are pretty full. Would you mind getting them?" After a quick glare in my direction, she grabbed them and we were off. 

Our server arrived- nice enough woman- but she called my husband sir and me dearie. Hmmm. Still no huge deal, not very professional, but we were in the 99, after all. I'm always distracted by all the TV's anyway, which in this case, the one I could see was tuned to FOX news and THAT's entertainment at its best. ( did you know that there are pole dancing classes for teenaged girls? Me neither, but apparently, it's good exercize.)

The very best part was this: A couple came in and were seated beside us. The woman told the hostess that the seats were wet. The hostess said, "Yes, I know. I've left you a bunch of napkins so you can dry them." Then she walked off. And the woman wiped off the seats. :crazy: 

Call me a witch, but not only will I not carry my own food through a restaurant, but I also wouldn't be directed to complete the bussing job at my table.


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## castironchef (Oct 10, 2005)

I'd never heard of "99" before, so I googled it. 

Assuming that you mean the chain of casual dining and drink places in New England, I think that you'll be assumed by the restaurant's Mission Statement.

"A passion to serve"

Ironic, no?


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

*
"A passion to serve"
*

HA!:lol:


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

Lentil-
Bring your own menus, plates, silverware, and napkins to table, wipe up your own chairs,??? LOL I hope you left YOURSELF the tip too??? But hey, at least she didn't call you Dude!!! LOL


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

No, she didn't. That was the best part of the meal. Actually, the food was fine- quite good for what it was. Thank goodness...


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

Unbussed tables....bad sign.
the south is rendolent with names of endearment.....
recently I was called, "hon" throughout a conversation with a new salesman.....can you say, 1000# of fish order not going to you?


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

I wonder what term of endearment he would have used had you been a man? None, you say? HA! Good for you. Find a fish man with some class.


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

Lentil/shroom- 
Funny how THAT works huh? Male= respect, female= flirt with

My sister playfully says this little verse, to be silly sometimes- "I'm just a girl, I don't know nothin', buy me something!" But I get it alot in my current day job (marine industry)- the men call and want to talk to a tech or "one of the guys"- It's even funnier when I ask them what the problem is and then proceed to answer all their questions.... LOL I'm just a girl....I don't know nothin'


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## kuan (Jun 11, 2001)

We were just out of town and wanted to have dinner. One of two choices was the People's Cafe.

Wife: How is the fish done?

Server: It's fried.

Wife: Hmm... and the half chicken?

Server: That's also fried.

Wife: What's on the menu that isn't fried?

Server: Most of it is fried, you can get the steak.

Wife: What about the pork tenderloin?

Server: It's a slice of pork

Wife: Is it fried?

Server: (looks at the menu) Hmmm.. doesn't say fried. I don't think so.

Wife: <sigh> I'll have that

So the pork "tenderloin" comes out, and it's breaded and fried. 

Desperate to get something in our stomachs and dealing with a very active 3 year old, she tries to pick off the "breading" but can't. Seems like they know how to deep fry their food there.


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## juliap (Sep 2, 2006)

Don't be too hard on the guy for calling you "hon". He really didn't mean to offend. Some of these "good ol' Southern boys" really don't know better, and they are at least working for a living. You could do him a favor next time he calls on you and say, "My name is Mary Jane." No guarantee that he'll get the point!! If you live in a big city where the company has other sales persons, you could write an anonymous letter to the company's sales manager that his sales staff might benefit from an etiquette seminar to include "how not to address the client". Of course, you might have to explain to that sales manager just what you mean.:lol:


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

Kuan- let me guess they serve FRIES with that??? LOL next time- order salad!!


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## mochefs (Mar 8, 2007)

RE: the whole 'dear', 'hon', etc. thing

I have to admit, I just don't get it. The question is "intent". Are the servers intentions to be pleasant? Are they trying to be welcoming? Do they mean anything negative? 

Why on earth would you be upset at someone calling you 'dear', 'hon', etc. if the intentions are pure? I grew up in the deep south, and 'darlin' and 'dear' were a normal part of conversation. It wasn't a 'pet name', it was just the vernacular. I got out of the habit when one of my friends told me a story about how they had gotten into trouble at work because they had unknowingly said 'dear' to a woman whose computer they were repairing. My friend and this woman were very friendly up to this point, but later in the day he was called in to human resources because the woman had complained that it was a form of sexual harassment. I figured then and there that whether I 'get it' or not I had better take it out of my own form of speech. (although I still do it around family and friends)

But make no mistake, I still don't get it or agree with it. These people (the vast majority of the time) don't mean anything denigrating whatsoever, they are just trying to be friendly. And isn't the intent what matters? I can *say* the nicest things in the world, but if I roll my eyes, glare at you, or otherwise make it clear that I don't like you wouldn't you understand the intent? I just don't understand punishing someone who in no way meant to offend you. If it's a friend of yours, or a co-worker that you see every day, etc. then by all means take them aside and gently explain to them that it bothers you. But a server or other person that you randomly come across?

Many years ago I walked right up to a co-worker and told them they had some dirt on their head...they looked confused...I said "right here" and proceeded to wipe the smudge off of their forehead. I then discovered that there was this thing called "Ash Wednesday" during Lent. I was positively mortified of course and wanted to find a place to curl up and die, and they had a good laugh at my expense, but should that person have been offended instead that I didn't know about their religion? What's the difference?


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

And it works the other way, too.

I remember one time up in Maine when a waitress jumped all over me for saying "maam."

Rather stridently she insisted that "I'm not so old that you need to be maaming me." Having been raised in the Northeast, I can keep up with any of them, and inquired if she'd prefer b**ch. And her tip reflected her attitude.

But overall, I'll take the civilized south where, as mochefs points out, "honey," and "darlin'," are part of the vernacular. And where "sir" and "maam" are merely polite ways of addressing people.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

I, too, have lived in the South where hon and dear are part of the vernacular. My problem is that the "words" have migrated north, but the intent didn't come with it. Here it's done to make a bigger tip, to put the customer on the same level as the server (when the server feels a bit inadequate in his/her job) and it rings quite hollow.

My salesman was ranting to me the other day about a client he has a hard time with. He said he calls her ma'am after she's given him a hard time. I assume, knowing this pompous ***, that he says something along the lines of "I'm just doing my job......, Ma'am." Why do I know this? I called him last week and left him a message to tell him I needed a credit on a case of beans and wanted to give him a heads up before he came in in case he had to get a credit slip first. He called me back and asked what I was so upset about as it was only a case of beans. I asked what he was talking about and he told me to "relax" that a case of beans was nothing to get in a tizzy about. Let me assure you, I was NOT in any kind of tizzy until he said that! When my tizzy level was on the rise, he started in with the "ma'am" bull. I hung up on him.

He probably told his next stop that I was a victim of PMS or some other equally sexist crap.


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

"He probably told his next stop that I was a victim of PMS or some other equally sexist crap."

A friend of mine's wife has a bumper sticker that addresses that very question, Lentil:

"I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions?"


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Mine would say, "I don't need any excuses. Any questions?"


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

I love that one!!!


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## chefseason (Mar 5, 2007)

My husband and I went to a little cafe once where we just ordered dessert. After ordering pecan pie alamode we soon found that the young waitress had forgotten the "alamode" part. When we called her attention to her mistake my husband also mentioned that pecan pie is usually warmed first before serving. We watched the gal with amazement as she scooped ice cream on top of the pie then shoved the dishes into the microwave. She then brought the whole sloppy mess to our table dripping a trail of ice cream the entire length of the restaurant.
Sometimes I am tempted to clutch a clipboard containing phoney forms and an instant read thermometer in my breast pocket. Do you think that would scare them enough to give us better service?


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

It would give the management a scare, but much of the help wouldn't bat an eye.


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

LOL oh KY- LMAO THAT would have made a great meal!!! LOL (I'm afraid to ask what she said??)

And Mochefs- the whole ash wednesday thing.... I think we all just call those things... learning experiences! We've all had them.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Big Grizzly - I find common sense in what you mention. Having moved into a country area in the last few years I've received no end of "Darl", "Luv", "dear" etc etc, but it just seems to be the local thing. This is not only from restaurants but places like when I'm being served petrol, or in a convenience store etc. While I found it strange at first, the oddness has worn off. When in Rome do as the Romans do, if they rub blue mud into their belly buttons you may as well join in, and don't sweat the small stuff I say. The world could do with more tolerance and not only in restaurants. 

Hoppiing off my soapbox now


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

I've lived half of my life in Little Rock, Memphis, Baton Rouge and New Orleans....if you didn't mam' or sir an adult you got what for (and sometimes a physical reminder). It was one of the things I missed the most when my children lost those manners in our relocating to STL. BUT, there was an inherent edge to the salesman that Hon'd me.....it basically was part of an inference that I needed to rely on his expertise and not think too hard about the order. I didn't and placed my mega order elsewhere.....It absolutely is attitude and his was sorry......
I'm fairly laided back and usually just let hon's, mams,darlins, flow by....but when it's an Ol'Boy keepin' me in my place, then my eyes start squinting and my attitude becomes very brisk or if I'm in a very good mood I play with them then just hand them their head on a plate with a sweet smile.


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## ktc (Oct 5, 2007)

so you have all expressed places that you consider to be memorable..but apart from the food itself what makes these places/occasion different from all the others?

why do they stick in your memory and what are your feeling and emotions about them?


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

I haven't posted in quite some time, so when I got a notification that this thread had some action, I thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in.

Lately I seem to see servers who can't carry a couple of plates in one hand without lodging the second one firmly under a breast or up under the ribcage. When I was a server, this was not acceptable. Not only is this unappetizing, but their shirt is usually resting neatly on the edge of the plate which could present a cleanliness issue. I think it's because the size of the plates has grown from a normal 9 inch or so to a whopping 12 inch in diameter or 12 inch square. They too heavy to line them up the arm in good old diner style to to wedge 2 together in one hand. I'd welcome the return of trays if this is the case.

In answer to the most recent question relative to what makes a memorable dining experience, I'd have to say it's the service. If the service is great, nearly perfect and friendly, then mistakes can be made with the food. If the reverse is true and the food is perfect but the service is bad and the attitude of the server is poor, then I've had a bad meal.


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

I wanted to add that we ate in a local Italian place last Friday that has been written up as a "hidden jewel"- a "true family restaurant"- the owner was quoted as saying that he's raising his children in the business. I am cynical and think that he's just saving money on childcare; his wife owns attached salon and she won't allow kids in there. My husband really likes the food, which is NOT cheap, but I think it's just okay. They have a deck and he wanted to take advantage of this unseasonably (some would say weirdly) warm weather in early October. 

So anyway, we arrived at 7:30 and were waiting to be seated on the deck. Out the door of the bar comes this kid about 10-11 and he startes bouncing a soccer ball on his knee between 2 tables of diners. The hostess skirted around him to get to us while I concentrated on giving my husband the eye. You know the one; I was sending a telepathic message that said, "Why didn't we go elsewhere?" After a couple of minutes, the chef/owner calls sweetly to his son to please play soccer off the deck while complimenting him on his ball skills. 

Another time when we were there, a kid was tossing a wooden bocci ball on top of the corrugated metal roof and catching it as it rolled off. That was a sound we all want to hear while we're paying $20+/entree! That time I left my table to ask the little darling if he would please stop. He gave me a glare, but the other diners all nodded at me in gratitude. 

Needless to say, we don't go there often and if it weren't for the deck, I wouldn't bother at all.


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## ktc (Oct 5, 2007)

thats all very interesting to hear and seems that things take you away from the consentration of your meal, your company, and the real reason for dining out.

what exactly was the most memorable occasion you have had, and why do you remember it above all the others? not thinking about the food, or service, but more about the atmosphere, the company what you liked and disliked about the venue. what made it so speacial and more memorable than any other events..

that is the real reason behind fine dining experiences


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## harpua (May 4, 2005)

We thought we would try out a new Italian place close to our neighborhood. All.. we wanted was a good red sauce and wine. Is that so difficult? 
As soon as the waitress greeted us, my husband and I both knew that it wasn't going to be what we wanted. Also, the trickle of older folks coming in suggested that the food may be a little tame. 

We ordered Bruschetta which is easy to make, and instead we got chopped tomatoes sitting in a bowl of Italian dressing. We sent that one back (I've been getting really good at sending stuff back).

I had ravioli is Marsala cream sauce and it was good, but my husband's food was mediocre. 

I think about the "bruschetta" often, and now we are more likely to make it at home. I can also make a mean red sauce so there is no point in shelling out 9 bucks for it some where else.


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## american_suisse (Mar 9, 2007)

Never being one to be PC, I'm going out on a limb here and saying "So what?" I've been called many pet names by total strangers...and some names that would never be considered pet names!  Neither has ever bothered me. I think it's just the way some people choose to go in trying to make me feel welcome and I accept it as just that. Nothing more, nothing less. Some of the caustic comments posted on here make me wonder about mental security of the posters. Reminds me of when womens lib started to make inroads into American society. I saw a woman heading towards a door that I was almost at. Her arms were full of "stuff". Having been raised to open doors for ladies, to stand when a woman enters the room and to offer my seat to any elderly person, I did what would have made mom proud...I opened the door and stood aside for her to enter. Imagine my suprise when she stopped in front of me and basicly told me off for being polite. At that point I decided she wasn't a lady and told her that if she was going to be that rude, she could open her own door and proceeded to walk thru and close it. When I got to the elevators I turned to look at her. Yep...in trying to open the door with her arms fully laden she dropped everything. I saw a guy rushing to assist her and yelled to him not to bother. She was a libber and would not appreciate his help. So, we stood there and watched her. When she finally came in and approached the elevators I asked her if she wanted to join the human race and allow me to push the button for her or did she want to continue being rude? She chose rude so I entered the elevator and left her standing there.
Here in Switzerland younger people defer to elders. I've had kids apologize to me when I bumped into them! When an older person gets on the bus, usually a younger person will offer the seat to them. Men offer seats to women, regardless of age. Women offer seats to older men. If a woman or a man is pushing a stroller, whoever is close to them assist in getting the stroller on or off the bus. Sadly, the culture is slowing changing and becoming more like America where everyone is rude to everyone else. I think it was better when people were taught manners and were polite to everyone regardless of who they were. 
Being called hun or sugar has never ruined any meal for me. I use it as an opportunity to get to know a stranger.
Let the torching of me commence...


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## harpua (May 4, 2005)

Hmm.. 

I don't agree that everyone is America is rude to everyone else. Sure, some may be insincere and perhaps shallow or "fake," but I can think of many instances where strangers have helped me out. Like, when a car breaks down on the road, someone always stops their car to help push it. 

I'm not saying that America is the best country ever, but I've learned that almost everywhere, people are the same. There will always be idiots, rude jerk-offs, and generally nice people anywhere. As a rule, if you are nice to a stranger, chances are they will be the same in return.

I think I was going somewhere. What is this thread about again? :beer:


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## lentil (Sep 8, 2003)

Am-Suisse,

I agree that society isn't as civil as it once was in a lot of cases and I did my best to teach my kids to hold doors, defer to elders, and be polite in general. All this can be done preferably without using any other form of address besides the person's given name or Ma'am or Sir, or even (horrors!) no proper noun at all! I'm terribly sorry for stepping on your toe means just as much as I'm terribly sorry for stepping on your toe, Hon. Perhaps even more. 

I disagree with your opinion that when people call you diminutive names, they're doing it with the best of intentions. Some are, certainly, but others do it to place themselves above you (or me, as the case may be). Or they do it to make you THINK they're calling you baby names because they care about you when they're just trying to make a bigger tip. It's phony at the very least.

You may think I'm a witch for being militant about strangers calling me terms of endearment in restaurants, but you ought to hear me when the subject comes up about nurses and aids calling their patients cute names.


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## jayme (Sep 5, 2006)

I think sometimes the term itself implies a meaning... an older person calling me "sweetie" when we are having a polite exchange, does not feel offensive. Ethnicity also figures- an individual from UK calling me "luv" is not offensive. But someone calling me "dear" with a sarcastic tone, or trying to sweet talk me with a "darlin"" - that feels patronizing and that is offensive. Manners haven't changed- they just don't seem to be taught to our youth anymore. I am forever coursing "please" and "thank you" out of my own children when they make requests of me. They have been taught to use manners since they learned to speak, but it is not supported by their peers, or at school. So it is almost like I have re-teach it frequently. 
And in regard to dining out- servers must be so used to lack of manners, that when you actually USE them, they are shocked. I make my children say "thank you" when our server puts their plate in front of them. And I always ask if I may please have some more water, etc.. Some servers seem so surprised.... I thought that was to be expected.... ???

And KY ,(it was KY ??) for your question about what makes a really memorable meal ... I think it is a few things.... 1st a good occasion that has brought you there- not the I've just worked a 10 hr day and I'm too exhausted to cook.... but the birthday, or promotion, or ...??? when you come to the restaurant to actually enjoy yourself..... good service- prompt and polite, & good food, obviously- but good service can make average food seem better, and bad service can make excellant food seem average.... but incredible service isn't going to make lousy food seem great. And trully extraordinary meals have something else... something you weren't planning on.... maybe a gift from your date, maybe the chef comes by and greets you, maybe absolutely amazing food or incredible presentation, or a celebrity in the house, or ...????


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## american_suisse (Mar 9, 2007)

I don't think anyone is a witch lentil. (I could never think that of a fellow New Hampshirean!) But I do find it amusing that terms like hon are not okay but using the term ma'am is. I dated a young woman a loooooong time ago. Whe I went to meet her mother for the first time I said something to the effect of "Nice to meet you ma'am." and almost lost my head for it. To her, ma'am was short for me calling her a prostitute. Funny now but at the time...


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## alisha (Nov 6, 2007)

Where i work it is sometimes just peoples backgrounds that cause them to use "pet" names when serving guests. We have one girl ... she said Ya'll a lot... we finally got her to break the habit after about 6 months but it's hard for some... we are also not allowed to say ma'am or sir... it makes some people feel really old... it's always better to use ladies and gentlemen...


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## layla17 (Nov 12, 2007)

It's funny how ma'am can be construed into meaning different things and have different connotations/dennotations. I find it much safer just to use "sir" and "miss."


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## lyle (Jan 9, 2008)

Because some people enjoy being upset. They are never happier than when creating friction or expressing outrage. So they look for any excuse, and make the worst assumptions possible about the intent of others. These people are tedious to be around. I leave them alone to stew in their own poison.

Me? I assume that the server who calls me "Hon" is trying to be friendly. I like friendly. I'll assume that she is being friendly because making that assumption makes the dining experience more pleasant. I don't go into a restaurant looking for a chance to pitch a fit, I go there wanting to enjoy the meal.

Of course, these terms of endearment are the kind of informality that are more surprising to find in some places than others. I would not expect to be called "Dear" by a member of the wait staff in a $100 a plate restaurant with starched livery, but it would not surprise me in a café right off the freeway.

Here's an example of an occasion when a waitress used a term of endearment to good effect. I was heading west on I-80 from Salt Lake to the coast, and had stopped at a café in Winnemucca for dinner. Had a nice, light chicken something. The place was pretty quiet, so I asked the waitress about the road conditions, how far it was to Reno, what happened to the A&W, etc. She was friendly, in her 60's I'd guess, tall, thin, grey of hair and gravelly of voice. Empty dishes simply vanished, and my Diet Coke refilled itself as if by magic-- signs of attentive, unobtrusive service.

She asked if I would like anything for dessert. I thought for a second. She looked off towards the case where the pies were. "Our apple pie is awful good. We make it here." The case had a mirror at the top so you could see the tops of the pies. The apple pie did indeed look good. How did they get that crust? 

She could see me weakening: "I could warm it up for you. Serve it with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream." 

Me: "Gee, I don't know..."

Then she got ruthless: "I can smother it in whipped cream."

Me (reluctantly): "Oh, man. Maybe on the trip back..."

Her (mock serious): "Sweetheart, if you don't have yourself that piece of pie a la mode with whipped cream on top, you're going to hate yourself all the way to Reno. You know you will."

Of course she was right. I had the pie, the best apple pie I can remember having in my entire long life. I was happy all the way to Sacratomato. I tipped her extravagantly, and on subsequent visits to the café always hoped to find her, but she must have retired.

On the other hand, if she had been young, and called me "Gramps"...



...heck, I probably would still have had the pie!


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## mpeirson (Jan 10, 2008)

Posted by Lyle: "Because some people enjoy being upset. They are never happier than when creating friction or expressing outrage. So they look for any excuse, and make the worst assumptions possible about the intent of others. These people are tedious to be around. I leave them alone to stew in their own poison."

Lyle, I totally agree with you. If you watch the news for just five minutes a day, you would or at least should realize that being called "hon" or "dear" when eating at a restaurant (when people go hungry everyday) is the least of the human race's problems!!! Just my two cents...


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## andyg (Aug 27, 2007)

A bug lamp in the dining area should serve as a warning . . . 

Happened to me in Oak Ridge, OR. The big ZAP once in a while didn't help the atmosphere.


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## andyg (Aug 27, 2007)

But then again, the place was called the Sportsman's Cafe. Maybe the bug lamp was part of the theme.


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## lyle (Jan 9, 2008)

Of course, you hate to see staff sleeping on a dirty mattress under a table in the corner. That was in Cebu, in the Philippines. The cat that sat patiently hoping for a scrap of chicken was OK, though.


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## andyg (Aug 27, 2007)

I got a good laugh from that, Lyle


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## hwood (Mar 17, 2008)

Recently I went to a new Provencal restaurant in our area. The hostess was young and indifferent, but we did get seated, although with more difficulty than necessary. Our waitress recommended a seafood special, and since she assured me that all the seafood had come in fresh that moning, I decided to try it. Well, it wasn't awful, but it was bland, mediocre, and nowhere near as fresh as promised. I had no intention of ruining our evening with a fuss, and just ate some and planned to try the restaurant again when it had had time to even out a little. The waitress returned to the table and said "Didn't you love your special? Wasn't it delicious?" In a pleasant and friendly way I replied "It was quite all right." She drew back, glared at me, and said with heavy sarcasm "Well, perhaps you'd like to give our chef some instruction." Still cheerfully, I said "Now let's not go there, this is a friendly discussion," and indicated that we would like to see the dessert menu. She gave us reluctant and sullen service after that, and I certainly will not give the restaurant a second chance. 
Now tell me, y'all, what gives here? I hadn't volunteered my opinion, but I certainly was not going to go along with her demand that I praise the dish when it was quite poor, and I didn't even say that it was poor. It seems to me that the wait-staff shouldn't ask for an opinion if they are going to become rude when given anything but praise. Many of us have the chance to travel to major cities and eat in very good restaurants, and we are not gong to exult over food that just doesn't deserve it, so if the staff doesn't want our opinion, why ask?


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## irish foodie (Sep 16, 2008)

my absolute bug bear in restaurants is when the server leaves the food down and says 'enjoy'. as opposed to what? is it an instruction? even if i don't like it must i enjoy it? grrr. but that's just my own little personal bug bear and probably irrational. 

to go back to the original posters posting, i think that a quick trip to the loo will very quickly tell me if i want to eat in the restaurant. if the owners allow the loo to be a total mess then that's it with me. what on earth is the kitchen (which i can't see) like?

about calling me 'dear' 'hon' etc. this has never actually been done to me. i live in ireland and i don't think it is the norm to say things like that. but maybe others have experienced it, i don't know. but i know that when i have been in older establishments in dublin where the server is a 'dub' and they have said 'love' - as in, try the apple pie love it's really good, then i would never take offence at that - it's just part of their every day speech. yes, i would be surprised if staff at one of the 'fine dining' restaurants said that, but in a cafe/bar/casual eaterie, then no, simply because it is the way the speak and it is only being friendly.

about the 'hi, my name is xxxxx and i'll be your server tonight', you could simply say 'and my name is yyyyy and i'll be your customer tonight'. but i suppose we have to remember, it is the manager/owner who decides on such ridiculous things to say.

generally when we dine out we do it to enjoy the night and unless things get really dire as in very bad service, bad food, etc. i tend to be fairly relaxed PROVIDING the staff are welcoming, friendly and attentive. a pleasant server buffers the sins of the kitchen imo.

if i am eating out in a place i could visit often (ie local) then i only ever complain if i think the staff/management clearly show they do welcome the customer. in other words, if it is clear that they don't really care then i don't waste my breath complaining - i just don't return.


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## rpmcmurphy (Jan 8, 2008)

if the plates are over 20$ a pop and I'm served butter that looks like this.










or if the servers plays "auctioneer" with the plates for the table...

"Filet Medium-Rare?" then looks around the table waiting for someone to "bid" on it with a "right here"


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Sorry, out of place post.

I'm not sure I like this new server.


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## tilion (Oct 30, 2006)

I totally agree. Or it's a $10 burger and the mayo arrives in little plastic packets.

-M


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## d.c. (Nov 2, 2008)

A hostess popping bubble gum ...

a filthy restaurant with greasy tables and seating patched with duct tape ...

an interminable wait after being seated just to receive a menu ...

the restaurant is out of specials even though dinner service just started ...

auctioning meals ...

the sporadic arrival of meals i.e. some people are served while others in the same party have to wait ...

lettuce that's turning brown ...

salads infested with bugs ...

a sloppily plated meal sitting in a puddle of congealing grease ...

no managers in sight throughout the entire meal service ... a meal served without silverware ...

a meal served without an offer of the the appropriate condiments ...

a manager who looks at your unsatisfactory meal and says, "Well I don't see anything wrong with it" ...

no follow up after the meal was served to see if everything was satisfactory ...

no offers to refill beverages ...

a ticket being delivered with no offer of coffee or dessert ...

servers with attitude i.e. _I once had a server who was in such a foul mood that she slammed my food in front of me, sloshing the chowder and scattering the fish and chips _...

an unappetizing looking bus cart covered with greasy dirty plates that's wheeled in front of your table while you're dining and left there ...

a server who wants to argue about the size of his or her gratuity after having provided indifferent or poor service ...


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## lyle (Jan 9, 2008)

An additional comment about terms of endearment...

There's a local restaurant I frequent that's a semi-cafeteria style place with nice décor and food that is almost always very good. The young lady who often cooks for me is very sweet and friendly, and happy to provide little bits of extra service. I always thank her, often with "Thank you, sweetheart!" It makes her smile.

I noticed lately that she takes pains to always select for me the largest chicken Cordon Bleu, the nicest-looking tenderloin, the fattest stuffed chicken breast, etc. So, it works both ways.


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