# Losing online friends



## suzanne (May 26, 2001)

I just found out that one of the people I "knew" on another board has died. (Actually, a couple of other boards, as we both migrated.) The facts that we never met in person, and didn't even have many direct exchanges, don't make it any less sad: I feel I have lost a friend I could count on for advice, for a laugh, for a reality check. My loss is nowhere near as painful as that of his close friends and family, of course, but it is real nonetheless.

It's really true when people talk about online *community*.


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## jenni belle (Mar 10, 2005)

I know exactly what you mean Suzanne. In a different e-community I belong to, we had a very similar situation. In fact, this person disappeared for awhile while none of us knew what was going on. His wife logged on one day to explain to all of us he had had a heartattack.

Even though none of us had ever met, we were very sadden as an entire community. Online friendships are quite real and I believe sometimes even more personal. Online, we don't judge people by their looks as it is so easy to with human nature. Online we see people for who they really are and it does hurt to lose one. So sorry for your loss.


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## chrose (Nov 20, 2000)

Suzanne, sorry to hear about the loss. I think we have that community bond here too. I know when I was sick and away without notice some people did notice, and I was new here at that time. When I came back it was noticed that I was gone and the community supported me nicely, so nicely in fact that I do feel like I have a second family that I have yet to meet.


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## cape chef (Jul 31, 2000)

Suzanne,

I'm sorry about your friend. Was it winesonoma?

I read frequently on opionatedabout.com and always enjoyed reading Bruce.


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## kuan (Jun 11, 2001)

Yep, stinks. Sorry to hear about your loss Suzanne. It just happened to me a few weeks ago.

Part of the reason why these communities exist is people of like interests can get together. It's tough to talk cooking to a 2 year old.


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## ducky (Dec 28, 2003)

What's hardest for me is when they just disappear with no way to find out what happened. I had one friend that I had been e-mailing back and forth with and the messages just quit one day, which was so totally not like him. And I haven't seen him in any forums since. Makes me want to make a list for my family and tell them that if anything happens to me, let the people that care about me know. I miss him.


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## phatch (Mar 29, 2002)

Yep, I've got a list like that with forum ids and passwords in the safedeposit box with instructions.

Phil


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## shroomgirl (Aug 11, 2000)

you guys are so organized......sorry about your loss Suzanne. Remember when Isa went into the hospital and we didn't hear from her for a very long time.


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## markv (May 16, 2003)

Suzanne:

I'm very sorry. That's very sad.

Please know you have the support of everyone here.

Mark


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## suzanne (May 26, 2001)

Yes. This was a guy who was always good for a reality check -- whenever flame wars might break out, he was just his sensible self. Nothing ruffled him -- and you can be sure there were some who tried to.

It's not so much my own loss as _the community's._ Whenever someone makes a contribution to a site, whether by being funny, or sensible, or a smarta**, or always asking good (or stupid  ) questions, or even by being a pain, their absence will be felt. What all this has done is make me more grateful for the PRESENCE of my fellow members.


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## mezzaluna (Aug 29, 2000)

I'm so sorry for you loss, Suzanne.

Although our online conversations are virtual, the friendships are definitely not. I've had the privilege of meeting a number of people from this site. Yet the dozens of others who are limited to being online friends loss would be no less grievous to lose. A few people here have vanished (Kimmie and Isa, for instance), and although their fates are unknown, we who knew them from Chef Talk miss them very much.


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