# Funniest Thing You Have Seen In The Kitchen



## mikeenplace (Feb 27, 2013)

Okay, I really wanted a topic to lighten up the room. Seems like my posts devolve into anger and rage. I what to keep this one fun. What is the funniest thing you have seen someone do or heard in the kitchen?


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## mpowling (Feb 27, 2013)

An apprentice who'd been working a month longer than me about to put a bread knife to the steel


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## kostendorf (Mar 15, 2012)

i think it is funny that the lesbian cook in the kitchen check out the same girls that i do.


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## cheflayne (Aug 21, 2004)

A dish guy stretched a heavy duty yellow scrubbing glove over the top of his head like a cock's comb. Then proceeded to strut around the kitchen flapping his arms, bobbing & tilting his head, and clucking like a chicken.

Rendered the rest of us pretty helpless with laughter.


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## kuan (Jun 11, 2001)

I put dumped a bunch of sauce in a perforated pan once.

Uhm, yeah.


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## mikeenplace (Feb 27, 2013)

This place I worked at had pre-made crepes...I know... So the packaging had a paper divider for each crepe. The lady at the action station threw away the crepe and put the filling in the paper.


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## mikeenplace (Feb 27, 2013)

Once, a guest asked me,"does the ham sandwich have meat in it??"

This past week a cook asked me if our bacon came from cows.


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## shichangchu (Dec 4, 2010)

I once took a large pot of rice pilaf out of the oven. The cook who was standing next to me for whatever reason was having a brain fart and tried to take the top off with his bare hand. He then screamed when he realized it was hot.


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## durangojo (Jul 30, 2007)

speaking of putting things on one's head, whenever we would get a new mophead in,the dishwasher would put it on his head and parade around the kitchen singing bob marley's 'no woman no cry'....once he even wore it into the bar which was even funnier. (our place was very local so every one knew him)....god i still laugh about that every time we get a new mophead..

in Grenada West Indies while being hauled out in a boatyard my friend ordered a ham and cheese sandwich.   since there is never any sense of urgency in the Caribbean, one learns never to  complain as it only makes service worse or slower if that's even possible.  never go to eat anywhere in the caribbean if you are hungry or have low blood sugar and need to eat anytime soon. it just ain't gonna happen!  after a very loooooong wait the waitress brought out  my friends ham sandwich.....about half an hour later after he had finished the ham sandwich and she had picked up his plate she brought out a cheese sandwich.   her version was that he had ordered two separate sandwiches...one ham, and one cheese...go figure...we passed on even mentioning the thumbhole in the bread.  oh Lordy...

joey

sorry, I know the second story isn't really kitchen related, but it is funny so thought I'd share it anyway


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## pancake house (Feb 6, 2013)

Saw someone strain the steam kettle and dump the entire batch of demi then save the bones in bus pans.

Someone pretending to be an all star furiously chopping onions at a good 20º angle towards his knuckles

Someone insisting on opening a swollen can of pizza sauce that looked like it was under at least 100psi of rotten stink. 

Cooking over-easy eggs while lqf liver sizzles right beside 

Someone taking a cleaver to 'tap' a 10" chef through a semi frozen chunk bottom round.

One of my all time favorites: labeling a product what it is, but not tagging a date to it.

Lifetime cook didn't know the difference between fresh dill or rosemary. 

Someone hammering enough line whiskey back that they cut themselves and puked everywhere.

Cook blew a shift, showed up and said he was robbed at gunpoint, and they took his washer & dryer. It actually turned out to be mostly correct, but because said cook was a dirtbag.

So many...


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## oldschool1982 (Jun 27, 2006)

Two things; First was as a Chef trainer. I would do this to all of the overly cocky Manager trainees without cooking experience who came through the kitchen. They smugly would ask how to make the cream cheese icing in the mixer and my answer was to dump everything in the bowl turn it on to speed 6. To see the look after the explosion of powdered sugar was worth the mess. Secondly was after I reorganized the store-room readying my kitchen for an inspection. My Exec Sous mistook baking powder for cornstarch and after making the slurry,something I thought he certainly should have picked up on with the bubbling.........he dumped the whole thing in a steam kettle to thicken a soup. Picture the volcano model many built for the Science project and multiply X 10. You'd think I'd be ticked because of the obvious and I was happy no-one was hurt but it was the most hilarious thing and about hit the floor laughing.


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## jimmywad (Mar 12, 2013)

I once seen our apprentice fill up the cold bain marie (which had no front plate on it) with a 20L bucket of water.. Woosh! all over the carpet, told him to go clean it up.. got a dirty mop and made the situation even worse by making the floor filthy. Funniest thing ever.


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## junglist (Jul 13, 2010)

One time our head chef went around asking everybody who their celebrity crushes were. We found out one guy listed 'Britney Spears in her schoolgirl outfit'. The head chef proceeded to plaster pictures of her in his locker; when he came in and opened up his locker he busted out laughing and so did the rest of us.

One of our suppliers handed out New Years gifts in the form of... snuggies. My head chef wore it during the morning shift doing her normal tasks. The expression on people's faces when they saw her was priceless.

Same place, we worked in a kitchen where you could see deliveries coming in even when working the line. Our alleyway was notorious for people just 'hanging out' or even leaving unwanted items like bikes and furniture. One time someone had decided to 'relieve' himself and left a big steamer in front of our door. As soon as one of the owners arrived my head chef told him that someone had left something in our alley. He said 'Aw man, did someone dump something back there?' She said 'Yeah, you could say that.' The owner flung the door open, stepped right into the heaping mess, and slid and fell making it worse. I had to run into the walk-in to contain my insane laughter.


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## linecook854 (Feb 13, 2013)

The dishwasher who had an epic case of swamp a$$ freely admitted he regularly cornstarched his bung. During one particularly humid summer day, the dish pit being steamy as ever, he decides to announce he needs some cornstarch for his BH. The head chef hands a sysco cornstarch box to him and says just please close the bathroom door when you do it this time. The dishwasher says OK and leaves the door open anyways, of course, and pulls down his cargo shorts to apply the powder to himself. About two hours later, humidity levels being sauna-like in the dish pit, the GM sees the dishwasher and says what the hell is running down your leg Sergio? Every kitchen staff member runs over to dish to see a river of cornstarch slurry slowly running down his hairy legs. People were dieing on the floor in laughter and the GM was literally dry heaving over a garbage can after learning what was going on. He was banned from using our cornstarch for life after that.


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## solsen1985 (Feb 27, 2013)

A sous who used cornstarch on his balls left the cornstarch in the employee bathroom and another cook found it, and then asked if he could use some of his personal slurry to thicken his sauce. Never laughed harder lmao.


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## 10buttonfriend (Mar 12, 2013)

this guy at my first very first kitchen would constantly be slapping the steam ships and other cuts of meat shouting profanities and other crazy things, overall just a hilarious dude to work with.


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## aye dumb (Feb 11, 2013)

Someone used a round cookie cutter as a mold for spent coffee grounds, plated it to look like a chocolate cake they had been working on, and got at least 2 servers to take a bite of it.


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## arugula (Sep 13, 2012)

Our old garde use to make crazy alien mask, intenias and all and wear them. Keep in mind this was a open kitchen. People would walk by and see him out of the corner of there eye and then look back to clarify what they just say was real and jump. I'm laughing just thinking about it.


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## pollopicu (Jan 24, 2013)

> Okay, I really wanted a topic to lighten up the room. Seems like my posts devolve into anger and rage.


Lmao. /img/vbsmilies/smilies/lol.gif this made me laugh so hard. It's so true though. I'm the same way. I bring up topics that get people banned. Usually myself. lol


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## thetincook (Jun 14, 2002)

For all the cornstarch guys out there, try swapping their cornstarch with powdered sugar. Good times to be had.

The funniest thing I've seen was probably one of my own brain farts, sadly. I sent out a bunch of chocolate sundaes once, but I'd grabbed the balsamic redux bottle instead of the chocolate syrup bottle by mistake.


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## smork (Aug 27, 2012)

first real line position i had worked.   the very first day on pantry station i got an order for a club sangwich for the owner and the chef proceeds to come down the line and take over.   he simply said i got this one.   let me just say he didnt use the spatula in the mayo,like id been told to.   i was never the same after that.


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## mikeenplace (Feb 27, 2013)

Pollopicu said:


> Lmao. /img/vbsmilies/smilies/lol.gif this made me laugh so hard. It's so true though. I'm the same way. I bring up topics that get people banned. Usually myself. lol


Right!?!?!


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## wpgcook (Dec 26, 2012)

I sent a newbie to the store to buy eggplant. He came back with a dozen eggs and a potted geranium. True story.


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## j20832 (Mar 9, 2013)

I volunteer at my church as our local regs now require a licensed food manager.  The ladies who do all the cooking were talking about how the store had run out of #10 cans of green beans.  I suggested using the readily available fresh green beans, they laughed at me and then went on to have a long discussion about how "brand A" is the best brand of canned green beans and "brand B" should never be used...  and how wrong it would be to serve fresh or even frozen green beans with ham.   I had to walk away... so I busied myself by checking temps on the hams they were cooking.  To their credit, they do make some phenomenal biscuits and they always have a great attitude, even when scouring pots and pans.  I get a lot of chuckles out of my time with them.


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## piratedeb (Nov 6, 2012)

In the middle of a HUGE rush one of the stations ran out of prepped diced onions and the cook asked for another to pass some down.  The neighboring station cook responded by saying "sure! CATCH!"  and proceeded to toss a small handful of diced onions into the air towards the grill cook that asked for it. Onion confetti.

Naturally, being in the middle of a rush, everyone was concentrating, and no one was expecting this. The grill cook was momentarily confused as she concentrated and tried and couldn't figure out which confetti bit to catch before she realized the other was just being an @ss.  It brought everyone to tears laughing and lightened up the kitchen when we needed it XD


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## piratedeb (Nov 6, 2012)

of coarse, then there are pranks....

Vinegar in drinks
Launching frill picks with sour cream onto peoples backs
Flour handprints on servers bums

...at my one job, we had a walk in freezer door through the walk in cooler door.  We had a cook hide in the freezer in a gorilla suit, and had a blast turning the lights out on servers(typical prank, haha, very funny guys) as they went into the cooler, to have the gorilla emerge from the freezer and be there when the lights came back on XD


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## chef bilby (Nov 14, 2012)

Prepping a Salmon for service one day and my Chef said to me  - " Make sure you Score that Salmon " - my reply after looking at it in a quizzical manner - " I give it a 7 " 

The look on my Chef's face - Priceless !!!


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## saltandfat (Dec 20, 2012)

Ever mix kosher salt with a little bit of water so that it resembles snow or ice, for plating purposes? Try serving it for staff meal labeled as 'Lemon Granita'...


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## squirrelrj (Feb 18, 2011)

SaltAndFat said:


> Try serving it for staff meal labeled as 'Lemon Granita'...


/img/vbsmilies/smilies/lol.gif


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## jliv29 (Mar 19, 2013)

I walked into the server alley and there were a pair of bunched up panties on the floor. I pointed and made some sort of gurgling noise which alerted everyone to come see.  We all start hysterically laughing but assume they came from the pants leg (you know how stray socks or underwear get stuck to stuff in the wash)  when one of the servers comes in, looks down , picks them up and announces they are her dirty undies from the day before. She was in a rush and pulled on the same pants from the day before. Three of us literally peed ourselves over that one.


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