# Do you get used to being screamed at?



## tranquillo (May 26, 2012)

I don't work in back of house yet, only front of house. Today I came late after the break time and it was a busy service, I also didn't put my apron on, the person in charge (rightly) told me off. I deserved it, and I suppose at the end of the day, everybody makes mistakes but I'm quite new at this so it was kind of a shock to the system. My friend who now works as a doctor once encouraged me to get into medicine. I told him that I am so squeamish over anatomy, I don't think I could ever do it. His reply: you get used to it, the first few cadavers are gross, scary, freaky, etc, but after a while you become desensitised. Is that the case also in the kitchen?


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## cookers (Jun 11, 2011)

There will always be in someone in charge of you no matter who you are, and what your job is. However some people take it further than others. My head chef told me a title means nothing to him and that he doesn't scream at people because they'll continue to just disobey him. He said the best way to get what you want out of someone is to respect them. Everyone should be called out on their mistakes, and everyone should be screamed at. It teaches you things you don't realize about yourself until you look back. Like how much stress you can tolerate or how to be responsible for your own actions. If a person wants to be a bully though, the hell with them. Stick around, try to do things right and see what happens. If he's a bully power tripping, go to a new kitchen or find a new job field. Just remember that no matter where you go though, there will be someone with authority over you screaming.


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## chefedb (Apr 3, 2010)

Then they should not be in charge.  Your chef is a smart man


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## tranquillo (May 26, 2012)

See it wasn't the chef, it was the maitre d who went off at me... and she's been very nice to me and even lenient to my mistakes. I want to enter the back of house world next semester (I'm in a training restaurant, and I know that it hardly does represent the real world, but it does simulate us into the real world) and there seems to be a lot of screaming amongst chefs, thanks for the feedback though. The screaming must be overrated. Where I am we aren't even allowed to swear! 

I studied music before I studied hospitality. There were people with huge inflated egos in the music world and on top of this, there were snobs (pianists who refused to play on upright pianos or digital pianos, people who didn't want to perform in any place except for a concert hall or a church with good acoustics, etc). There was no screaming, but passive bullying did exist... I know that there is an authority and a person over you in every place and field you work... but it seems a little bit more militarian in the food and beverage world. So I have noticed that there is screaming and telling off. In music, it was discreet, somebody makes a mistake - it's either too obvious to point out (the person already would know), or a person would consult the person making the mistake privately (often between a student and teacher). I've never been screamed at in that world. Having said, that I can tolerate the food and beverage world, but the screaming is still a bit new to me.


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## cookers (Jun 11, 2011)

Tranquillo said:


> I know that there is an authority and a person over you in every place and field you work... but it seems a little bit more militarian in the food and beverage world.


I think it's because you see the whole system right in front of you. If you were a landscaper and planted a Japanese maple instead of a dogwood costing the company a thousand dollars per say, your manager will take the heat from the boss. In a kitchen if a person on Garde manger messes up an orders timing significantly, they have to deal with the line cooks who now have to wait to cook the food, the sous chef who over sees every dish that goes out the window, and the head chef who is wondering why there are no plates going out, and then the front of the house manager complaining that the servers are mad and guests are waiting too long. So being on the bottom of the system, you are the ''scout'' in this ''military'' brigade.


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## chefedb (Apr 3, 2010)

Screaming at an employee does not solve a problem, it makes it worse. You only get the person more nervous.  Plus in this day and age you could get sued.


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## aric87 (Aug 6, 2010)

It is definitely not something that you are going to get away from. A kitchen is super stressful at times, and people get loud. Not saying it is right, or that it should happen, but it does. You will find, that when people are yelling, they are either assholes, or they are trying to deal with the stress, and the yelling is not directed at you. I try very hard not to lose it on new guys, or people I havnt worked with. The guys I know, and who know me.... not a question, would I snap when they burn me accidentally, or screw up and put me in the weeds, or what have you. They know its more of a stress reliever than anger, and they take it in stride and give it right back and at the end of the day, everyone goes home with a smile and a hand shake. You will find your way of dealing with the stress, and you will learn how your team handles stress. I have a guy who will tell you he isn't listening or to shut up when you call a ticket to him... He isnt being a dick, he is telling me that he has too much to remember, and he will let me know when he is ready to listen. I had to learn how to work with him, but now we work like a well oiled machine. The important thing about the yelling, is that it is never degrading or meant to make you feel small. Then that perosn is being an asshole.


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## rbandu (Apr 30, 2012)

I actually found myself screaming last night.  Busy, father's day.  I've got a seared au poivre-style steak on the menu that's cooked on the pan station, as after it's seared we bake it to finish.  (closest oven is on saute.) I kept asking the guy "how long?  how far out?"  "How long...HOW #$%^& LONG?!" "READY ON THAT #$%^&* STEAK YET?" "DRAGGING YOUR STEAK, HOW #$%^& LONG?!"  Ended up apologizing to him at the end of the night.  Good kid, CIA grad...just not too quick.  One of those sorts that if I say "I need this 5 minutes ago, make it happen."  he's still trying to figure out how high his flames should be. (FULL BORE TILL DAWN BABY.)  Wow.  I think I just yelled again.  Hahaha.


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## steve walker (Jun 18, 2012)

put a time frame on how long you think it will take you to learn and another on how long you will *allow* this abuse to continue,

work out your own formula, and then you'll get a result and make your decision, different folks different formulas

set a goal for yourself and what you will or wont put up with to get there

its your choice be brave theres so many options


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## chefdave11 (Oct 27, 2011)

You called it abuse, when we all know it's a right-of-passage.  However, there IS a line.  Lots of us keep taking it, knowing we're in a good position (temporary) for our career, and then we vow to never be like that asshole.


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