# Menu Cliches



## greg (Dec 8, 1999)

Crudeau suggested this topic, thought it deserved it's own thread. Here's the ones that I can't stand.
"grilled to perfection"- if I ever have my own place, my menu will state either, "grilled to mediocrity" or "grilled according to the cook's mood".
 anything "scented" with something, e.g. "scented with lemongrass".
 "flame-broiled"- as opposed to water-broiled, I guess.
I've got more, just don't want to take all the good ones. 

[ March 10, 2001: Message edited by: Greg ]


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## palmier (Oct 17, 2000)

Assorted Fruit Pie.....Can I just get apple, or do I need to settle for the assorted?


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## cape chef (Jul 31, 2000)

"Jumbo Shrimp"
oximoron


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## foodnfoto (Jan 1, 2001)

How about "bursting with flavor"?
I sorry, but I don't think that anything "bursting" in my mouth is a positive sensation-it usually means that the food is spoiled.
What else would food have anyway, but flavor?


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

LOL~ what a hoot!!!!
Farm Fresh~not everything on a farm is fresh....though I did get a freshly laid warm egg yesterday which was really wonderful!
Homemade....whose home?????


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## cape chef (Jul 31, 2000)

"fresh Frozen"


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## pete (Oct 7, 2001)

This digresses just a little, but I find it very amusing. The chef I work with refuses to put plain old chicken on the menu. He prefers to run capon. The only problem is that our customers don't know what capon is and it doesn't sell that much. We tried to come up with new names for it to make it sell. We couldn't call it free-range chicken or amish chicken, that would be a down-right lie, but we wanted to give it a special designation. Finally, I came up with FARM-RAISED CHICKEN (as opposed to city-raised?!). Now we can't keep enough of it inhouse. LOL!!!!!!!


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## foodnfoto (Jan 1, 2001)

Hey Pete-
How about "eunuch rooster" for your happy old capons?


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## david jones (Jan 15, 2000)

I like the classics: 

"Fifty cents extra for Blue Cheese" and "Not responsible for steaks ordered well-done"


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## mofo1 (Oct 15, 2000)

This doesn't quite fit with the theme, but I hate ka-bobs of any kind. My Father has them in his restaurant. A pain to make, and a pain to eat. I tried to talk him into calling them meatsicles but he chickened out.


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## palmier (Oct 17, 2000)

CATCH OF THE DAY...YEA RIGHT!


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## nick.shu (Jul 18, 2000)

heheh, kebabs, nice and 64.5 deg celsius on the outside, raw and 22.5 degs on the inside.

how bout :"chefs specials/favourites" when taking a new job and slowing shaking your head when these are made and presented.

Sometimes i think that "lovingly prepared by our chefs" doesnt quite cut it on the day when things are going wrong, customers are making rediculous requests and everyone is making a habit of stuffing everything up.

or perhaps "homemade". When was the last time a chef surprised the owner by bringing atleast a whole weeks worth of prep into work from home.

hehe.


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Crudeau: what's wrong with deep-fat fried sushi? We sometimes make it at the restaurant as a special hors d'oeuvre, with a tempura batter. Tasty!


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

This is a great thread!!!! Nick shu what is stuffing something up??

My farmer's have no clue how to caponize a rooster....apparently there is a skill to it. I'd like to see it happen for the better monetary return they get.

organic honey....no such thing, bees don't know the difference in what flowers they pollenate.

[ March 12, 2001: Message edited by: shroomgirl ]


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

oh yeah what about lite, natural, etc....what a joke!!!


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## momoreg (Mar 4, 2000)

My boss loves changing the names of dishes that we've already named. Why, I don't know. But one of them killed me, it was so funny, a peach tart suddenly became a peach tarte, and whatever accompaniment I had with it was gone, and replaced with "slathered in peach ice cream". Slathered? That sounds like a mess! We tried to really smear it on there!!!


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## mezzaluna (Aug 29, 2000)

It's the mispelling and pomposity that get me. If you're going to use foreign languages to spruce up your descriptions, at least bother to get a good dictionary and spell things right! (Almondine for Amandine, etc.)But I think spelling errors are the worst. Sorry, that's the teacher in me squawking.


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## pete (Oct 7, 2001)

There was a menu of a local restaurant being passed around by chefs. There were a lot of amusing (and disgusting) menu items, such as: a tuna app with "wasabi teased with raspberry" or the veal that sat "in a pool of mushroom ragout". Besides these funny terms, the spelling was absolutely terrible. Julienned spelled 3 different ways and at least 10 other spelling errors on a one page menu!!! That is one of my major pet peeves!


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## greg (Dec 8, 1999)

"Made fresh daily" Of course, you won't be served the stuff that was made that day. You'll be eating the stuff that was made the day before.
Anything "nestled" or "cradled". I'm a cook, dangit, not a wet nurse!
Any "tender, juicy" cuts of meat. Somehow I think most people aren't looking for dried out and chewy.
Btw, Foodnfoto, regarding food and flavor; you obviously haven't eaten food made by the last chef I worked for. Flavorless stock, flavorless, lumpy brown sauce, flavorless cabbage rolls, etc. were his forte'. If he could only find a way to market that, he'd be rich!


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## papa (Oct 5, 2001)

My most favorite:

"All Natural" or "Natural". 

How about "Unnatural or partially natural olive oil" for example?


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## papa (Oct 5, 2001)

Another favorite one of mine:

"Please be sitted. The waiter will take your order and we'll have you served and on your way in no time"!


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## nick.shu (Jul 18, 2000)

err, shroom, stuffing up is getting stuff wrong - errors et al.


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## palmier (Oct 17, 2000)

What about "homemade"? Did they make it at home then bring it to the restaurant? Maybe they meant it's prepared the same way you would make it at home. If that is so, then why did I go to this restaurant, when I could eat at home?


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## foodnfoto (Jan 1, 2001)

Spelling errors on menus always indicate to me which restaurant owners/chefs are just faking it. There is a restaurant nearby that, by all outward indications, should be a real foodie's paradise--then you open the menu. "Shitake" mushrooms, "aragala" salad, and maytag bleu cheese--and they post this thing in a brass frame outside the place!! They may as well put up a sign--"We are trying to look fancy, but we really don't know much about food!" I say sell the frame and buy a $12 Food Lover's Companion.*Food Lover's Companion*.


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Foodnfoto 

I agree with you completely.


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## coolj (Dec 12, 2000)

"lightly breaded" & "nicely finished"
"Served with a Smile"


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## pooh (Mar 13, 2001)

Tartare "Well-done"...


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## papa (Oct 5, 2001)

"GAZETERIA"!!!

I see this restaurant sign from the freeway every time I go to New York!    

(I just love these little faces!)


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## marzoli (Nov 17, 2000)

How about HO-MADE . . .


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## isa (Apr 4, 2000)

Best in the world...


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## m brown (May 29, 1999)

NEW AND IMPROVED!

A friend went to a restaurant and had Chillean (sorry for the spelling) Sea Bass
and it was seved with an Italian red sauce, his question, "is it now Italian Sea Bass?"


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## anneke (Jan 5, 2001)

Chilean sea bass is an endangered specie at the moment. Maybe we should all lay off it for a while and opt instead for the 'italian sea bass'!


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## mofo1 (Oct 15, 2000)

My God, I can't believe I forgot this. A VERY dumpy restaurant in my town had this on their sign: "Incredibly....Edibly....ADEQUATE"!!! This was probably 10 years ago and I still think that's hilarious.


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## mofo1 (Oct 15, 2000)

My God, I can't believe I forgot this. A VERY dumpy restaurant in my town had this on their sign: "Incredibly....Edibly....ADEQUATE"!!! This was probably 10 years ago and I still think that's hilarious. It stayed up there for months.


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## nutcakes (Sep 5, 2000)

Fog City Diner still posts:

No Crybabies


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## pastachef (Nov 19, 1999)

Speaking of a word misspelled...a former house director once hung a sign in my kitchen that asked the girls to please return their bowels to the kitchen! LOL! And that is the way she promounced the word 'bowls' also.


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## greg (Dec 8, 1999)

While we're on misspellings...

There's a pizza and sub place here that has a marquee sign on the outside of the building. Once, they posted this, "Now hiring closers." Drove by the following day and during the night, someone had stolen the "c". Had to pull over till I stopped laughing!

[ March 22, 2001: Message edited by: Greg ]


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## mofo1 (Oct 15, 2000)

That sounds like something I would do....er uhh, I mean woulda done, uh, when I was younger, yeah that's it. Not now of course. I'm MUCH too mature for that sort of thing. I also would never have my wife call the courtesy counter at our local mall on a pay phone from inside the mall and ask to have her husband paged. The name? Hugh Jasss!
No sirreee! My sense of humor is much more sophisticated than that.


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

MOFO~ you've made my morning, I just love that pubiscent humor....I'm starting on taxes and I just neede to laugh this morning.

*I know what really gets me going is "wild" on cultivated mushrooms...THEY ARE NOT WILD 
if you plant them....comeon.


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## palmier (Oct 17, 2000)

...So, I'm driving north of Milwaukee a few years ago when I pass a "Big Boy" restaurant. The sign in front was missing the G in big....I had to pull over to stop from laughing. Another time I saw a sign at a buffet that said "over baked chicken". I think they meant oven baked....


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## papa (Oct 5, 2001)

Dear Friends:

I was going through some of my old photographs looking for something that I could use on my web site for a fish recipe.

I came across a photo that I took of the menu of a fish restaurant on the island of Lesvos, Greece. It is a great photo of fresh fish with a huge sign that reads:

FRESH LESBIAN FISH! ORGANICALLY GROWN LESBIAN CHICKENs!

You have to understand that the equivalent of the letter "V" in Greek is the letter "B". It was an innocent mistake that drew the attention of all the English speaking tourists.


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## jim berman (Oct 28, 1999)

"Shrimp Scampi"... doesn't Scampi mean Shrimp in Italian. And for that matter, how do you make Chicken Scampi. Doesn't that mean Chicken Shrimp?


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## nick.shu (Jul 18, 2000)

maybe not a menu cliche or a food item, but to those in the know still quite funny.

I was working in an establishment, and a letter arrived for the owner, titled " to the Chief Chef".

Hmm, i wonder if that is the same as "Boss Boss"?.

Not just silly, but really dumb.


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## duffy781 (May 8, 2015)

Best thing I ever saw was tempura fried avocados with "a Uniqely Complimenting Dipping Sauce." Granted it was luxury seating at the movie theater, but still... Made me laugh, though. 
It's always fun for us cooks in the kitchen to sarcastically name items we don't know how to describe to the public, and it's sloppy but hilarious to see some of that make it to the menu.


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## skamper (Apr 19, 2015)

"Grandma's Favourite" or "Mom's Secret" anything. Unless it's a small family-run restaurant, don't even try.


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