# taboo conversation subject



## luc_h

My mother always told me to avoid talking about politics, religion and how to raise kids because it's the stuff for arguments. It did not make sense when i was a teen but today as a voting religiously inactive parent I have had my share of heated discussions on various subjects including these.

what subjects are taboo in your book regardless of your views?
these days in Quebec, reasonable accommodation (bending local rules to accommodate foreign immigrant cultures and religion) is becoming a sore subject to discuss rationally.
When traveling in the US, I know gay rights was a very sore subject, in general. 

Luc H.


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## shroomgirl

I have to watch slamming food writers who incorrectly use the word organic....
There is a Religious Coalition of Reproductive Choice office 1/2 floor below my kitchen.....I think they are providing amazing service, by providing all options....but I've gotten into some interesting conversations on the topic.

I cook for a Catholic priest once a week and our new bishop is hard lined and not liked by liberal Catholics.......not being a Catholic I just stay on the perifery of conversations....which is a good thing.

My youngest son has autism, oh man....that's a hot bed......opinions can get really heated concerning medical/educational techniques.

Not being shy nor retiring, my toes end up in my mouth more often than I care for.....that's one of the reasons I like chef friends, conversations don't revolve around those subjects and if one comes up there are no long lasting hard feelings....


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## luc_h

Shroom you reminded me of one...

My girl is dyslexic. How many heated arguments have I had with the grandparents on teaching her to read correctly? She's a teen now and they have come to grips with the concept finally after so many years...

(I know autism is a tough thing to deal with...)


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## allie

Politics and religion are the two topics I avoid like the plague. Along those same lines is the topic of abortion. I have no problem stating my opinion on different subjects but prefer not to argue about it. No one is changing my opinion and I know it's pointless to think I could change theirs so I see arguments on these subjects as a waste of time. Usually, I just avoid these topics or tell people that is something I won't discuss with anyone.


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## shroomgirl

when emotions override logic.....that's why I'm no longer married to an attorney.

off to finish cleaning out the pantry at work.....


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## shel

It depends ... for me there are some people with whom I cannot discuss certain things, and other people with whom I can discuss (and even loudly argue) anything.

Shel


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## phatch

Nothing really taboo. Among my friends and family, politics and religion are often the primary topics of conversation. It can get warm, but never unfriendly or uncaring. Always educational.


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## free rider

A friend of mine has two autistic sons. I would say that rather than heated discussion (must be with your friends, those discussion), people these days tend to ignore a disability. They try to pretend that the person doesn't have a disability at all, like it is, well, taboo. Nobody offers to help a blind person, for example. I saw a blind woman entangled in a set of café tables with her stick. Nobody would help her. They just suddenly quieted and looked away from her each time she walked towards them and bumped into their table.


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## foodnfoto

How chicken **** is that!! It's amazing to me that people are so weak in character as to not have enough sand in their belly to come to the aid of someone obviously needing a simple hand to clear a few tables and chairs.

Sheeeesh!


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## shroomgirl

Offering to help is just human curtesy.
This blind woman was probably mortified after playing bumper tables through the restaurant.

no free rider with my ex husband....not friends..... 

Today, after a couple of years hiatus from working with special needs kids. I'm giving a private cooking class to an 11 year old "on the spectrum"....which is a euphamisum for ADHD-autism with sensory issues thrown in the pot. I've not met this child yet....should be interesting.

And I agree with Phatch & Shel, it depends on who it is......I don't discuss religion nor politics with my evangelistic family there is no common ground and since they are evangelistic it's not only carved in stone but meant to be SHARED.....why even go there? I love um.

I have strong opinions that are backedup with emotions when it comes to bullies in agribusiness. Most of those conversations take all I have to stay focused and factual.....I've been on panels with Monsanto scientists, Bio-engineering faculity at Wash U, etc.....Dept of Ag board with a moderator who was 28 year lifer at Monsanto......


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## mezzaluna

I find it much easier as I've aged to be around people whose opinions differ from mine. I've always been respectful, but it used to be pretty easy to push my buttons. I don't rise to the bait nearly so often any longer. I'm still passionate about what I believe in, but I'm not as eager to "get into it" with others- particularly not with those who cannot tolerate others' opinions. 

Civility means a lot to me.


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## chef ladybug

Ditto!

Another taboo subject with Europeans -- death. They'll always hush children for casually mentioning it, every time. To them it's like you're "calling death" when you mention it.


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## nicko

Funny we just modified our guidelines here to prohibit religious or political discussion. History has shown that they just get out of hand and it is hard for people to be respectfull.


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## andyg

There is a chat site I went to a lot, and when an ARP (America, religion and politics) forum was started, things got ugly. The bad feelings also carried over into the other forums. I don't even go there any more.


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## chrose

I pretty much find that no conversation is verboten. I used to adhere to not discussing politics, religion etc. But I find you can have good conversations even with people that disagree with you. I find it a challenge to persuade even the most stubborn people that there can be good ideas on both sides and that you can loosen up and see the other sides opinions even if you don't agree. I try to get it to the point where we can agree to disagree and still get along (Regardless of the fact that my neighbor is a parrot to RW radio and can't form an original thought in their head!)


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## mezzaluna

I thought of our April discussion of "off-limits topics", Nicko, and have followed this thread carefully with that discussion in mind. It's a testament to this community that the conversation about hot topics has remained dignified and intellectual rather than emotional.


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## andyg

One challenge online is that you don't know who all your audience includes, and who might start getting nasty, even someone you never really had conversation with. In person you can get a sense of that, but not online. My opinion. I have found this site very open to cultural differences--after all, how good can a cook be if they have a prejudice against other cultures?


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## luc_h

Wise words.
Luc H.


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## andyg

My daughter and my dad are autistic. The "experts" use the phrase "on the spectrum" because there can be a lot of difference between one autistic person and another. My dad and my daughter are high-functioning in intellectual skills, but not very good socially. There really is a lot of variation.

I also think that they don't want people to be labeled with stereotypical (unenlightened) labels because they're autistic. By the way, I'm "on the spectrum" too. :crazy:

My daughter at 6 figured out 2 to the 10th power in her head. My dad's IQ is genius level.


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## kuan

Money is a sore subject at my wife's family. My wife and I believe we've made wise choices, and judging from some of her family's lifestyles, we believe that they've made some wise choices as well. But oh noooo.. we can't share expertise.

I don't get it. My family talks about money openly. Her family is so uptight about it.


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## jayme

I think the attitude and maturity of the parties involved trully dictates what is and is not taboo in a conversation. If all parties are respectful and can sometimes "agree to disagree" then there is no topic that is off-limits. There is a chef/student (he works as a sous but he's still in school) at my school whom I love to chat with..... we stayed late after an event and did dishes together... and we covered topics from religion, to politics, to sexuality (**** and hetro), to drugs and alcohol.... and although we agreed on some things, we disgreed on others- but we became good friends through that night. So if everyone is mature and respectful, ANY topic is open.....
I am amazed by people who practically work themselves into a heart attack trying to shove their opinions into another person.... ??? If you have the right to your opinions, why can you not respect that the other person has the right to theirs?? never made sense to me..... no one is going "change" someone elses beliefs (esp religious) by screaming at them. Just pour some tea, break out some brioche and chat....... LOL


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## luc_h

In conclusion....

Maybe there aren't any taboo subjects but rather taboo people, the ones we should avoid?

Luc H.


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## shroomgirl

lol......Luc... the flux of my tolerance level dictates the amount of time spent with closed (usually insulting) minds. 
You are right it's all attitude baby!


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## bughut

I know im generalising, but i find the eldery just dont want to hear stuff thats out of the norm as far as they are concerned. 
Taboo around my mother in law and her cronies all in their eighties is any talk of me running my own catering business instead of working the checkout at tesco. Definitly dont mention the civil partnerships ive catered, gay friends, ethnic minority friends, any faults their sons may have, or that life _wasnt _better when they were young and hitler was bombing the***out of them. 
Colour me cynical


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## chef ladybug

Wow, AndyG. Can I borrow your daughter until I pass my Calculus class? lol That's really impressive.

I, too, am bugged (no pun intended, lol) a little by the nostalgic elderly, but I have to keep an open mind about that and be understanding because it must be such an awful thing to feel that you don't really fit into the NOW time period. It's gotta be an empty feeling.


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## petitgourmet

I dread it when people ask me what I do for a living. I am a teacher and I have found that many people's views of teachers are pretty negative and they get really riled up when discussing educational philosophy. I've been called a "pinko communist" among other things! 

I also tend to avoid at all costs giving opinions about other people's children. Very sensitive subject for most people. (although obviously at work, I have to. Needless to say however, parent-teacher conferences are not always pleasant)


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## petitgourmet

Ha ha! LOL! My mother is the SAME. My best friend is gay, and OMG, every single time I go there for dinner she has to bring it up and make some disparaging comment. So sad. What are you gonna do though? :crazy:


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## atltournant

Interesting that you mention that,because I had a similar experience at work the other day with this regarding religion.

A co-worker asked if I believed in Jesus;I said I did believe he existed,but I didn't believe he was the son of God [or the Caucasian he is portrayed as] because I am an Athiest.

Of course I got "The Look" like something was wrong with me and she started in on "Well,if you knew God,you'd believe." She's a very sweet person and I was not about to launch into why I feel the way I do,because that would be a very heavy conversation and I don't think it's appropriate in the workplace.

Very politlely,I said I respected other's veiws and religions just as long as those veiws were not shoved down my throat and likewise,I would extend the same courtesy.

I've just found it interesting that when I mention I am an Athiest,I get an immediate and negative reaction.I have yet to have a balanced conversation/debate regarding this topic.


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## atltournant

I will steer as far away from any race issue [or a topic that could become one] as I possibly can.

I grew up in Chicago,went to inner-city schools and had no problems whatsoever.I had friends of all colors,religions and sexual orientation and there was a more accepting attitude.Then when I moved to Atlanta,I was exposed to a much more hostile environment.

As progressive as Atlanta wishes to portray itself,there are still racial barriers and reverse-racism [as I'm sure as it is anywhere else].A good majority of kitchens I've been in here have that small faction of employees who clearly hold a grudge against or have blatant disdain for anyone Caucasian [or gay,interestingly enough].I had never been around that before and it can be uncomfortable,to say the least.

A decade ago,you DID NOT bring up an opinion on OJ Simpson;it would cause a huge fight...it still does.Where I was working at the time had a ban on even talking about it because it caused such problems.

Today,you do not bring up the Michael Vick situation because it will become a race issue very quickly.Nevermind the fact that he's a pro athelete who thinks he's above the law,it turns into "They're going after him because he's a successful black man".It could have been Brett Favre [just an example..go Pack!] and I'd still think he was a piece of s**t either way....I don't care what color it is.

I found out the hard way how sensitive this issue can be a years ago when I jokingly asked a co-worker to speak the King's English because I could not understand the amount of slang he was using.Suddenly I was the "White B***h" holding him down because I didn't want him to express his Afro-American culture...it honestly floored me because he was really serious.


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## chamo

Same here! actually, I do like it !


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## jayme

LOL LOL I think we have all met some.... I have also met the opposite, people who get upset because they are expected to act/speak/understand in a stereotypical way, and they do not. I have met a few folks from Africa or direct decendents of those who were, and they do not speak in "ebonics" , in fact many there actually have British accents, and are very proper, respectful people. 
Why is it that people from all over the world will do anything to be Americans, but those who live here insist on being called "XYZ"-American- even those who are many generations removed from the families' country of origin. In other countries, you are just that... no hyphenated anything.... regardless of skin colour or where your ancestors came from. 
I wonder if our need to identify ourselves, also isolates us????


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## oahuamateurchef

This taboo was deliberately planted--into our parent's minds. Then they taught it to us.

I close my eyes and see politicians sprinkling magic pixie dust into the air--The dust makes us all think--don't discuss politics. Don't even _think_ about politics. Stay ignorant, watch the safe news broadcast my friends created. The government will take care of everything. Be quiet and pay your taxes. Big brother will keep you in step.

Look for deception in our lives. It is there, 3rd generation.

How did your mother learn not to talk about politics and religion? Would that kind of advice meant anything when USA was founded? 
How did she come about having that conviction? I am highly suspicious.

Who is Betty Crocker? Who is Betty Crocker to your mother?

The politics/religion taboo was deliberately planted just like Ms. Crocker. They say we should be good sheep and not talk politics, it might lead to argument. Is arguing about government taboo? It used to be a constitutional right, which is _quietly_ being hijacked.

How do you boil a frog?


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## luc_h

wow OahuAmateurChef,

That is thought provoking! Insightful.

Luc H


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