# Useless kitchen tools!



## ritzy (Jan 18, 2010)

What is the most useless piece of kitchen equipment you have, or have had? I moved recently and had to downsize my "stuff" and some of my kitchen bits and bobs just had to go. When I really looked at it, it wasnt a difficult choice, but I am very interested to see what others feel are over rated, expensive or useless tools in their kitchen.


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## siduri (Aug 13, 2006)

I'd say the most silly tool is an electric can opener, when hand operated ones work fine, and occupy much less space. Next most silly one that comes to mind is the grapefruit knife (or special jagged-edged grapefruit spoon). When i discovered that using any ordinary teaspoon i could very easily gouge out the segments of a grapefruit, i felt like a fool for having cut around them all those years. 
But i don;t own either of them - i discovered the uselessness of these when i was still living with my family many many years ago. 

I also have done away with meat thermometers and measuring spoons - i use a thin knife to feel the temperature of meat and i use my ordinary teaspoons and tablespoons and yes they are less accurate but i never noticed a problem in any of even the most delicate cakes. 

The flour guard of the kitchenaid mixer. Yeah, it keeps the flour from going all over the floor when you add flour to bread dough, but you can't see what you're doing when it's on and it's such a pain in the neck to use i bought it, used it once, and relegated it to the back of my corner cabinet.


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## allie (Jul 21, 2006)

I actually love the grapefruit knife but not for it's intended use. I like to use it for peeling tomatoes, kiwi...any of the thin skinned fruits. I know you can eat those peels but tomato peel is like plastic in my mouth and that fuzz on the kiwi is just gross to me. lol The slender blade and serrated edge makes it easier to use peeling the thin skin away on those slick fruits.

I have one of those rotary cheese graters. To me, it's annoying to try to use it so it just sits in a the drawer. Another item is the tomato slicer my son bought me. Supposedly, you can put the tomato in there and make perfect slices. NOT! The tomatoes never fit in it and it's just too flimsy to hold anything. 

I'm sure I could think of others.


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Avocado slicers, hands down. 

I never saw the point of them. And after Friend Wife bought one, I thought even less of them.


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## deltadoc (Aug 15, 2004)

1. Rival cool touch deep fyrer. Never gets even close to 350 let alone 375F. I tested it a tried and true thermometer.

2. A nutmeg slicer with a tube for storing maybe 3-4 whole nutmegs. Trouble is, it isn't airtight, so the nutmegs can't stay fresh, and you can't judge the pressure you're putting on the nutmeg like you can with an old fashioned grater where you hold the nutmeg with your fingers.

3. Rolling parsley slicer. Totally useless.

4. Tropicana individual orange juice containers. The straw doesn't click tight like its supposed to, and since they did away with the aluminum punch hole, I can get the straw to punch through the waxed cardboard container. 

5. Pineapple corer. The core is always bigger than the corer hole!

6. Non-stick coated spatulas meant for flipping food on the griddle or grill. Give me plain old heavy duty metal with a sharp edge so I can scrape the grill clean.

doc


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## gunnar (Apr 3, 2008)

those plastic shrimp deveiners. I have never had one work right and my hands and a pairing knife make short work of cleaning shrimp. 

oh yeah and those sectioned pie slicers, they don't cut through the crust they just squish the pie into the bottom of the pan. my eyeball and a sharp knife are way better.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Goodgrief there's junk out ther I hadn't heard of even yet imagined. I've had to pare down my gear lately for moving....but I couldn't part with any of my kitchen tools. If I had to ditch one item, it would be the electric juicer. Used it once, very nice looking bit of kit, but a horror to clean.

Oh, and my wooden honey drizzler stick thingy. But it looks too cute to throw out


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## phatch (Mar 29, 2002)

Lifting forks, those big oversized tines for muitlating a roast or a turkey. 

They belong in a bad ninja movie or a documentary about hay baling pygmies.


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## petalsandcoco (Aug 25, 2009)

I was at Ares Kitchen supplies and saw three things that left me puzzled, which I would never buy among alot of other stuff.

1- egg separator 
2- Pot lid rest
3- pancake dispenser

Oh and a jar and bottle vice. First it does not open a jar if my life depended on it and 2nd it takes up too much space for nothing because of the size. Where is a good jar opener besides hot water and a whack with a knife ?


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## kirstens (Jul 3, 2009)

A lemon / lime handheld juicer.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

What the heck is a pancake dispenser? Something like a card dealing machine? heh

Those vices are useless indeed. Give me a heavy knife and a damp cloth anytime.


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## maryb (Mar 21, 2008)

On jars try the pointy end of a cheap can opener under the edge of the lid. Pry out until the vacuum releases. Works well for me and I have arthritis pretty bad.


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## stormwarning (Mar 3, 2009)

I was in the grocery store last week and the woman behind me was buying a plastic banana slicer. She and the clerk were gushing over it, marveling at the idea they could now have even, identical slices of banana. A third woman chimed in and said she couldn't live without it. What's the world come to when people can't slice a simple banana?


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## dillonsmimi (Dec 2, 2009)

Those silicone spatulas with the spoon shaped edge. How about the little plastic doodad that SCRAMBLES EGGS RIGHT IN THE SHELL!!!! (scuse the caps but that commercial is SO LOUD!)


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## allie (Jul 21, 2006)

I have one of those silicone spatulas with the spoon edge and love it. It really comes in handy when mixing cookie batters.

I also have a pancake dispenser.......kinda like a funnel/bowl with an opening at the bottom and a trigger to release the pancake batter into the pan. I think it's a total waste of time and space but Les loves it when he makes pancakes.


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

For me, without a doubt, is the "eggstractor" (I think that's what they call it...but I named it the "eggasperator"). Its this device that (theorhetically) de-shells hard cooked eggs. You thoroughly crack the egg and put it into this thing, and with a single downward thrust, the shell (supposedly) is blown off and you have a perfectly shelled egg. A dear friend bought into one of those TV specials ... "but wait---act NOW, and we'll send you two for the price of one". And I was the recipient of the extra one! 
Now, I will say it did provide us an evening's worth of entertainment. First we debated on the proper way to cook eggs. We cooked a dozen. Six her way, six mine. And when they were done and completely cooled, we had a shelling contest. She used her marvelous new machine. I did mine the old fashioned way. Her first egg literally blew apart. The second one took several plunges to give it up. In the meantime, I had shelled all six of my eggs before she had started on the third one. 

I still have it stored in the nether-regions back under the kitchen sink. Anyone want it?


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## shipscook (Jan 14, 2007)

Hey, you need one of those things that makes hard cooked eggs square to go with it--hehe, couldn't help myself?
Nan


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## ivanthetrble (Jan 5, 2010)

I recently went through every cupboard in my kitchen and cleaned out unused items. Without a doubt the item I found that was the least (re: NEVER) used was a Salad Shooter. I think I recieved this as a gift about 15-20 years ago and I _may_ have used it one time. It is also possible that it has never been used. Hopefully Goodwill will find it a good home.


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Hey, Nan. I love my egg cuber. 

Not the sort of thing you use everyday. But the first time you serve square stuffed eggs to a guests the look on their faces is well worth the effort.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Aha....they are a boy toy then  (as opposed to a toy boy) Thanks for the clarification.


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## kylew (Aug 14, 2000)

My garlic roaster. Foil seems to work just fine...


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## gunnar (Apr 3, 2008)

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

the strawberry hull remover.....???
just lame.


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## french fries (Sep 5, 2008)

Last time we visited a kitchen tool store, my dad almost bought me a clip-on spoon rest. When I realized he was about to buy it for me, I implored him to put it back on the shelves, explaining I had enough dishes and utensils and accessories to wash and store as it is!


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## kirstens (Jul 3, 2009)

Didn't Rachel Ray make a line of spoons with a handle? Can't stand her.......and she's probably making millions off that stupid idea.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

You kidding me that thing exists - what about a saucer, if you must, on the bench top?


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## ritzy (Jan 18, 2010)

I usually just rest myutensil across the handle, after shaking it off of course. Means I use the same spoon or whatever in the same pot, if I have more than one on the go.


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## koukouvagia (Apr 3, 2008)

Take it easy now Siduri, meat thermometers and measuring spoons are very useful to some of us.

I like my clip on spoon rest, but only if I have a lot of pots going at the same time and not enough space to put all the spoons down or I'm too likely to use the wrong spoons.

I have a glass cutting board that is useless.


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## chefboyarg (Oct 28, 2008)

In university I had a Foreman Grill. The epitome of uselessness.


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

I had one of those. It didn't last long enough to be deemed "useless". Hubbydearest is death on things breakable. That's why our coffeemaker has a stainless caraffe.


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## boar_d_laze (Feb 13, 2008)

Reserve it for serving -- as a cheeseboard, for instance. Otherwise, throw it out. You don't want anyone to get a hold of it and use it as a cutting board. Glass boards are death on knife edges. 

BDL


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## siduri (Aug 13, 2006)

Yeah, i know, that was a bit of my polemic nature coming out. But it is a post about personal opinions, no?

I rarely have space to put spoons down and a saucer is one more thing to wash for those without dishwashers, but the problem i can foresee with the clip on spoon rest, is that you are very likely to burn your hands on the spoon since it sticks out beyond the pot and gets some of the heat from below,


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## oliver b (Oct 9, 2009)

garlic peelers and spoon rests.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Glass cutting boards make great lids for terracotta pot terrariums, and double as a coffee table. I hate the things, but it makes for a cheap table.

Other uses for other useless tools, anyone?


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

I was in the grocery store the other day and I saw was plastic lettuce knife! I looked at it and thought.. iceburg is supposed to be torn, not cut... and looked at the other gadgets they were offering the suburbanites! 

Mind you I do have a best kitchen tool... I have no idea what the thing is called and a former KM found it at a dollar store. It's a halo on a stick and it is used to de-seed canteloupe and honeydew melons. Best invention ever!


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## leeniek (Aug 21, 2009)

I have two glass boards and I use them either for serving or under my crockpots on the counter. (and yes I have two crockpots too...lol)


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Crockpots make good herb planters...with a glass board on top.
Ah j/k, I like 'em.

Found another unused gadget today....Those chrome fish shaped double sided clamp thingies to use on bbq for cooking trout and the like. I think they are cute - but! - never used them in 10 years.


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

Right, especially the ones with wooden handles...what's with that?


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## maryb (Mar 21, 2008)

Adds a little smoke flavor to the fish when using a gas grill :lol:


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Those fish things - how are you even s'posed to use them? I'm guessing oil up the inside, fish with whatever spices etc put inside, jammed shut then flip after a few minutes? This is only about 10 inches-ish long, including head and tail shape


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## koukouvagia (Apr 3, 2008)

I know I'm just messing with ya. 

I've never had that problem with my spoon rest because I've only used it on very tall pots I guess.

I use my glass cutting board on the counter to place the coffee maker on.


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

Ok, so this probably doesn't count but....when I was living in VT, all the local restaurants participated in a little inside joke. If a new hire turned out to be less than adequate, he would soon find himself on a wild goose chase looking for some piece of fictional cooking equipment that was lent to another restaurant. Most restaurants new the drill and would tell the newbie that it had been lent to so and so. Usually make it to 4 or 5 restaurants before giving up. Favorites were:

bacon stretcher, butter chipper, pepper seeder, salmon glue, strawberry mallet and chisel, left handed ladle, bucket of steam, etc.

Some of the items mentioned in this post sound like they could have made the list if we had thought of them, like the banana slicer and egg cuber.


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## chrislehrer (Oct 9, 2008)

Nice to hear that age-old traditions like this are being upheld. This one dates well back to the days of the apprenticeship system in Europe. Jacques Pepin, in his memoir _The Apprentice_, describes being sent on a wild goose chase for a chicken deboner, and then when he was senior sending the new kid on a chase for something else equally silly.

But I bet these days you could actually sell a chicken deboner or a left-handed ladle, if you wanted to take the time to do so.


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

How about Global Knives? Am I the only one that thinks those are about the most worthless thing you could drop a ton of money on?

Also any kind of dicing tool sold on TV pretty much sucks. Nothing is faster, easier, or has less cleanup than a good chef knife!


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## dscheidt (Feb 27, 2008)

And, of course, there are many stories of the apprentice figuring out he's being made fun of, and taking the day off.


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## kylew (Aug 14, 2000)

Don't tell me that! I just sent away for the Slap Chop!


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## singer4660 (May 21, 2009)

Hate to say it, but Brizzal is right. I bought the Pampered Chef version of the Slap Chop and never use it. Not only is a regular knife faster, it's a heck of a lot easier to clean!


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

I'll second that! A few years ago I also bought the Pampered Chef thing. Used it maybe twice. Found it to be a big pain in the fanny. Not only that, my delicate nervous system did not agree with the "slapping" needed to use this device. When DaughterDearest hosted a Pampered Chef Party, she expressed an interest in this thing. I told her to put her money toward something else, she could have mine. She apparently likes it and uses it regularly. I see it in the sink or in the DW quite often. So for myself it was a big waste, but it filled a need for my daughter. However, I do believe if she were to invest in some decent knives (_hers are the worst),_ and if she would learn to use them, she would no longer see the need for the quick-chop.


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## grumio (Apr 16, 2006)

"strawberry mallet" made my day.


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

This has nothing to do with cooking, but speaking of pranks on newbies, my husband once worked in a marine store and they had a new assistant.

They thought it was hilarious when someone asked her to get a pot of striped paint. Kept her busy for ages, poor thing.


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## shipscook (Jan 14, 2007)

that's the same store you get prop wash??

fair seas,
Nan


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## boar_d_laze (Feb 13, 2008)

Those things have a way of rebounding. When I was a pushing a grip gang,* I tried to send someone to get a clevis. He'd been recently burned by the "sky hook" gag, and refused to go. 

BDL

* A "grip" is a sort of studio technician. The job description varies from country to country, has changed a lot since I quit, and is way too complicated to get into here. When a group of grips work on production, they're called the "grip crew," and are part of THE crew. 

However, when a group of grips works on studio construction they're a "grip gang." The head of the grip crew is the "key grip." The gang foreman is the "pusher." 

Before you ask, a "gaffer" is the head of either a contsruction or production lighting crew. Not all "studio-electricians" (the people who set the lights, not the people who run the generators) are gaffers. For some reason, that's a very frequently made mistake. I guess people just like the sound of "gaffer."

Whether grip or set-lighting electrician, the "best boy" is in charge of men and equipment and is also usually the assistant to the key or gaffer (depending on whether we're talking grip or electricians) on the set. 

The "dolly grip" pushes the camera dolly, runs the crane arm, and as a practical matter on a shooting set, is more a part of the camera than grip crew. Most of my time was in construction or as a dolly grip.

Complicated, neh?


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Love the sky hook gag. They tried that on one of the new guys in spare parts. He was searching for ages. (this was in the days before computers, so they worked on a card index system -it'd be easy to search inventory these days).

Then someone came in and asked for 4 feet of paint....poor girl.

P.S. as yet another aside, there was an Australian pop band in the 70's/80's called Skyhooks....


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## mikelm (Dec 23, 2000)

I saw Michael Chiarello use Oxo's version of the Slap-Chop, so naturally, I had to have one. Works pretty well, actually, and I use it a lot to chop large quantities of garlic (which is the only way we eat garlic.) eace: Chiarello uses it on just about every other show.

The Navy/maritime gags are a long-standing tradition. A favorite is to send the newbie to the engine room for a bucket of steam. Also send him in search of the keys to the oarlock. There is a bunch more, but it's been so long I have forgotten 'em. 

If you do the bucket of steam gag on the bridge of a battleship, the round trip takes the dupee about a half hour.:smiles:

Mike


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

_If you do the bucket of steam gag on the bridge of a battleship, the round trip takes the dupee about a half hour._

_'_Cept when they tried it on me I spent the day curled up in the chain locker, reading a book while pretending to look for it. Wasn't a bucket of steam, though. Had something to do with the anchor chain---a link stretcher, maybe. As you say, Mike, it's been a long time.

Best I ever heard was while in the Navy hospital, and they sent a new corpsman on a search for a pair of sterile fallopian tubes.

Of course you know the military secret for getting rid of paperwork you don't want to handle? You put it in an inter-office and send it to the Pentagon addressed simply to Capt. John Smith.

It's been 45 years, and I bet there are still envelopes making the rounds.


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## mikelm (Dec 23, 2000)

*"...I spent the day curled up in the chain locker...*

well, KYH, I can only assume you were pretty confident they weren't going to be dropping the hook!

Yeah, an anchor-chain link stretcher does strike a memory chord. :look: It was mostly played on young bosun's mates*, if I remember correctly.

Mike

*Otherwise known as Deck Apes.


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## greg (Dec 8, 1999)

I found this pic in a cooking group on usenet years ago. I only consider this thing useless because I can't figure out what it is.


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## petemccracken (Sep 18, 2008)

I could be sadly mistaken, but it appears to be a "fish gutter and scaler"


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

That's exactly what I was going to say, then I saw you beat me to it!


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Yeah, Mike. But I was lead seaman on the precision anchoring detail, at the time. So I was pretty confident the hook would stay where it belonged.


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Pete & Grace: You're both persactly right. It's a specialized tool, used in processing plants and on factory ships, rather than a restaurant or home-kitchen gadget. With the double row of teeth, and the hook-like blade, you can really make some time gil & gutting.


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## chefray (Sep 29, 2009)

The slap chop is identical to the thing that my grandmother has used to chop nuts for decades. It is probably useful, to some extent at least.


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## discgolfjoe (Jan 9, 2010)

You're just supposed to leave marks in the pie so you can cut even slices with a knife, not actually cut the pie with it. Though, I do agree, sharp knife and an eyeball or two work just fine.

Also, those wire cake cutters. They're barely wider than a standard sheet cake, so you can't really get a good sawing action down, and the wire is way too flimsy to just force through the cake.

I also can't stand those griddle scrapers. You know, the ones that look like a bench knife on a stick. I'd rather use an un-dinged spatula, or a bench knife. No need for a handle, thanks.


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## dillonsmimi (Dec 2, 2009)

Wire cake cutter? Do you mean an Angel Food cake cutter or the tool used to torte?


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## koukouvagia (Apr 3, 2008)

I've had this in my drawer for years and never knew what it was for. I was thinking about throwing it out until I made stuffed mushrooms one day for a dinner party. I was looking around in the drawer to find some kind of spoon or tongs that could be used as a serving utensil for the mushrooms and tried this one. Wouldn't you know it, this makes a perfect serving utensil for stuffed mushrooms, and probably stuffed tomatoes and other stuffed items as well.

Aside from that I have no clue what it's actually for.


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## kalach (Aug 18, 2009)

^ To pass wine glasses across the table?
<edit, hmm I think you need the same mental image as me for that to be funny  >


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## just jim (Oct 18, 2007)

Similar to the Pot Passers the Beverly Hillbillies used in their Billi Ard Room


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Koukouvagia, what you have there is a spoon for removing olives from a jar so that the brine can drain back in. 

I wouldn't have known that except I had a recent Duh! moment, when somebody suggested using a melon baller to remove capers from the jar. The hole in the middle serves the same function.

Who'd a thunk it!


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

Melon ballers are multi-taskers! Who'd a thunk it? First, their intended purpose, then caper dipper---and now...gonna use mine to smack JJ upside the head!! 

I admit to watching the Beverly Hillbillies, but don't recall what they used for a pot passer. (come to think of it...what did they use for the pot? :look


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## just jim (Oct 18, 2007)

They thought the billiard table was a formal dining table, and used the pool cues as pot passers.
They also thought the rhinocerous head on the wall was a Billi Ard.
"If this is the Billi Ard room, thatthere must be the Billi Ard".
Yeah, I was raised by the boob tube.


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## nochipra (Jan 23, 2010)

Probably the thing I only used maybe once or twice was the microwave omlette maker. Just a piece of plastic.


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

Does an intern count as a piece of equipment?? Because most that I have known were useless!


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## coulis-o (Jan 23, 2010)

a Spoon Rest. 

why not just use a plate instead


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## nochipra (Jan 23, 2010)

Probably a microwave omlette maker. Never used it more than a couple of times.


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## amazingrace (Jul 28, 2006)

Hey...!! My spoon rest is actually kitchen decor. I have copper accents. The spoon rest is a beautiful solid copper maple leaf. I don't know what its intended purpose might have been...candy dish, accent piece, ashtray?...but it fits perfectly and accomodates a couple of utensile. Into the DW to wash it.


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## missyjean (Nov 5, 2009)

Can I use a melon baller to make cookie's?


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## missyjean (Nov 5, 2009)

I agree about the spoon rest...although you can use a plate, it does add to the decor


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

Yes you can!! in fact that is the beauty of the melon baler!! Of course your cookies might turn out the size of Dip'N'Dot ice cream, but hey! That could be the new thing!!!


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

So kitchen infomercial pretty much piss me off. This entire thread should have been littered with them, but I have been amazed at what everyone has come up with! Good example I never would have posted was the measuring spoons! Haven't used one in probably 10 years!!! If a recipe calls for a teaspoon of whatever, who has time to find where the retard put it this time! If I learned anything from Justin Wilson it was how to measure ingredients LOL.

But the most useless kitchen utensil available on the market has to be the fondue pot! There used to be this one infomercial that not only included "the double non-burn melting devise", but also came with a (and I **** you not) "Dip and pour ladle"!!! Plus a bunch of molds and crap!

Basically they wanted you to buy all the things you already own again!!!!!


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

If there are any entrepreneurs out there that have read this and want to make a buck or two......make this!!!!

One utensil that cleans calamari, de-bones salmon, peels a potato, removes the foot from a scallop, and pulls the shell and poop off a shrimp while leaving the tail attached. And it also has to retain the smell of a grease trap to the dishwashers nose only ,as well as give some sort of artificial intelligence to the wait staff. 

If anyone can create this product, Bill Gates will be mowing your lawn!!!


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## dc sunshine (Feb 26, 2007)

Sure! scoop, plonk, squish, bake 

Edit: Oops that was in reply to melon baller. I see some posts came in as I wasted time elsewhere.


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Re: melon ballers as cookie scoops.

Personally, I wouldn't use one for that purpose. Two reasons. First off, the width to depth ratio is such that you'd spend a lot of time fighting to get the dough out of the spoon. Second, the cookies would be awfully small.

I'm wondering, too, if when you scoop the dough it won't extrude through the bottom hole, which could be kind of messy. 

IIRC, the "standard" dishers used as cookie scoops are 1 1/2-2 tablespoons. I've no idea what the capacity of a melon baller is, but even the larger of a two-spoon baller is a long way from that.


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

Brizzel, other than your last two criterium, there is such a device. It's called a knife.


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## brizzal (Jan 14, 2010)

No, I meant something to do it for you. Probably my least favorite tasks right there.


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## suzanne (May 26, 2001)

Yup: I use an old ashtray as a spoon rest; what's nice is that the handle can sit right in the slot where the cig used to go. Also use a fancy ceramic spoon rest I got as a gift, and a sleek metal one I got at a conference (it advertises Kikkoman). All very handy.

Of course, if I didn't have them, I'd use a small plate or bowl. :lol:


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## kyheirloomer (Feb 1, 2007)

_Of course, if I didn't have them, I'd use a small plate or bowl._

Occurs to me that it's probably this kind of chicken & egg thing with many gadgets. Because we have them---for whatever reason---we use them. But if we didn't have them we'd make do with something else.

It's interesting, too, how one person's useless gadget is another's must-have tool. All goes to personal cooking style, I reckon. To me, a gadget should make the job easier, faster, safer, or more efficient. Otherwise, what's the point?


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## maryb (Mar 21, 2008)

paper plate as a spoon rest, I hate doing dishes :lol: use the melon baller to make mini cookies to top ice cream!


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